


NSFW drabbles and random stuff...or FF7 Porn by Fall Out Boy

by Kimmimaru



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Angst, Crack, Disturbing Themes, F/M, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Smut, lots of smut, more crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-07-13
Packaged: 2018-06-01 16:10:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 46
Words: 50,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6526981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kimmimaru/pseuds/Kimmimaru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a random assortment of drabbles varying from crack to pwp to fluff and right into WTF territory. Written by myself and my best friend on drunken nights so excuse the bad grammar/spelling. This is literally just for fun and each story is marked by whoever wrote it. Please enjoy and I would say sorry but I'm really not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: Remember kids, fanfiction is NOT a sex manual. Whatever you do don't try some of this shit at home, its dangerous and really fucking stupid. If you're idiotic enough to try the consequences are on your heads! :) Also, this is stupid, offensive and generally ridiculous. Characters WILL be OOC, they WILL be acting like twats and they WILL be having much, much smex. (Now with added Hojo...prepare to be grossed out) Also, please keep in mind this is basically the original manupscript (just to sound fancy) and I have changed and edited NOTHING. The moral of this awful story (or collection of) is don't write whilst under the influence...its...a bad, terrible idea.

MANY MANY BUM SMEX!  
MUCH COCK! WOW!

Porn. Clack Style.  
By Amy

 

Zack groaned, feeling the wet tongue snake its way around his length. “C-Cloud.” He breathed, arching his back, and pushing himself a little further into the moist cavern of Cloud's mouth. The blond hummed a response back, the vibrations stimulating his senses, and making Zack moan further as a soft fingers ran along the inside of his thighs. “Can't I just...?”

Cloud's lips released the throbbing cock from his mouth, and blue eyes looked up to gaze into the same colour. “No. I want you to enjoy this. Relax.” He nuzzled his face into Zack's leg, a small giggle escaping as he slid his mouth back over the already moist erection of his lover.

The experienced tongue flitted around the tip, lightly then forcefully pushing and lapping against the tip. Zack shifted his weight, a small smile gracing his lips. “Urgh, Cloud...” he bucked his hips as a finger pressed against his ass. He tensed briefly, before relaxing and letting Cloud run his finger over it. With the amount of saliva, the damp fingers felt good against him, but the best feeling would come when he entered Cloud himself. He knew how to take it, and how Zack loved fucking him until he could scream nothing but his name. The thought of making the blond moan in pleasure was erotic enough for him to leak a little. He noted Cloud's face contorting, but it quickly returned to normal. Those blue eyes gazed between him and the job he was taking exceedingly seriously, and Zack could only get harder and hotter.

Eventually the tipping point came, and Zack pulled Cloud by his hair off his cock.  
“Right,” he panted, kissing the blond roughly, tasting himself inside the wet cavern of Cloud's mouth and exploring it thoroughly, earning a groan of pleasure from the smaller of the two. “Zack...please,” Cloud pulled his lips away, panting heavily.  
“Can I?”  
Cloud paused, before nodding, “I'll get into position,” he smirked, pushing Zacks chest with a free hand and righting himself on his hands and knees, legs spread wide and completely on show. “Please, Zack. Fuck me,” Cloud wiggled his rear, and Zack was all to happy to oblige. He moved closer, running two fingers over Cloud's asshole. He smiled at the soft moan Cloud made, and wetted his fingers. “I hope this is ok,” Zack whispered, as he rubbed his digits against the exterior of the hole, pushing lightly at first before pushing in. Cloud hissed out a breath, before righting himself and pushing slowly back at Zack's intruding fingers. “Y-you know....what to do,” Cloud moaned, pulling himself away and then forcing himself backwards against the wet fingers.

Zack could feel Cloud's tightness, and wrapped his free hand around his own erection. “I'm gonna cum so hard in you, you won't know what hit you.” The both chuckled at the statement, although Cloud's chuckle was quickly silenced when Zack picked up the pace with his fingers.

Clenching the bed sheets tighter, Cloud felt those deft fingers scissoring him further open. It wasn''t that he was too tight – not at all – but it'd been a while. He arched his back inwards, sticking his rear out further for Zack to acknowledge. “F-fuck me,” he whimpered, feeling the heat rise within him, his own erection aching and moist from such actions.

Zack was all too happy to oblige. He eased the fingers out of Cloud. Kneeling up, he grabbed the blond's hip bones and bulled him backwards, rubbing his length between parted cheeks. “Do you want me? Do you want me to fuck you until you scream?” Zack had to hide a chuckle, he always found this type of bedroom talk amusing. Cloud's hips rolled, a purr of some kind escaping his lips. “Yes. I want you to make me see stars.” His husky voice was full of desire, and that was something Zack could not resist. He steadied himself, and slowly pushed his moist erection into Cloud.

He let Cloud get comfortable, before slowly increasing the pace and length of thrusts. His grip on those hip bones was tight, but not painful – not that Cloud would mind. He slowly pushed his entire length into Cloud, before pulling almost all the way out in a tantalising manner, before pushing himself back in and groaning as he ground himself into that muscled ass. Cloud was moaning, his body heating up and muscles growing tight around Zack. Neither were close yet, but both would be soon if it kept up this way.

Zack quickly increased the pace, forcing Cloud to fall to his elbows for support. He twisted the bedsheets within his hands, biting hard into the fabric as Zack thrust in and out rhythmicly, his pace increasing and his thrusts becoming deeper and deeper. Cloud moaned loudly into the bedsheets, drool soaking the fabric through, his own cock being gripped firmly and pumped by Zack's free hand. He was going to cum soon, but Cloud wanted to cum with Zack.

“Zack!” Cloud breathed out, pushing himself back into that firm length. “I need you! Make me cum hard!” His voice was desperate, aching for release. Zack hummed a response, pumping Cloud harder and pushing himself deep, hitting that sweet spot. Cloud's moans escalated, his breathing growing more erratic, and his cock tensing until he came in Zack's hand. Zack moaned, taking the soiled hand and licking the sticky fluid. “Oh Cloud, you taste so good!” He pulled out, flipping Cloud onto his back and inserting himself back in, thrusting quickly, his blue eyes starting to roll back as Cloud's moans increased. Zack leaned down, kissing the blond with such intensity it set him off. His hot cum filled that tight ass, and he collapsed upon his lover, both panting hard before kissing each other.

 

Williespeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenis SUCK MY TREE DICK  
PROPELLER DICK  
WEE WOOO WHIZZ SPIN ME RIGHT ROUND BABY RIGHT ROUND


	2. Bigger

By Kimmimaru

Genesis stood beside Sephiroth as they both unzipped their fly, it was common courtesy to not look at the person beside you whilst taking a piss but Genesis, ever curious about his stoic friend, couldn't help himself. He peered over at Sephiroth subtly and then, before he could be caught, looked away again. Genesis finished his business, trying to force a sense of calm onto himself, but it wasn't working too well as he washed his hands and left. He ran into the bar and grabbed Angeal, dragging him roughly away from the woman he was chatting up. “Genesis, what the hell is wrong?”

Genesis shook his head, eyes wide and face a little pale. “Angeal, it's a disaster.” He whispered.

“What is?”

“Sephiroth is hung like a fucking donkey.”

Angeal stared at Genesis, utterly nonplussed. “Why...what...I don't understand why you would think I actually care...”

“Angeal, you clearly don't understand. Sephiroth is packing serious hardware. His sword isn't overcompensating at all...in fact it's likely an indicator of actual size.” Genesis leaned against the wall, shaking his head in numb disbelief. “I had hoped I would at least beat him in this...” he sighed sadly.

“Genesis, I don't care.” Angeal repeated.

“But I do!” Genesis put a hand to his chest. “I care because I can't seem to out do him in anything and now...now this.”


	3. I Literally Have No Idea...

By Amy

Sephiroth glared down at Cloud as he unzipped his fly, taking his MIGHTY DONG in his hand. Grabbing the blond's hair, he smacked Cloud around the face several times, all the while snarling, “take it, bitch!”


	4. We Need Help.

By Amy

“Cloud?” Sephiroth wrapped his hands possessively around the smaller man's waist, his MASSIVE WANG rubbing against Cloud's back.  
“Yeah?” Cloud mumbled, eyes closing as he snuggled back into Sephiroth.  
“Can I piss on you?”  
“...what?”  
“I'm going to do it, with my MONOLITHIC COCK!”


	5. Counselling...Serious Counselling...

By Amy  
eggs

“Angeal, Angeal!” Zack bounced up and down on his feet, eager eyes glinting. Angeal looked at him from over the kitchen counter, eyebrow raised at his protege.  
“Yes?”  
“Look'it what I GOT!” He dropped his trousers and pointed excitably at his genitals, a glinting ring through the tip of the head.

Angeal recoiled, he did not want to see Zack's dick. Rubbing the back of his head, Zack chuckled. “I bet you didn't think I'd get it done! So, how brave am I?” His eyes lit up again, a wide smile gracing those lips like he'd made some massive accomplishment.

Angeal waved a hand, and Zack quickly pulled back up his trousers, securing his belt. “You may be brave, but...” Angeal turned his head slightly, eyeing Zack as he turned around. “You are not the only one with a dick piercing!” In his hand, he waggled his own dick, Zack covering his face and screaming “OH GOD MY EYES!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you read that right? Did it really randomly say 'eggs'? You did and it does. I'm sorry, my friend is insane. I can't stop her...Help.


	6. The Moral Of This Tale? Don't Get Drunk And Write.

By Amy

Cold green eyes stared at the brilliant blue staring back up at him. “How does it feel, being on your knees?” Sephiroth sneered, leather-clad hand pulling at blond strands. He took his dick from him trousers, smirking as he pushed it against pink lips.

Ribbet

Cloud burst out laughing. He keeled over and rolled on the floor, pointing teary-eyed at the frog face in the place of Sephiroth's dick. Sephiroth grabbed at it, quickly putting it away. He whirled around, blasting energy through the wall, screaming, “GENESIS, I AM GOING TO CUT YOU INTO SO MANY PIECES AFTER I DESTROY EVERY LOVELESS COPY IN EXISTANCE!”

“Fuck.” Genesis grinned, wing bursting from his shoulder as he turned tail and jumped out the window.

Sephiroth's wang ribbeted in awe.


	7. Moral? Don't Have Sex On Genesis' Sofa...

By Amy

Genesis sighed, standing with his hands on his hips looking down at Angeal and Sephiroth sleeping on his floor after their illustrious night out, where everyone got rather drunk. He rubbed the back of his head, grunting at the lack of sleep he'd received due to that fucking puppy and the twinky little blond he was fucking; and really, they were up all night fucking AND had only stopped about 20 minutes ago.

“The Goddess says, get the fuck out of my apartment you ridiculous slobs.” He kicked Angeal lightly in the stomach, the man rolling over to reveal some dark marks around his neck. Genesis raised an eyebrow, knowing exactly what they were. He inspected Angeal slowly, until he noted the belt he usually wore was elsewhere. He quickly looked to Sephiroth, who looked a little too dishevelled than usual. He looked around, and then he noticed it. His temper flared, and his hands glowed.

“YOU TWO FUCKED ON MY SOFA I AM SO FUCKING DONE WITH THIS!” He fired many, many Firaga's around, making the two first classes bolt awake and make as quick an escape as possible. Angeal's trousers falling down.


	8. You Know, I Think There's A Theme...

By Kimmimaru

Leather clad fingers slowly unzipped his fly, Sephiroth smirked down at Cloud's debauched figure as it lay sprawled upon the black satin sheets. As he removed his cock from his pants he watched Cloud's eyes grow wide in his face, slowly he sat up. “Uh-uh. No way. I'm out.” He stood up and started to dress as fast as he could.

“What on earth is the matter with you?” Sephiroth asked.

“That...that thing you call a cock? Yeah. That's not coming within feet of me.” He said hurriedly, slipping his uniform back on with a frown.

“Why not? There's nothing wrong with it.”

“If I let that thing near my ass it'd rip me in half. It's the size of fucking Wutai! What are you an Elphadunk? Seriously, I don't like the idea of my ass ending up looking like the Northern Crater. I'll see ya around.”

With that he left. Sephiroth looked down at his cock in confusion, it sat in his hand like an extra limb and he sighed heavily. Looks like once again he would be forced to resort to masturbation.


	9. Hojo's 'Experiments'

By Kimmimaru

Angeal and Genesis were sitting on the sofa, watching the ShinRa News Network when the door banged open. Sephiroth stumbled inside, face as white as a sheet and hand at his chest. Angeal was on his feet in a second, he went over to him and put a hand out to steady him. “Sephiroth, what happened?”

“I...I...” Sephiroth turned large, wild eyes to Angeal and it seemed that he was barely able to see him. He snapped his mouth shut and shook his head quickly, silver strands of hair falling into his eyes.

“Come and sit down. Genesis, get him a strong drink...something for shock.” Angeal ordered and for once Genesis didn't argue. He sat Sephiroth on the sofa and sat at his side as he waited for the drink, Genesis came out and handed Sephiroth a glass of whiskey, which Sephiroth accepted and downed in one. “Can you talk about it?” Angeal said gently.

Sephiroth took a deep, shuddery breath and turned those wild eyes onto his friend. “It was horrible.” He whispered hoarsely.

“What was?!” Genesis asked urgently.

“It was...hairy...so, so hairy...” He breathed, lifting a shaking hand to his eyes and shaking his head as if to dislodge whatever disturbing thing he had seen.

“Hairy?” Angeal and Genesis shared a nervous look, they both knew Sephiroth had been down in Hojo's lab.

“Yes. Hairy...Hairy a-and...wrinkly...” Sephiroth shuddered violently, swallowing the urge to vomit.

“You were in the labs weren't you? Was Hojo working on something?”

“You could say that.” Sephiroth replied as he watched Genesis refill his glass. He knocked it back easily and held it out again for another re-fill. “I went down there for some tests he had ordered but he wasn't in his lab, he was in his office...I walked in...I didn't know...I should never have...oh dear Gaia I will never recover.” His breathing hitched and his mouth twisted in disgust.

“Sephiroth, what happened?” Angeal insisted.

“Hojo was...busy. I saw him...watching porn...h-his...cock was in his hand...a-and it was...hairy...and w-wrinkly...and...I'm going to be sick.” He stood up, the glass falling from numb fingers as he fled the room.


	10. A Handsome Sturdy Husband Who Builds Handsome Sturdy Walls Because Fuck You Disney.

By Kimmimaru

Cloud stared at it for a long time before frowning and opening his mouth to speak, he paused and closed it again. He repeated this action for a few more moments before Sephiroth spoke.

“Well, do you like it?”

Cloud looked at him, confusion written clearly in his eyes. “It's a wall.” He said, lifting a hand and waving it in the direction of the wall.

“Yes. A very sturdy wall.”

“I...I can see that. I just-I want to know what exactly I'm meant to do with it?” He looked back at the wall, it had been built in the very centre of the town, the people had come out to inspect it and mutter in confused whispers to each other. However, no one was more confused-or concerned-as Cloud was. Sephiroth's strange idea of romance was, apparently, building a wall. “Why a wall?” He said.

“I spoke to your mother. She said that you would want a man who could build sturdy walls...I built you a wall. It's very sturdy.”

“Uh-huh...I can see that.” Cloud shifted, feeling highly discomfited with this bizarre turn of events. “You do realise that she was talking about someone who could make a good home, right? Not just a single wall...I have no use for one wall.”

Sephiroth frowned as he considered this revelation carefully. “I see. I did wonder.”

“And...and you didn't think to maybe ask for clarification...like...at all?”

“No.”

“Right. So now I have a wall that I have no idea what to do with. Did you even get planning permission for it?” He glanced back at Sephiroth who was frowning even deeper.

“No.”

“Ok.” Cloud sighed heavily and rubbed at the back of his neck, one hand on his hip.

“You could maybe put a bench there...with flowers. It would look quite pretty.” Sephiroth suggested half heartedly.

“Yeah...and hanging baskets.” Cloud muttered, rolling his eyes.

“Yes.”

“I'm...uh...gunna go talk to Mom...so-uh...you can...er...do whatever...” He turned and walked away.

Later he came back to the centre of town to see people gathered around the random singular wall, Cloud drew closer in curiosity until he pushed his way through the crowd. He came to a stop when he saw Sephiroth kneeling down and planting a vast array of very colourful flowers. A bench sat by the wall with a plaque with Cloud's name on it. Cloud felt heat in his cheeks and groaned heavily, he put a hand to his face and turned away. He left Sephiroth to it and went to hide in his room, hoping no one would pry him from his bed. He was going to sleep and pretend it was all a very weird dream.


	11. Body Pillows And Tail Butt Plugs? How Low Can We Go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pairing Zack/Genesis

By Amy

“....oh, Cloud!”  
Genesis' ears pricked. He opened his bright blue eyes slowly, blinking as he groaned, sitting up and running a hand through his hair. He took his phone from the side table, throwing it onto the bed once he registered how early it was. It was the tenth night in a row now, and he'd had enough.

Grabbing his red coat, he stormed from the room and out of his apartment. He got in the elevator and took it down a floor. Exiting, he was going to burn that puppy and the twink's dicks off. Fucking was fine, but not with that much noise and banging. Reaching the door, he kicked it in, the sounds of the bed smacking into the wall growing louder and louder as Genesis paced through the dark apartment. He heard Zack – the nosiest person he had ever known, and as he kicked open the door to the puppy's bedroom, he drew his hand to his face, wincing at the sight.

Zack whirled around, his face a little sweaty as he tried to hide the vibrating tail buttplug in his ass, but also the pillow that he'd been fucking. The two looked at each other in silence (well, save for the vibrating noise), until Genesis finally broke the silence.

“Are you fucking a pillow? You're fucking a pillow.” Zack looked away, shifting slightly. Genesis strode over, pulling the naked first class up by his hair, he yelped, grabbing Genesis' wrist. “H-Hey! Get off me! And for your information, it's a body pillow, with Cloud on it. I get lonely when he's on missions...we both have one!” His eyes lit up, and the blush over his cheeks intensified as Genesis pulled at the tail curiously. “I don't care about what you and that twink get off on, but look at you, puppy, and your little tail.” He tugged it slightly, Zack stifling back a groan from the sensation. Awkward as it was, Zack didn't care. “I like it, ok. Cloud is squeamish about topping, so I let him use it to get him used to it-”

Genesis wasn't listening, and pushed Zack down on to the bed. He sat either side of his hips, staring nonchalantly at the dripping erection. “You've been keeping me up for the last so many nights, and honestly, I'm sick of hearing you either fucking him or that hideous pillow.” He waved his hand dismissively at the thing, trying to ignore the fact it was probably ridiculously cum-stained. “If you want to fuck that much, how about I keep you up all night screaming, hm?” Genesis leaned down, a devilish grin on his lips as he lightly touched Zack's dick. The younger let out a soft groan, instinctively pushing his hips upward and grinding them into Genesis.

“I wouldn't say no,” Zack smirked, throwing his arms over his head. “Right now, I just need a good fuck, and my cute little Cloud is out of town. There's a condom in the drawer.” He nodded at his draws, and Genesis smirked, throwing his jacket off and kicking off his boxers as he reached over and got what he needed. Zack grabbed Genesis' erection, pumping it quickly; a hungry look in his eyes as he pushed his lips down over the tip, still using a hand to wank himself off. Genesis groaned, pushing his fingers through those black locks and gripping them. His hips rocked roughly in time with Zack's movements, until he'd had enough and pushed the puppy down, grabbing him by the legs and flipping him over onto his stomach, face landing in the pillows.

Genesis looked again at the tail, still vibrating away. He tugged at it, making Zack groan out loudly. “Genesis...” Zack turned a glazed blue eye at the man above him, smile gracing his lips. He pushed his rear upwards and shook it, tail swaying gently. Genesis grabbed it, pulling it slowly out before pushing himself in. It was rough but pleasurable – Genesis had a piercing, and Zack was loving the feeling. He groaned, bucking his hips backwards into Genesis, and that gave him incentive to fuck Zack harder.

“Ahh! Genesis! You are...so good!” Zack moaned into the pillow, a hand reaching underneath him to stroke himself. Genesis grunted, grabbing that toned waist and leaning back, pulling Zack up so he was sat on his lap. “Ahh! Yes, like this!” Genesis took his shoulder and obliged the request, snaking a hand around his waist and helping Zack out. He pushed the flat of his palm against the tip, rubbing it slowly before gripping it hard. He pushed himself further inside Zack's ass, finally getting his entire length inside.

Zack's moans and pants and the hotness in his body rose quickly; he was close. Genesis could go on longer, and he was very much planning to after he made Zack cum. He thrust harder and harder, his own breath increasing and his groin aching for release as Zack clamped down around him. Zack's load shot out over the bed, his body glistening with sweat. He went to ease himself off, as Genesis had also came just after him, but as he tried to wiggle free, Genesis caught him under his chin with his hand.

“Oh no, I'm fucking you all night long. You're not going to sleep if I can't. The Goddess help me, you will not be walking tomorrow.” Genesis bit Zack's ear, running his tongue along the outside and flicked at his lobe. Zack groaned, unable to respond. At the request to neither stop or carry on, Genesis pushed him back into the covers and continued thrusting himself into the toned man beneath him. It continued well until day break, Zack completely spent and covered in his own and Genesis' cum. Some was caught in his mouth, some in his hair.

As Genesis rose, letting out a long sigh, he looked at Zack. “So, First Class Zack Fair. Are you going to stop being a little bitch and keeping me up?”  
Zack made a small thumbs up, grunting in agreement. Genesis smiled and made his way to the door. “Genesis?”  
He stopped, turning his head a fraction. “Yes?”  
“You were good.”  
“I know I am.”  
A soft chuckle escaped Zack's lips. “I wouldn't complain if you came in on me and Cloud, 'specially if that happens again.”  
Genesis turned and looked at him for a moment, before leaving the apartment and the spent man behind.


	12. Yeah...Uh...*Coughs Awkwardly and Walks Away*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one needs a bit of explanation...we listen to way too many Disney songs while writing these things. Sorry. I told you it got weird.

By Amy (because she's a meany poop head)

gaston, gaston he's not as shit as gaston or as thick as gaston or as a big a dick as gaston he is sephiroth the not-a-cumdumpster for hojo lol kimmimaru I went there

 

Cloud smiled at Sephiroth as he slibbered all over the silverette's dingdong. Sephiroth groaned, “yes, suck my dingaling you dirty slut-whore!”


	13. Where Zack and Cloud Learn Not To Mess With Genesis' Copy of LOVELESS...

By Kimmimaru

Genesis sat upon his chez-lounge, reclining gracefully as he picked up the slightly worn book from the table by the seat. He sighed as he picked up a glass of expensive apple wine and sipped delicately at the fluted glass. He opened the book and smiled as he settled down in preparation to read. He was half way through the first paragraph before he realised that it was not, in fact, LOVELESS he was reading. He blinked once and turned the book to look at the cover, it was the same cover as always with its well worn edges and LOVELESS printed boldly on the front. He read through the paragraph again;

Gareth groaned, pushing back against the intrusion of the nine inch dildo.

No. This was definitely not LOVELESS. Genesis put the book down, replacing his glass on the side and stood up slowly. He heard a muffled giggle and frowned in the direction of his closet. He moved over to it and yanked the door open, revealing the would-be pranksters. He stared at Zack, nearly crushing Cloud into the neatly organised shoe rack. Zack offered him a guilty grin but before he could even consider an apology Genesis reached in and grabbed him by the throat. Zack yelped as Genesis threw him against the wall, his free hand rising as flames gathered in the palm of his hand. He bared his teeth at Zack in his fury. “Where is it?” He hissed, moving the flames close to Zack's face as he cringed away. “Where is my copy of LOVELESS you impudent ass?!”

“I-uh...I...” Zack stuttered. “It's in there.” He pointed his finger towards the closet where Cloud was still sitting, a pair of leather pants covering his head so that only one blue eye could be seen.

Genesis dropped Zack and walked over to the terrified Infantryman, he pulled him out and turned him around, forcing him into the wall as he ran his hands over his body. Finally he felt the tell-tale shape of a book in his back pocket. Genesis tore his beloved copy of LOVELESS out and held it to his chest as if it were a precious baby. “If you ever touch this book again I will remove your cocks and fuck you with them. Now, get out!” He demanded and the pair of them fled.


	14. This Song Needs To Die a Painful Death

By Amy

Zack thrust his wang at Cloud, eyebrows raised. “Why don't you suck on my dingaling, my dingaling, my dingaling?” His hips thrust rhymthicly, his eyes smouldering and lustful. Cloud glared at Zack, batting the semi-hard cock away.  
“Dingaling? Really? You think I want that near me you fricking idiot? My boner has gone. Poof! No longer here. It's pining for the fjords.” He rolled his eyes and lay down, hoping his stupid but cute as fuck boyfriend would go the fuck to sleep or try and be sexy. Zack, however, crouched over Cloud and rubbed his hard cock into his cheek. “Suck meeeeee,” he whined, pouting and looking at Cloud with those big, sad blue eyes. Cloud stared up at him, moving the hard member from his cheek. “Only if you behave. Down boy, let me see...” Cloud took the erection in his hand, looking at it intensely, before pulling Zack by it and taking most of it in his mouth.

Zack moaned, hoping Cloud would let him cum in that wet cavern. He wanted Cloud to kiss him afterwards, to taste his own cum and relish in the feel of those soft lips hungrily demanding for Zack to do so many things to him.


	15. Children Are Satan Spawn and Sephiroth Hates Them

By Kimmimaru

Angeal and Genesis sat together on the beach, the sun was high in the sky and Costa Del Sol was as beautiful as ever. They were enjoying their leave, Genesis sitting under an umbrella and drinking numerous cocktails with tiny fruits in them. Angeal lay on his front with his head resting on his massive arms and eyes closed as the sun baked his back. It was lovely and peaceful until...

“GET THEM AWAY FROM MEEEEEEEEEEE!”

The scream made Angeal bolt upright and grab for his sword, which was never far away. He was on his knees and staring in mute horror as Sephiroth came running down the steps from the small seaside town. He fled across the sand and stumbled, nearly tripping over Angeal's towel as he dived behind Genesis' lounge chair. Genesis peered down at him, sucking on the straw of his purple drink and looking over the top of his sunglasses. “What the hell are you doing?” He asked curiously. It took a lot to make Sephiroth lose his cool but they had never seen him react like this.

“Shhh!” Sephiroth pressed a finger to his lips and looked around, pointing Genesis towards the steps he had just come from. “They'll find me!” He hissed.

“Who?” Angeal asked, releasing his sword, he was pretty sure this wasn't a monster attack or Sephiroth would have killed it himself.

“Them!” Sephiroth pointed and Genesis and Angeal watched as a group of small children appeared on the stone wall that separated the town from the beach.

“Kids? Sephiroth...are you scared of children?” Angeal could hardly hide his smirk and Genesis snorted into his drink, almost choking on a piece of fruit.

“They have tiny hands and they touch me. I don't like them. They're coming! Hide me!” He grabbed Genesis' towel and flung it over himself.

“Yeah, that's not going to fool anyone.” Angeal sighed as the children ran towards them.

“Hey, you seen the hero man?” One of them asked brightly.

Genesis lifted a thumb as he settled back down on his lounger and jabbed it at the lumpy towel by his side. “He's there.” He said and picked up his copy of LOVELESS.

“Genesis! You traitor!” Sephiroth cried as he stood up and glared at his friend, the children all laughed and clapped before moving towards him. Sephiroth's sword appeared in his hand and he aimed it at them, only serving to make them squeal in delight. “Get away from me Tiny Satan's!” He growled as he backed away, the children continued to advance like something from a horror movie. “I said get away! Back! Don't do that! Don't touch me! OH GOD GET THEM OFF OF ME!” They swarmed Sephiroth and his friends simply settled back down to enjoy the sunshine, trying to ignore Sephiroth's anguished screams.


	16. What Has Been Seen...

By Kimmimaru

“What the hell's taking him so long?” Genesis sighed as he leaned against the wall. “I have some serious sunbathing to do.”

“For that matter why are we being forced to protect Hojo at the beach?” Angeal sighed, crossing his arms over his chest and looking up at the sky.

“I have no idea why all three of us need to be here.” Sephiroth agreed.

“I'm not complaining.” Genesis grinned, he was dressed in a pair of crimson coloured swimming trunks with pictures of wings all over them.

Sephiroth wore his usual uniform, refusing point blank to wear any sort of swimming attire. Angeal however had put on his own dark swimming trunks with a pattern of apples. Finally Hojo emerged, wearing his white lab coat and laughing maniacally. “Sir, I thought you were going to put on something more...er...appropriate for the beach?” Angeal said warily.

“Oh I am.” Hojo grinned at them and then dramatically threw off his coat, it caught the breeze and flew away to reveal something so hideous Angeal retched violently. Genesis screamed and went as white as a sheet, almost fainting outright and Sephiroth turned away, vomiting into the gutter. Hojo stood in the street outside the hotel, hands on his hips and head thrown back laughing that evil laugh. He was clad in a silver mankini. His chest looked as if he had stuck a curly brown wig to it, his balls oozed from the sides of the mankini like two hairy, sundried tomatoes. The tip of his cock peeped out from the front like a tiny eye, watching everyone who caught sight of it with evil intent. People in the street cried out in horror, mother's covered their children's eyes from the terrifying sight and grown men screamed like little girls. Chaos reigned in Costa Del Sol. Riots ensued as holiday makers fled the town, leaving it almost empty except for Hojo himself who lay on the beach, slowly turning red and continuing to laugh.


	17. YEAH! Let's Get Tseng NAKED!

By Kimmimaru

It was a question that everyone had asked themselves at some point during their time as a Turk. The question that haunted the entire department. A question that appeared unanswerable; what did Tseng have underneath his suit?

“I reckon he's got a horrible disfigurement, yo.” Reno said as he sat in the office and leaned back in his chair. “Like...I dunno...an extra arm or summit stickin' outta his chest.”

Cissnei sniggered. “You'd see a lump if that was true. I think it's likely scars.” She tapped the keys of her keyboard and frowned at the screen as she typed up a report.

“We all go' scars, yo. He aint gunna go aroun' hidin' summit tha' simple.”

“Maybe he's got a horrible birthmark?” Rude suggested half heartedly.

“Or...like...maybe a really bad tattoo.” Reno added with excitement. “Somethin' really embarassin'.”

Rude grunted. “Maybe.” He picked up his mug of coffee and took a sip before stapling a batch of papers together.

“Or he's got such an incredibly hot body that he has to hide it to prevent women from surrounding him.” Cissnei mused.

Reno snorted in disbelief. “If tha' were true, he'd have a girlfriend or summit, man. Nah. I reckon it's somethin' embarassin'.”

There was silence for a long time in the office, each of them lost in their own musings about what hid beneath Tseng's suit. Finally Reno swore loudly, falling forwards on his chair so that the legs slammed against the floor. Cissnei started and looked at him with wide eyes. “Tha's it! I can' concentrate 'til I know! I have to find out what the boss-man's hidin', yo!”

“How? You can't just order him to strip...that's creepy.” Cissnei said.

“I'll find a way.” Reno growled, gazing blindly at his computer screen.

Later Reno started to stalk Tseng in the hopes of finding a weakness or trying to find out if he ever took his suit off. Out of curiosity Cissnei and Rude both followed him. They spent the next half a week following Tseng around the ShinRa building, from the top-secret Turk offices to the basement. They found no sign that he was going to roll up his sleeves or even remove his jacket.

“He doesn't even take off his tie!” Reno complained loudly when the day was over and they were resting back at his and Rude's apartment.

“Maybe you're going about this the wrong way.” Cissnei said slowly, a thoughtful frown on her face. She cocked her head to the side and smirked deviously. “What we need is a really good trap. We need to do something that will force him to remove his suit.”

“Huh. Like wha', yo?” Reno sat up straighter, eyes glittering mischievously.

“Get him wet.” Rude offered, lifting a can of beer he had in his hand and tipping it towards Reno. “If we can get him wet enough he'll be forced to change.”

Reno grinned. “I'm likin' this.” He said.

The next day found Reno, Rude and Cissnei all hidden behind a desk in the Turk's offices. They peered over the top of it and watched the entrance intently. Tseng was as regular as clockwork, they knew his schedule off by heart and knew that any moment he would walk through the door. The door was ajar, resting on top of it was a bucket filled to the brim with water. The idea was simple; the second Tseng opened the door the water would fall on him, soaking him to the skin and then he would be forced to go into his office and change. That would be when the three of them would burst in and catch him in his pants...or so they hoped. The seconds ticked by, Reno shifted uncomfortably. As used to hiding as he was he still found that he had very little patience. His eyes remained glued to the door and he heard his friends' breathing in his ears. Finally they heard Tseng's voice, he was talking on his phone.

“Yes sir. I will do that as soon as I've filed the reports on the incident in South Edge. Of course sir. I will put him on it right away.” Tseng stepped in through the door and the other Turks held their breaths. The bucket wobbled, one or two droplets of water fell onto the carpet behind Tseng as he stepped into the room, still distracted by his phone call. He had a stack of papers in one hand that he was going through as he pressed the phone to his ear with his shoulder. In his other hand he held the remains of a half eaten sandwich. “Mm. Yes sir. It was quite the difficult mission, we had some issues but it was quickly resolved. Of course, I will ensure-” He broke off and blinked at the three Turks all crouched behind one desk, they were looking at him owlishly from over the top of it like three naughty children. “What on earth are you three doing? Don't you have work to be getting on with?” He asked in bewilderment.

Cissnei flushed and stood up first, she straightened out her uniform and cleared her throat. “Sorry sir. Reno dropped his pen and we-er...we were trying to find it.”

“Yeah. Tha's righ'...dropped pen...definitely.” Reno agreed, digging in his pocket and withdrawing a spare pen he always carried. He waved it at Tseng who glared at them suspiciously for a moment.

“All right then. Carry on with those files on AVALANCHE, I want them on my desk by Monday, Reno.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Reno sighed as Tseng walked the length of the room and into his office. The second the door closed behind him Reno swore and ran to the office door. He looked up at the bucket angrily. “Why din't it fall, yo?” He muttered, pulling the door a little and watching the bucket wobble.

“Uh...Reno, I wouldn't-” Rude began but was too late. The bucket crashed down from the door, sending a cascade of freezing water all over Reno's head. The bucket itself landed with a thud and rolled away over the carpet. Reno stood, frozen to the spot, eyes wide with shock and lips parted as if he was going to speak. “Too late.” Rude said, a smirk lifting the corner of his mouth as Reno came to himself and began spluttering and cursing. Cissnei began to giggle and Rude joined her helplessly.

Once Reno was dry again, wearing one of the spare uniforms they kept in a nearby cloak room, he sat at his desk and muttered angrily about stupid Tseng and his stupid suit. He couldn't believe Tseng had managed the impossible feat of avoiding their trap, it was so simple it should have worked. How did a man have so much good luck? It was impossible. He stabbed impatiently at the keys of his computer, not really concentrating on what he was writing. He paused and blinked at his screen for a moment. “Maybe we gotta try summit else, yo.” He said and turned to Rude who peered at him, eyes narrowed behind his sunglasses. “Why else would someone take off their clothes?”

“To sleep?” Rude offered with a shrug.

“Won' work, yo. He don' sleep in his office an' his apartment's harder ta get into than the ShinRa bank vaults. Nah. We gotta think bigger.” He spread his hands out and widened his eyes as he tried to convey his meaning to his partners in crime.

“Hmm.” Cissnei considered her pen for a moment before smiling. “People take off their clothes to have sex, right?”

“Yes!” Reno hissed, grinning broadly. “We jus' gotta find someone ta seduce him!” He paused and frowned, gazing blindly at his screen. “Bu' who, yo?” He asked faintly.

Rude and Cissnei exchanged evil looks. “You.” They said in unison.

“Me?!” Reno looked at them as if they'd lost their minds. “He aint my type, yo! He's...he's too straight an' narrow!”

“If anyone can get into his pants it's you.” Cissnei assured him confidently. “After all, you've had more conquests than Rude and I put together.”

Reno frowned at her, uncertain if that was actually a compliment or whether she was calling him a whore. “But...this's Tseng. Ya know, Boss-man. Suit-dude. He's no' gunna get naked if I come onto him. If anythin' i'll end up gettin' shit duty.”

“Oh come on, Reno. You're doing yourself a disservice.” Cissnei stood up and moved to his desk, she perched on the edge of it and smiled down at him. “You can get into anyone's knickers.”

Reno sighed heavily. “All righ', fine, yo. I'll do it.”

Tseng sat in his office typing up some of the confidential files from the science department. He frowned as he worked, rolling his shoulders occasionally to ease the tension in them. It was uncomfortable to be sat at his desk for so long but he had to get the work done or Veld would punish him. He sighed and rubbed his strained eyes, it was taking far longer than he liked. A knock disturbed him just as he was writing up a description of some of the things Zack Fair and Shotgun had witnessed when they had gone on a mission in Icicle. He looked up with a frown. “Come in.” He said and the door opened to reveal Reno. “Reno, what can I do for you?” Tseng asked, standing and lifting a hand, offering Reno a seat. Reno hesitated, a flicker of a nervous smile crossing his face as he glanced back into the main offices. He seemed to collect himself before slinking into the large office. He ignored the offered seat and instead perched himself on the corner of Tseng's desk, Tseng refrained from wincing as he sat on a neatly stacked pile of papers destined to be sent down to Records. “Reno...what do you want?” Tseng asked, refraining from pushing him off of his immaculately organised desk. Already his eye was twitching as he tried to ignore the crumpled paper beneath Reno's bum.

“I-uh...I was jus' wonderin' how you are, yo.” Reno began hesitantly, fiddling awkwardly with the hem of his un-tucked shirt. Gaia it annoyed Tseng when he fiddled, it annoyed him when he wore his uniform in a way that was far from regulation.

“I'm fine.” Tseng said tersely. “You've never taken the chance to ask after my welfare before and I suspect that that is not the real reason you're here now. I'm a very busy man, spit it out.”

A rather pained look crossed Reno's face before he took a deep breath, as if steeling himself for something and, before Tseng could react, he reached over and cupped a hand around the back of Tseng's neck. Tseng had time for his eyes to widen before lips were pressed to his own and a hot tongue forced its way into his mouth. He froze solid for a long time as his brain processed the fact that Reno was kissing him. When it hit him he frowned and clenched his teeth, biting into that invading appendage and causing Reno to yelp. Reno jerked backwards and slid inelegantly off the desk, he swore loudly and sent a glare at Tseng. “Wha' 'he he', 'o!” He exclaimed, holding his tongue between his fingers and trying to see how badly damaged it was.

“I should be asking you the same question.” Tseng replied sternly. “Have you been drinking?”

“No!” Reno winced again and swore under his breath. “I aint been drinkin'! Gimme some credit.”

“Then why did you try to kiss me?” Tseng asked.

“'Coz...'coz I-I...” Reno trailed off, a brief look of disgust crossed his face. “I...really like you, sir.” He said finally, his hands clenching into fists at his sides as he spoke in a robotic voice as if he had learnt the speech by heart. “I think you are wonderful and hot. I wanted to get you naked a-and...oh fuck this, yo! Cissnei, I can' do I'!”

“Reno, you're useless!” Cissnei called from the other side of Tseng's door.

“Well i's stupid! I aint inta Tseng an' I can' lie abou' it!”

The door opened to reveal a sulky looking Cissnei. “You'd sleep with anyone, Reno, why are you getting cold feet now?!”

“Oi! Watch it, yo! I have standards!”

Cissnei snorted. “Yeah, right.”

Before Reno could retort, Tseng held up a hand. “Look, I hate to interrupt your debate on how slutty Reno is and how I am, obviously, not his type but I have to know what is going on?”

The two of them hung their heads, properly chastised. “Sorry, sir.” They muttered in unison. They glanced at each other and Cissnei elbowed Reno in the side, shoving him forward a little. Reno glared at her before sighing and looking at Tseng. “Sir, we've been tryin' ta see what ya got under your suit, yo.” He declared boldly.

Tseng took a moment to look down at the papers Reno had messed up, he adjusted them and put them back into a neat pile before finally looking up. A small smile curled his lips as he stepped around his desk and stood before the two Turks. “Oh?” He asked, eyes flicking from one to the other.

“Uh-yes...sir...” Cissnei agreed, blushing slightly.

“Well, ya never take the damned thing off, yo! It's drivin' me nuts! Even when it's too hot or you're tryin'a relax. We gotta know what's under there.” Reno said desperately.

“And so you stalked me, tried to get me wet and then tried to come onto me in an attempt to see what I have under my suit?” Tseng's eyes narrowed as he looked from one abashed face to another.

“Yeah...pretty much, yo.”

“Why didn't you just ask?” Tseng sighed, leaning back against his desk and smirking at their shocked expressions. “I would have been more than willing to show you.”

“Wha'?!”

Tseng's smile turned into a smirk as he reached to his tie and undid it. He slipped it from around his throat and placed it on the desk at his back. Slowly, with his eyes on the two Turks before him, he began to unbutton the shirt. Reno and Cissnei leaned forward, watching eagerly.

Rude sat at his desk, drinking coffee and sending some e-mails when he heard Reno's loud voice from Tseng's office.

“OH COME ON! THAT'S BLATENT CHEATIN'!”

“I've done what I said and I showed you, now, get out.”

Rude looked up as Cissnei and Reno were thrown physically out of Tseng's office. Reno growled and straightened out his shirt, Cissnei looked very disappointed. Rude arched an eyebrow in question; well?

“He showed us what's under his shirt.” Cissnei sighed.

“And?” Rude asked.

“It's another damned shirt! The dirty cheatin' fucker.” Reno growled, moving back to his chair and slumping down into it.


	18. Dude...I Totally Miss You...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stupid Reno/Rude dude-bro thing...it's basically just the two of them texting each other and based (obviously) on the song of the same name by Tenacious D.

By Kimmimaru

RUDE THE DUDE: Wow! I'm in Costa Del Sol with Cissnei, she should wear a bikini more often. Here's a pic.

RENO: Nice one, bro. I'm gunna blow my own fuckin' brains out if I have ta listen to these suits drone on much longer, yo. Miss ya Bud.

RUDE THE DUDE: If you did that then we wouldn't be able to go drinking again when I return. I miss you too, Cissnei isn't half as much fun as you.

RENO: Dude, I'm blushin'.

RUDE THE DUDE: We have to go to the Goblin and have a few. I'll be back next week and we can shoot the shit.

RENO: Sounds good, bro. We gunna get laid.

RUDE THE DUDE: I will. You can puke your guts up.

RENO: Thanks. Nice ta know you got faith in me, man.

RUDE THE DUDE: Not a problem. The beach is pretty nice. This girls got a hot pair of legs, wanna see?

RENO: Why the hell not, yo? I need wank material.

RUDE THE DUDE: Here.

RENO: Wow. Sweet. Get her number for me.

RUDE THE DUDE: Can't. She's getting off with some other guy.

RENO: Damn, bro.

RUDE THE DUDE: Cissnei's giving me suspicious looks. I think she's on to me.

RENO: Dude. Fuckin' run. She's got a hell of a right hook!

RUDE THE DUDE: Got ya. Text later.

RENO: Yeah, man. Still missin' ya.

RUDE THE DUDE: Dude...miss you too.


	19. Sweet Like Chocolate (or; 'Liquid Shit'...but that sounds gross so I went with the first title)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tseng/Reno PWP.

By Kimmimaru

Tseng rubbed at the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut in an attempt to give them a break from the glare of his computer screen. After a moment he sighed heavily and looked up, his work was unfinished but he could no longer concentrate. He had been worked ragged since Rufus had decided that the remains of ShinRa were to work side by side with the WRO, Reeve was suspicious but cordial, which was more than could be said for certain others who worked under the ex-Director of Urban Development. Reno and Rude were running around on Rufus' orders, coming back only infrequently and leaving Tseng to work with Elena who, although she was very sweet, had romantic feelings for him. Tseng hadn't yet had the heart to admit to her that his interests lay elsewhere, he couldn't bear the thought of hurting her. He had tried plenty of times before to put her off but she was having none of it. 

Tseng looked up at the clock on his office wall and noted it was well past one am, he saved his document and turned off his computer before stretching and moving towards his bedroom. ShinRa's new headquarters were simple but had enough room for the few employees who had deigned to return. Each Turk had their own room which was a novelty since the old ShinRa building had them rooming in pairs when not out on missions. Tseng gazed at his bed, the cold sheets, the loneliness. Once again he sighed, leaning against the door frame and folding his arms across his chest. It was lonesome, being a Turk. People still feared them so chances of finding someone to share his bed for an evening were few and far between. As he was about to go and take a shower, someone knocked on his bedroom door. He frowned a little but went to answer it anyway. "Reno!" He said in surprise when his second in command's face appeared, grinning and holding up a bottle of chocolate flavoured vodka. 

"Yo, Director. I got us a li'l somethin'." He arched an eyebrow, waiting.

Tseng considered the strangely flavoured alcohol before smiling a little and stepping aside, Reno walked past him and into his room. "A little late to be calling on me, don't you think?" He said mildly as he went to the kitchen and picked out two shot glasses from a cupboard. "And with alcohol no less. At first glance it would appear that you were, perhaps, trying to seduce me." He reappeared to find Reno lounging on the sofa, arms behind his head and a small, lazy smile on his lips. His long legs stretched before him and his position afforded Tseng a rather lovely view of his exposed stomach where his untucked shirt rode up.

"Maybe I am, yo. What of it?" Reno raised an eyebrow again as Tseng moved forward and pushed his feet off of the sofa so that he could sit at his side. 

"Hm. Are you going through a bit of a dry patch then?" He asked as he picked up the vodka and poured two shot glasses full.

"Ya know, me, yo. I never get dry patches." Reno winked roguishly and downed his shot. 

Tseng smiled as he lifted his own glass to his lips, watching Reno through half-lidded eyes. "Perhaps it's not appropriate to seduce your boss, especially when we've been so busy."

"I don' care, yo. I been waitin' for the chance ta get ya inta bed again an' now I'm takin' it."

"I see." Tseng threw the shot back and winced. "That is horrible!" He exclaimed and shivered.

Reno laughed. "Was a gift from Tifa, yo. She said it's really popular among the kids."

"Kids? Meteor must have destroyed their taste buds." Tseng muttered, frowning at the brown liquid. "It even looks like shit."

"Liquid shit. Yum." Reno laughed, pouring them both another glass. "You're still drinkin' it, yo. No one else'll touch the stuff."

"Wonderful." Tseng winced again as he downed his shot. "Still vile." He mumbled as he handed the glass back to Reno to re-fill. 

They drank a few more shots before Reno sank back into the sofa. "I saw Strife yesterday, yo. He was takin' a package to some guy in Kalm, we said a few words. I'll tell ya somethin', boss, the kid's lightened up since the Sephiroth incident. He actually smiles, would ya believe? He's got a pretty smile, yo...a pretty ass too."

Tseng hummed to himself, the alcohol warming his chest pleasantly, despite its dodgy taste. "I remember his ass rather well, or at least what it looked like when he was in the infantry."

Reno blinked and then grinned. "I forgo' ya wen' on tha' mission with him an' Fair, yo."

"I did. I wonder if he even remembers that?" Tseng mused softly, allowing Reno to force another drink into his hand. "Modeoheim...I was injured there along with Cloud while Zack was forced to deal with Angeal alone. I should have done more..." Tseng trailed off and shook his head rapidly. 

"Aint no good dwellin' on the past, yo." Reno said, leaning forward and refilling Tseng's glass before taking a drink himself straight from the bottle. "Wha's done is done, aint no goin' back. We can on'y try an' make up for the shit we done." He smiled and Tseng returned the expression, he lifted his glass and clinked it to the side of Reno's.

"To the future, then?"

"Yeah, Boss. A future." Reno's eyes sparkled and his smile broadened. "In all honesty, I never though' I'd ge' one...when I was kid I never looked beyond that day, when I joined you guys I coulda died any damned second an' then Meteor fell an' I...I lived. There musta been a reason, righ'? I figured tha' the reason was so I could make up for it. For everythin' I...I did." His eyes flickered momentarily, as if something disturbed him and Tseng knew what it was, he reached out and put a hand on Reno's thigh.

"As you said; there's no point dwelling on the past." Tseng leaned closer, his eye lids lowering as Reno met him half way. A hand came up and brushed gently through Tseng's hair, he tilted his head slightly and his lips met Reno's. "The future." He breathed as he paused, dark eyes scanning his subordinates face before his smile returned. Reno's tongue slid out from between his lips, he lapped at Tseng's mouth who let out a soft whisper of a moan. He closed his mouth on Reno's, his eyes sliding shut as he pushed his tongue into Reno's mouth, his empty glass slid from his hand as he lifted them and pushed them into Reno's hair, forcing out the tie holding it back. He could taste chocolate on Reno's tongue, a far nicer version than the disgusting stuff in the bottle. He pushed Reno backwards into the cushions, hearing a soft groan escape his lips which he devoured. The sweet taste of chocolate suited Reno, Tseng couldn't get enough of it. It had been far too long since he had allowed himself to indulge in Reno's body, they had hardly had much time for anything except the odd quick fuck on missions. Now he intended to savour him. Reno ran delicate fingers through Tseng's long, satiny hair. It was so thick and black it seemed to suck in the light and was heavier than was first apparent. Tseng tugged on Reno's shirt, tearing at the buttons a little as he tried to get it open without breaking the kiss. Reno was a little breathless, Tseng was the best kisser he'd ever had the pleasure of meeting, his tongue was practically magical. When he realised Tseng was having difficulty with his shirt, Reno helped him undo it. When it fell open Tseng's hands slid beneath it, he muttered something under his breath, it sounded like Reno's name as his fingers found his nipples. Reno pulled out of the kiss reluctantly, gasping and arching his back as he turned dark eyes onto his boss.

"Yo," He said hoarsely. "Le's take this inta the bedroom." 

Tseng nodded and slid off of the sofa, helping Reno to his feet as he did so. Together they made their way to the bedroom, Tseng paused at the door and shoved Reno against it, causing it to knock loudly against the wall. He dragged Reno's mouth to his again by a handful of Reno's hair and forced his tongue into his mouth. He flicked it against Reno's tongue, forcing him to moan and his hands to tug at his suit. Reno pulled away again and dragged Tseng towards the bed, shedding his jacket with one hand as he went. He tossed it to the floor and fell backwards, bouncing a little as Tseng fell on top of him. They continued to kiss, breathing heavily as Reno ran both hands up Tseng's back. Their hips moved against each other, the slow rocking motions barely noticed by either of them as they panted into each others mouths. "Fuck." Reno hissed, arching his back and closing his eyes. "Ah, shit...keep tha' up an' I'll explode in my pants, yo." He muttered, fingers tightening on Tseng's jacket.

Tseng swallowed a lump in his throat before moving to his knees which were planted either side of Reno's thighs and sliding his jacket off. It joined Reno's on the floor. He tore his shirt out of his pants but before he could even attempt to loosen his tie, Reno had grabbed it and wound it around his fist. He dragged Tseng to him and kissed him again while his free hand slid between their aching bodies. He grabbed Tseng's cock over the fabric of his pants and squeezed lightly, making Tseng hiss and arch his own back, pushing his cock deeper into Reno's firm palm. "H-Hurry." He managed to breath and Reno smirked as he unzipped Tseng's fly and pushed his hand beneath the tight silk of his boxers. "Reno..." Tseng whispered, his voice thick with desire and his eyes alight. Reno wrapped his fingers around Tseng's erection and squeezed, he moved his hand up slowly, circling the head with a thumb and watching his boss' reactions intently. Finally Tseng grabbed his hand and stilled the movements, he smiled down at Reno and kissed him deeply again. He pulled Reno's fly down and forced his trousers over his hips and over one leg but that was as far as he was bothered to go, there were far more enticing things he would rather be doing than undressing. He moved down Reno's body, kissing and leaving tiny bruises in his wake, listening to Reno's soft hissing curses. When he reached Reno's erection he ran a finger slowly up it, watching the redhead writhe before following the finger with his tongue. He slid his mouth over the tip and sucked once before wrapping his tongue around the head and pulling away again. "Reno...the draw..." He muttered, sliding a hand slowly up Reno's thigh. Reno took a moment to realise what Tseng meant before rolling onto his side and reaching for the draw in Tseng's bedside table. He took out some lube and tossed it to Tseng who caught it.

"Guess I'm bottom tonigh', yo." Reno grinned and Tseng smiled as he slicked up his fingers.

"I am far too stressed to allow you to do me tonight." Tseng said absently as he ran his wet fingers around Reno's ass hole. He probed experimentally and watched Reno's reaction, the man's face was so expressive it was quite fascinating to watch. 

"Fuck, hurry i-it up boss...I need ya inside me..." Reno grunted when the first finger penetrated him and sighed in relief. Tseng licked his lips before going down on Reno once again, he felt fingers curl into his hair again and tug while Reno's hips jerked, forcing himself deeper. Tseng swallowed in reflex to prevent himself from gagging as Reno thrust a little too forcefully, he would have to punish him later for that. When he deemed Reno ready he added another finger, feeling Reno's body tremble in reaction. He pulled away from Reno's cock and licked his lips, lifting his eyes to look up Reno's taught body and admire it as he prepared him. Reno had one hand in his hair, his face a picture of ecstasy and his open shirt falling from his shoulders. Tseng smiled, it really had been a long time since they had been together. He added another finger just to tease and heard Reno curse, his legs spread wider and he made an odd little gasping noise that went straight to Tseng's cock. He moaned in response, causing Reno to look at him and smirk.

Finally Tseng pulled his fingers out and poured more lubrication into his hands, he warmed it before coating his dick, eyes glued to Reno who was gazing at him heatedly. He gripped Reno's hip with one hand, nails digging into tight flesh as he used his other hand to line himself up with Reno's ass hole. Slowly he slid inside, his eye lids lowering as tight heat encased him.

Reno groaned as Tseng filled him, he lifted his hips up to give his boss better access and wrapped his legs around Tseng's waist. He drew him in closer, encouraging him with soft noises before finally Tseng was fully seated. They took a moment to breathe before Tseng drew back out, just as slowly. Reno arched his back, hissing air through his teeth as Tseng pushed back in again. The pace was slow and it was driving Reno insane, he reached down and wrapped his fingers around his cock, moving his hand in time with Tseng's hips. Hands glided up Reno's thighs, moving to his dark pubic hair and tugging lightly before Reno opened his eyes a little and reached up with his free hand, he snatched at Tseng's tie which was still around his neck and yanked himself up with it until he was sat in Tseng's lap. "Impatient." Tseng hissed as the position adjusted and Reno began riding him, he leaned in and kissed him forcefully. "Fuck. You're so good." He whispered, nipping at Reno's ear and listening to him grunt. Reno's pace was faster than Tseng's, his body moving instinctively as he pawed at his boss, touching his chest, his hair, anything he could reach. The bed creaked beneath them as Reno's thighs tensed with each thrust, Tseng matched him perfectly as he bit and licked Reno's throat. He caught hold of Reno's erection, his hand covering Reno's which was already there. Reno's head fell back and he muttered Tseng's name deliriously. 

Sweat broke out over their skin, their mouths were locked together and they swallowed each others moans. Their movements became jerky, uncontrolled and it wasn't long before Reno began shuddering as Tseng pushed him further and further towards orgasm. He began to chant his bosses name, hissing it into his talented mouth and listening to Tseng's soft, gasping breaths in reply. He felt nails drag down his back, leaving behind sharp red lines. Tseng's teeth dug into his bottom lip and he uttered a desperate grunt. His stomach tightened, his body tensing and he very nearly stopped breathing as his balls drew in. He tightened the hand he had on his cock and gave it a final twist, his ass clamped down hard on Tseng who swore softly but continued his own ragged thrusts into Reno's body as he came hard all over their stomachs.

Tseng lifted both hands and tangled them deep into Reno's sweaty hair, he gripped it tightly, continuing to move with his lover before pleasure plunged a dagger deep into his gut. "Reno." He grunted against Reno's wet lips and trembled, his cock twitched inside Reno's body, making him moan and close his eyes. 

"S-shit. Shit boss." Reno gasped as they both slowly came down from their highs. Tseng muffled a soft laugh into Reno's shoulder, running fingers softly through red strands of hair as he took in the scent of their activities. 

"Good?" He mumbled as he let Reno fall back onto the bed and drag him with him, strong legs surrounded his waist in reluctance to let him go. 

"Fuck yeah." Reno gasped, smiling up at Tseng happily. "Jus' wha' the doctor ordered, yo."

Tseng shifted uncomfortably and Reno finally let him draw away, his hair slid over one shoulder in a a wave of tangled, sweaty black. "Mmm. I believe that it may benefit us greatly if we schedule this in as a regular meeting." Tseng said as he collapsed beside Reno and kissed his lips gently.

"Sounds like a plan, boss." Reno sighed contentedly.

"I could get used to chocolate vodka, I think."

"Ya could?" Reno's eyes were drifting closed as Tseng pressed gentle kisses over his shoulder. 

"Hmm, yes. I like how it tastes on you."


	20. Daddy Issues

By Amy

Zack sighed heavily, pulling his training bag across his shoulder and starting towards the door where Angeal stood waiting.  
"Ready? I've a meeting with Sephiroth, Genesis and the Director, and they've been kind enough to let you come along. As I said earlier, please just listen." Angeal pushed the button on the wall and the doors slid open. Zack rolled his eyes, pulling at the collar around his neck.  
"Yeah, yeah. I know already." He grinned at Angeal, who chuckled to himself.

The two made their way up several floors and along corridors that all looked the same. "What happens in here?"  
"Meetings, Zack."  
"Is this an important one - the one we're off to?"  
Angeal paused."It's important, but not important enough that you couldn't attend. For serious meetings, only the First Classes go. Even more serious ones are for the Director and Sephiroth." The large man stopped in front of a door and took a pass from his pocket before swiping it through the card reader. The door clicked, and opened to reveal a room with Genesis - who Zack had met a few times - lounging in his chair with a variety of files on his desk. Sephiroth sat opposite another man with blond hair, who Zack knew to be Lazard. Angeal moved forwards, Zack in tow behind him.

"Why is the puppy here?" Genesis cocked an eyebrow as Angeal settled beside him.   
"Second Class Fair is here by request of Angeal," Lazard answered, not even looking up from his paperwork he was reading. "He has been recognised as a talented member of SOLDIER. Obviously this can be seen as he is under the tutelage of a serving First Class." Lazard finally looked up, smiling slightly at Zack who settled beside his mentor. "If we are ready, then the first order of business is deciding drinks. Faye, will you please enter." Lazard turned his head and watched as a woman entered the room. She looked around quickly before bowing her head and pushing in the trolley with cups, a hot water machine of some variety, and various hot drink packaging. 

Faye took everyone's orders one by one. She reached Zack finally, who smiled warmly at her. Her face flushed before she moved out of the room, Zack pushing back on his chair to watch her leave.  
"Zack, focus!" Angeal hissed, smacking his student upside the head. Zack whined, rubbing the back of his head.  
"Gods, sorry dad." He muttered flippantly. His muttering, however, was heard by Genesis who turned slowly. "Did you just call Angeal 'dad'?"  
Zack blinked, "n--no of course not! I know he's not my dad!"  
"You have called him dad before, though." Sephiroth finally mused from the end of the table, inspecting his gloves nonchalantly.  
"What?! No, I didn't call him dad. Angeal isn't my dad, right da-Angeal?"  
"You were gonna call him dad again." Genesis sniggered, flicking the hair from his face.  
"No I wasn't!"  
"It did sound like you were going to call him dad." Lazard replied, smirking lightly.  
"I also heard you initially mutter dad at Angeal. Do not deny it, Second Class Fair." Sephiroth glared down the table at the boy in denial.

Angeal held back a chuckle as he turned to Zack. "I had no idea you saw me in such a way. If you have some deep-rooted father issues, I am happy to talk about it with you."   
Genesis snorted as Zack stared at his mentor in disbelief. He tried to stammer out a response, but Genesis beat him to a reply. "Angeal, perhaps you have been too fatherly towards him. You do treat him like a son when, ultimately, he would be like an annoying little brother. Do you, perhaps, have some family issues of your own?"  
Angeal raised an eyebrow. "You are my annoying little brother, I don't need another one." He playfully punched Genesis in the arm, grin on his face. Sephiroth caught Lazard's eyes, a hint of something deeper in that usually stoic gaze.

Zack stammered and stuttered, unsure if he was offended, confused or frustrated that no one would let him speak. "It was an accident!" He finally blurted out. "Why would I see Angeal as my dad - I know who my dad is!" The atmosphere suddenly changed from light to heavy; Genesis, Sephiroth and Lazard all giving him sharp glares.

"What? What did I say?" Zack gave Angeal a puzzled look. Angeal shifted on his seat, now looking a little awkward. Zack, however, hadn't clicked. "I mean, we all know who our dads are, yeah?" Zack looked around the table to see even darker looks at him. He sunk into his seat, hoping Angeal would help him out.

"Angeal." Genesis bit out. "If you do not remove this puppy from the meeting now, I am going to set fire to him."  
"Genesis, he didn't mean-"  
"This meeting is adjourned for now." Lazard finally said, standing from his seat and leaving the room briskly. Sephiroth followed suit. Genesis glared at Zack before huffing angrily and storming out. 

"A-Angeal?" Zack was met with silence as Angeal nursed his tea in his hand, the other clasped around his face. "Does everyone have daddy issues or something?" The naive look on Zack's face said it all. Angeal removed his hand from his face and let out a long sigh. "Son, you have no idea." There was a brief pause.

"Angeal."  
"Yeah?"  
"You know I'm not your son, right?" Angeal rounded on his student and batted him around the head. He rose from his seat and headed towards the door. Perhaps this was too early for Zack to be introduced to meetings - especially with the others.


	21. ShinRa Calendar 20XX. On Sale At Only 50 Gil, Offer Ends This Sunday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up, I do tend to use the age of consent in Britain (which is sixteen), being English it's just natural. So, when people refer to Zack being an adult at eighteen then by British law he IS. As for the older ones referring to them as 'kids' well, at my age everyone younger than me is a kid so I just automatically write that way. Sorry. The other SOLDIER's are their canonical ages too, so Genesis and Sephiroth are twenty and Angeal is twenty five, as they are in Crisis Core. 
> 
> Contains Voyeurism, many naked men and lots of perving.
> 
> (This one is currently unfinished but I kind of lost my way with it, I hope what I have written is acceptable and as amusing as I think it is...although my sense of humour is weird)

By Kimmimaru

"It's for charity." Genesis said in a soft, wheedling voice as he pushed the letter under Angeal's nose.

"Charity?" Angeal blinked down at the letter, taking it from his best friends hands and scanning it. He sipped at his hot cup of tea and leaned back on the comfortable sofa in the SOLDIER lounge. "Hm. I could do it if it's for a Charity..." He said thoughtfully.

"The fan clubs would tear each other apart to get their hands on it, Angeal. It would make a killing and look, we'd be helping those poor, helpless little souls in the Slums." Genesis pointed at a picture of a skinny child with dirty hair and large, pleading eyes. "They're going for fifty Gil a piece." He paused and frowned a little. "The calenders, not the children. That would be weird."

"Ok. I'll do it." Angeal smiled at Genesis' surprise. "What, did you think I wouldn't? It says here that it won't be full nudity; the important stuff is going to be covered up."

"Yeah but I didn't expect you to agree so readily. I had this whole dramatic speech planned out to try and convince you." He sniffed and took the letter from Angeal as he sank onto the sofa at his side. "It's useless now. It was really impressive too."

"I'm sure you'll find another situation where it would be appropriate." Angeal assured him, taking another sip of his tea. "Who else has signed up?"

"Your puppy was very eager to do it, any excuse to get naked and he's on it like a Jumping in heat. He's also roped in his little infantry friend, the blond one. I'm going to ask Sephiroth too."

"He won't do it." Angeal said, shaking his head. "Nothing will convince him to take his clothes off, he won't care about some children in the slums."

Genesis smirked deviously, brushing hair from his eyes as he stretched an arm along the back of the sofa and leaned into Angeal. "Oh I know something that would convince him."

"Oh no. Not one of your 'plans'..." Angeal sighed heavily and stood up. "Don't get me involved this time, Genesis. I don't want to end up in Sephiroth's black book again like last time."

"Oh no, trust me. This time he will jump at the chance to show the world what a sexy body he has."

Angeal frowned at the eagerness on his friends face. "Do I want to know?"

Genesis grinned broadly. "Zack's little infantry friend is exactly Sephiroth's type. Small, cute, blond and shy...he'll be very eager to see him naked."

"I see." Angeal sighed and shook his head. "Don't come running to me again when he sets fire to your hair." He strode off, hearing Genesis chuckle maniacally. 

XXX

The volunteers for the calendar gathered outside conference room 12 where they had set up a temporary studio. Genesis leaned against the wall outside the door, a smile on his lips as Sephiroth stood nearby looking uncomfortable. Angeal checked his PHS and saw he had hundreds of messages from fans about his rumoured appearance in the calender. It seemed that Genesis was correct, they would make a lot of money for the poorer kids. 

"Oh man, I can' wait, yo! This is gunna be my ticket inta so many pants." 

The First Class SOLDIER's looked up at the sound of the voice and saw several well dressed Turks walking down the corridor towards them. Angeal recognised Tseng, Reno and Rude, all of whom he had worked with at one time or another. He wasn't surprised to see the red head there, his reputation around ShinRa proceeded him. What did surprise him, however, was the fact that behind them came Lazard and then Reeve Tuesti. Lazard smiled when he saw the SOLDIER's, he walked over to them. "Hello, Angeal." He said and turned to greet Genesis and Sephiroth. "It's good to see you all taking part in this. I had hoped you would."

"It's our pleasure to help out the poor." Angeal replied smoothly.

"Ah, this is Reeve Tuesti..." Lazard lifted a hand to indicate the man in the blue suit.

"Yes, we've met." Genesis said and lifted a hand, Reeve took it with a smile.

"Genesis, it's good to see you again. Angeal, Sephiroth." He nodded to each of them in turn. "I would like to thank you on behalf of the SCP for volunteering for this. It is much appreciated that men of your calibre have decided to give up your precious time."

"Trust me, Director, it's our pleasure." Angeal smiled.

"Hey! Hey! ANGEAL!"

Angeal turned to see Zack running down the corridor towards them, his bright grin plastered over his face. He threw himself at his mentor who felt all the air rush from his lungs as Zack's strong arms encased his waist. Zack laughed as Angeal struggled to free himself. "Zack...Zack let go."

"Sorry." Zack stepped back and turned to drag a small blond boy wearing infantry blues from seemingly nowhere. "Angeal, this is Cloud. He's gunna help out."

"I see. Hello Cloud, my name's Angeal." He held out his hand with a gentle smile.

Cloud blushed bright pink but managed to hold out his own hand and take Angeal's, he was so tiny Angeal was terrified he was going to break him. "I-It's good to meet you sir." He said softly.

"Well hello cutie." Genesis murmured from Angeal's side, running his eyes up and down Cloud's body hungrily. "My name is Genesis Rhapsodos." 

Cloud took Genesis' hand and offered another quiet, polite greeting. He smiled a knowing smile. His blue eyes shone brightly as they moved over the First Classes to land on Sephiroth. Everyone heard the tiny hitch in his breath and Angeal smiled when Cloud's cheeks brightened in colour and his eyes became huge in his face. Cloud licked his lips nervously as he gazed up at his hero. "S-Sephiroth, s-sir. I-It's good to finally m-meet you."

Sephiroth's smile was small and Angeal saw the hunger in his gaze, although he hid it far better than Genesis. "It is a pleasure to meet you, Cloud." He said slowly, his voice forcing a small shudder from Cloud as they shook hands. The poor boy looked like he was about to faint when Zack laughed and flung an arm around his shoulders.

"Calm down, Cloud, you're gunna hyperventilate." Zack said softly, smoothing a gloved hand through Cloud's spiky hair. The boy took a deep, slow breath and let it out before lowering his head and hiding half his face in his scarf.

He's so fucking sexy. His voice...gods...if he talks like that normally I wonder what he sounds like in the middle of sex? Cloud glanced back up at Sephiroth and swallowed before looking back down at his boots. I've got a hard on already. This is not good.

The last two people to appear were Veld and Rufus. Everyone looked up as they approached, Veld greeted his Turks warmly and Reno laughed at something someone said. Rufus looked over the group, cold eyes marking each of them before landing on his half brother. A sneer etched itself across his face and Lazard stiffened, hands clenching into fists. The tension increased until Angeal worried there was going to be a fight, but the door opened and made some of them jump.

"Ok, we're ready for you now." A woman said, smiling as she ran her eyes over everyone. "Please come in." She stepped aside and they all filed into the room.

The table that would have normally sat in the centre of the room had been moved aside to make room for a large white screen. Lights stood on poles, directed at the screens. There were circles of reflective material, props and several cameras on tripods. A man stood by one of these, frowning as he peered through the view finder. The woman held out her arms in a welcoming gesture. "Welcome to the first photo shoot of what we hope will be an annual calender for the Slum Children's Project. The intention of this charity is to raise money for the less fortunate people in the slums-"

Reno of the Turks cut the woman off. "How do we know the money's actually goin' ta the kids, yo?" He asked, narrowing his eyes suspiciously at her.

"I can answer that." Reeve cleared his throat. "We are a registered charity and therefore I can forward you the appropriate documents if you wish to view them, Reno."

Reno cocked his head thoughtfully. "I'd wanna see 'em yo. People tend ta make promises an' no' keep 'em."

"I understand." Reeve smiled. "Although, may I ask what your interest in this is?"

Reno smiled, lifting both hands up in an open shrug. "I'm from the slums, yo. I know people down there. I gotta look after my own."

"Of course." Reeve nodded. "Perfectly understandable, I will ensure the documents are sent to you forthwith."

"Good." Reno seemed satisfied and the woman nodded.

"As I was saying; our aim is to improve the lives of orphans and poor children who live beneath the plates. This calender is only the first step in our plans. I would also like to thank everyone for showing up, we do appreciate that your time is valuable and sadly limited. Your participation is most welcome." She bowed briefly before straightening and continuing. "Now, we have assigned each of you a month," She started handing out papers. "We have designed appropriate scenes and props for our shoot and have assigned half hour segments for each of you. Read through the programme carefully and, please, if you have any questions feel free to ask. I will speak with the photographer." She walked away and everyone bent their heads to read the programme.

XXX

JANUARY:

Rufus stood in his silk underwear and looked at the scene that had been set out for him. It was classy and dignified, he had to admit he liked it. There was a white leather chaise lounge, a piece of white satin encrusted in sparkling diamontè's and a glass of bubbly champagne for him to drink. He stripped off his boxers, ignoring his audience and arranged himself in an elegant pose on the chaise lounge. The photographer awkwardly placed the white satin to cover his cock before handing him the fluted glass. Rufus ran a hand through his hair and locked eyes with the photographer who looked appropriately intimidated. He heard a low whistle and his eyes darted to Reno who was smirking in the shadows, a tiny smile tugged at his lips and a heated look crossed his face as the camera flashed. He had only agreed to do it because Reno had begged him and promised him a night of passion in exchange, in all honesty he couldn't have cared less about the children. It did serve to show the populace that ShinRa fully supported the charity, as his father had said when Rufus had proposed the idea that he partake in the shoot. It would endear ShinRa to the people, not that Rufus cared about that either; he only wanted to see Reno naked and writhing underneath him.

The photographer took several more photo's, occasionally he came over to adjust Rufus' position and sometimes the lights but finally they were done. Rufus stood up, put his pants back on and went to stand with the others. As he moved to stand beside Reno he heard a derisive snigger, he turned on his half-brother angrily. "What is your problem?" He snapped.

Lazard smiled. "Oh, nothing."

"You just laughed. You have an issue with me, out with it."

"I just thought how strange it is to see the Presidents spoiled, bratty son doing something for charity. Of course there would have to be diamonds and champagne. Nothing less would do than for you to show off in front of the world. You're so pathetic, it's rather sad."

Rufus gave him a hard, cruel smile. "At least father loved my mother. He just got rid of yours at the first opportunity. Bratty I may be, Lazard, but do not think for one second I am going to allow you to insult me and get away with it."

"Don't you dare bring my mother into this, Brat!"

Rufus snorted, folding his arms across his chest and glaring at Lazard heatedly. "Your mother was a whore, I will bring her up whenever I wish. Bastard."

"Father couldn't have felt that strongly for your mother, Rufus, seeing as he left her a while for mine."

Rufus' grey eyes flashed furiously. "She was a great woman, how dare you besmirch her memory with your words!"

"Oh come off it, Rufus, your mother was a fool if she didn't notice her husband straying."

Rufus stepped closer but Reno grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back, he leaned into him, resting one hand on the Vice President's hip. He leaned close, lips brushing Rufus' ear while his eyes remained locked on Lazard as if waiting for him to make a move. "Vice Pres, calm down." Reno whispered softly, his voice oddly soothing. Rufus unclenched his fists and took a deep breath. "He aint worth it, yo." Reno slid his hand around Rufus' waist and pulled him back again, drawing him further into the small group of Turks who closed ranks around him. "Hm. You looked good lyin' there surrounded by diamonds." Reno muttered into Rufus' ear, smirking as he nipped playfully at the lobe. "Maybe ya could dress up fancy for me sometime, huh?"

Rufus tore his gaze away from his half-brother and smiled at his lover. "Perhaps, pet." He cooed, running a hand down Reno's neck slowly. "We will have to see."

Reno grinned and Rufus allowed him to kiss him lightly before drawing away again.

FEBUARY:

Reno held up the red loin cloth doubtfully, arching an eyebrow at the woman who had given it to him. "Ya wan' me ta wear this, yo?" He asked.

"If you would." The woman said, shifting nervously.

Tseng sniggered, trying and failing to turn it into a cough. Reno shot him a glare but sighed heavily, a small flush staining his cheeks as he pulled down his boxers and began fitting himself into the loin cloth. "I's for the children, yo." Reno muttered as he turned to a full length mirror that had been set up for them to use. "I look like a fool."

Tseng lost it. He bent double, one hand covering his mouth and his eyes squeezed shut as he tried to stifle the giggles. "Oh...oh Reno...you...you look like a...a..." He couldn't finish his sentence and Veld grinned helplessly.

"Yeah, yeah. I look like an idiot, yo." Reno grumbled, picking up the bow and arrow set he had been given as well. He yanked the tie out of his hair and let it cascade around his shoulders. "Ah well, I got a nice ass, yo." He turned his back on the mirror and admired his ass. "Uh-huh. We're gunna make a killin'."

Rude smirked. "I didn't realise Valentines day cherubs were a fetish." He ran his hidden eyes over Reno's body. "I like the gold body glitter, it suits you."

"Shut your mouth, yo." Reno pushed Rude lightly in the shoulder as he followed the woman onto the set. The background was red with fluffy heart cushions, heart confetti and lots of gold shimmer. He sighed and waited for instruction on how he should pose. The photographer made him draw the bow and stand side-on to the camera but turned his upper body to face it. Reno held the pose while the camera clicked away until the man got him to try other poses. Finally his turn was over and he went to stand by Rude. Rufus was waiting for him, smiling deviously. "Say a word, yo, an' I'll no' let ya touch me for a week." Reno grumbled.

"Perhaps we can keep that loin cloth, that colour suits you." Rufus murmured into Reno's ear as he slid a hand down his back, making the red head shiver delightfully. "I will need to purchase some body glitter too, it seems."

"I'd get your sheets sparkly, yo." Reno replied a little breathlessly as Rufus' hand explored the round curve of his backside.

"It is an irritation I could overlook in your case."

"Tha's no' reassurin'." Reno let Rufus' lips brush his before pushing him away and smirking playfully. 

"I'm sure I could reassure you, cherub."

"Fuck you, yo." Reno shook his head and turned to watch the others get photographed.

March:

Angeal was dressed in a small apron that barely covered anything, he stood uncertainly before a table with lots of plants on, in one hand he held a trowel and wore gardening gloves. He was utterly naked beneath the apron and felt horribly exposed, he heard Genesis sniggering in delight but couldn't turn to glare at him. The camera man moved him so that his ass was on display and began snapping away.

"This is...disturbing." Zack muttered to Cloud from where they stood wearing fluffy dressing gowns. "It's like watching my dad...ugh..." He shivered and made a face as Cloud giggled.

"I think he looks uncomfortable." Cloud said.

"Yeah. He's not much of an exhibitionist but he's weak when it comes to trying to help people." 

Cloud smiled when he heard the respect in Zack's voice.

"He's got a nice body, I keep trying to tell him he needs to show it off more." Genesis sighed and heard Sephiroth chuckle.

"I believe he's not happy about exposing so much of himself."

"No but he has nothing to be ashamed of." Genesis shook his head slowly, leaning back against the wall as he watched Angeal's face slowly grow a brighter red as he was forced into more and more provocative poses. "Must be hard to look sexy wearing an apron and gardening gloves." Genesis mused and covered his mouth to stifle another laugh. Angeal's broad chest was now glistening with sweat from the heat of the lights, he lifted an arm and wiped some perspiration from his brow, ignoring the click of the camera and concentrating determinedly on the plants in front of him. He admired the gardenias and absently pulled off a few of the browner looking blossoms. One of the marigolds looked wilted so he picked up the green watering can by his side and fed it, carefully pruning a few sad looking leaves. He frowned a little, not happy with the terrible mistreatment of the plants. They were props, yes, but they were still living and needed to be tended properly. It wasn't nice to see such beauty so degraded. He bent over and made a noise of disgust as he noticed that even the cactus was brown, its spines falling off. 

"He seems to be getting into this." Sephiroth said, watching Angeal bend over so his bare ass was more prominent. "His fan club will buy out all the panty stocks in Midgar, having ruined their own." 

Genesis laughed loudly at that, causing Angeal to look over and blink at him bewilderment. Finally his turn was over and he gratefully went to put his uniform back on.

APRIL:

The set was a gym, there were weights on the floor, an image of one of the larger SOLDIER gyms on the screen and a set of lockers to one side. Zack stood butt naked before the camera, holding a towel in one hand as he waited for instructions. He felt eyes on him and turned to see Cloud watching him, Zack flashed him a grin full of perfect white teeth and got a small smile in reply. He was told to cover his crotch with the towel which he did and lifted an arm on impulse to run fingers through his hair. He stood at an angle to the camera and gave the camera man a sultry smirk over his shoulder. He had been sprayed with a light coating of oil that made his muscles stand out even better and make it look as if he had just come from a nice, hard work out. He winked and poked his tongue out at the camera, loving the attention. His eyelids lowered halfway and he smiled again, running his hand down his slick chest and parting his lips a little. The camera flashed and the camera man seemed excited to have a model who was so into it. 

Cloud watched with wide eyes, his own lips parted and his breathing a little heavy. Zack looked impossibly sexy. His cheeky smile, his firm, rippling muscles...Cloud swallowed hard and shifted awkwardly. He was glad he was dressed in a fluffy dressing gown and decided to invest in two of the calenders to view at his leisure.

"Who the hell taught him to act like that?" Angeal asked sharply, sending a glare at Genesis who widened his eyes in offence.

"I had nothing to do with this, Angeal!" 

"Yeah, right. You corrupted him. He's been spending too much time with you."

"Oh come on, I don't need to corrupt him. You need to learn to accept that your little Puppy is a natural flirt...an incredibly sexy flirt." He added, licking his lips at Zack as he moved through several poses. "Gods, his ass looks delicious." He breathed. "I am so glad I signed up for this."

"That is disgusting. He's a kid." Angeal muttered irritably.

"He's not a kid, Angeal." Genesis rolled his eyes. "He's eighteen, give him a break."

"Look at him though! He's acting like a-a...a whore!"

"He's acting like himself." Genesis replied, shrugging. "So, he's sexy and he knows it. You're too proper, Angeal. Lighten up and enjoy the show."

Angeal grumbled to himself, folding his arms across his chest as he frowned at Zack's erotic performance.

When Zack was finished he turned to Angeal and grinned before walking over to Cloud and pulling him into a greasy hug. "What did you think of that? Was I sexy?"

"It was...good..." Cloud managed as he disengaged himself from the hug in case Zack felt his erection through the dressing gown. "Go put some clothes on you're all oily and its disgusting." He said with a small smile.

"Ah, you love it, Spiky." He winked deviously and whistled as he went to get changed, completely unconcerned by his nakedness or the fact that the eyes of Reno and Genesis followed him.

MAY: 

Someone had scattered buckets of sand over the floor and it scratched at Rude's bare feet as he stood awkwardly in front of the small audience. He gripped the colourful beach ball in both hands and tried not to drop it. His sunglasses threatened to slide off his face due to the fact he was sweating badly, it was hot under the lights and he hated so many people watching. Rude had never been comfortable in the centre of attention and now he was naked with nothing but a beach ball covering his groin. He set his mouth in a hard line and glared at the photographer who sighed in irritation. "You're at a beach, you're supposed to be having fun you could at least look like you're enjoying yourself."

Reno's laughter made Rude shift slightly. He grunted and forced his face to relax, putting on a smile that made the photographer wince as if he was in pain. "Gods that's terrible. Ok, just look normal." Rude forced back the urge to lob the ball at the stupid man's head and let his face fall into a neutral expression. He knew this was a bad idea but Reno had a way of convincing him, his wheedling had finally broken his resolve and now he was here, making an utter fool of himself. For charity. He decided that the next time he saw a slum kid, he was going to punch them. 

Cloud cocked his head to the side as he stood beside Zack. "He's massive." He muttered and Zack snorted.

"Cock the size of an Elphadunk's." He replied, causing Cloud to giggle.

"If anyone let that up their ass they'd be in trouble. Probably need medical attention."

"Cure won't do much good, would it?" Zack grinned and Cloud nudged him in the ribs. "He'd probably rip you into two pieces." 

"That would really hurt."

The photographer muttered irritably as he tried to get Rude to change position, finally, however, he gave up. "Fine. You're done. I really don't think there's much to work with with you...despite your-ah-assets." His eyes flicked down to Rude's enormous cock before he cleared his throat and averted his gaze. "Next!"

Rude threw the beach ball directly into Reno's face before the red head could even speak a word, Reno fell back into the wall, covering his bleeding mouth with one hand. "Yo, what the hell man?!" He shouted.

"Don't ever make me do anything like this again." Rude grumbled, glaring at his partner.

"Alrigh' sorry, yo. You split my lip!" He looked down at the blood staining his hand. "Tha's no' fair."

Rude grunted before moving off to get dressed.

JUNE:

The whole room was silent as Cloud walked unsteadily over to the sky blue background, he looked at the cameraman who told him to remove his dressing gown and sit on his knees. Cloud did as he was asked and the props woman came over to cover him in bright yellow chocobo feathers. They covered his cock well but left the rest of him revealed. He looked up at the photographer, a light blush on his cheeks and his eyes wide. 

"Holy mother Gaia." Zack hissed, eyes glazed with lust as he stared intently at Cloud. He was sitting with his knees spread, the yellow feathers disguising his intimate parts. His chest was slim but evenly muscled, his hair dusted with feathers. "He's...I just...Gaia..." The background was a beautiful sky blue that reflected his eyes which shone brightly under the harsh lights. Zack's cock stood hard in his constricting pants and he had to shift his position several times, he couldn't look away.

"Oh man...that's hot." Reno muttered, licking his lips greedily as he eyed Cloud with intense interest. 

"Adorable." Rude muttered and made the other Turks give him surprised looks. Rude shifted. "I mean he's cute...like a kitten or baby chocobo. I'm not gay." He added and made Reno snort. "Shut up."

Reno moaned as Cloud moved into different positions. "Fuck. I'm gunna need a wank after this." He breathed.

"It is a little warm in here." Tseng muttered, tugging at his shirt collar and surprising his underlings. "What?" He raised an eyebrow. "I'm human too." 

"Sure thing, boss." Reno grinned.

"He is a rather beautiful specimen." Rufus agreed quietly, causing Reno to look at him with wide eyes. "I would ask him to join us in our bed if I thought he would agree."

Reno uttered a strange, choked noise as he imagined having a threesome with Rufus and Cloud. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I'm really gunna need ta take a bathroom break if this keeps up, yo."

Cloud's eye lids lowered, a tiny smirk curling his lips as he listened to the soft whispers around him. He knew what he looked like, he knew the affect he could have on people. He looked innocent but he was far from it. He forced his expression back into one of blank naivety, remembering himself just as the camera flashed. He put one hand beneath the feathers, the heat from the lights making his face warm and giving the impression of a blush. He looked down in feigned shyness and heard a sharp intake of breath, he risked looking up through his eyelashes to see Sephiroth standing rigid behind the photographer. The General's eyes were wide as they bore into Cloud, his hands clenched tightly into fists at his sides. A chill raced down his spine and Cloud swallowed and looked away, his eyes moved to Zack who was gazing at him in a way he never had before. His eyes were heavily lidded, his lips parted and Cloud could almost feel his arousal. He smiled brightly at his friend who's lips lifted in return. Oh yes, Cloud knew exactly what he was doing. He returned his attention back to the camera and cocked his head to the side, causing feathers to fall from his hair and drift down into his lap. 

Genesis hissed air through his teeth. "This is far better than I ever anticipated." He whispered as Cloud leaned back on one hand, looking at the camera and licking his lips. "By the Goddess, I'm going to come in my pants if he keeps this up." He imagined having the boy spread out on his bed, legs parted, blush on his cheeks and eyes dark with desire. He had to reach down and adjust his erection.

"Genesis, he's a kid!" Angeal said in horror.

"Is he? That look on his face says differently." Genesis nodded at Cloud as he smiled over at Zack. "He's got the hots for your puppy."

"That's..." Angeal trailed off as he saw Zack's face. "...Zack." He groaned, lifting a hand to his face and sliding it over his eyes. "This was a terrible idea, Genesis."

"It was a brilliant idea." Genesis smirked.

"I want him." Both men turned to see Sephiroth gazing at the boy intently, his eyes locked onto Cloud's bare chest. "He is beautiful."

"Sephiroth." Angeal shook his head. "Not you too."

Sephiroth turned slowly and blinked at him. "I have appetites that must be satisfied." He said with a shrug. "You cannot deny that the boy is talented."

"He's pretty but not my type. I prefer breasts, as you damn well know." Angeal shook his head. "He's also not as innocent as he's pretending, can't you see that look in his eyes? That boy knows exactly what he's doing and the effect he's got on everyone here." He lifted a hand to indicate Cloud and then swept it over the room in general. Everyone was watching Cloud with hunger. "If he's not careful he's going to end up forced into some sort of orgy."

"Orgy?" Zack's rough voice made Angeal blink and turn on his eager student. "With who? Cloud? Can I join in?" He grinned broadly.

"Mm. Yes I could agree to an orgy with that little twink." Genesis hummed, smiling at Zack's glowing expression.

"You lot are disgusting. I'm disappointed in you Zack." Angeal snapped sternly.

"What have I done? Cloud's had orgy's before! He lives in the barracks, he's not a blushing virgin."

Angeal's eyes widened as he turned in surprise to look at the boy who was having the longest session yet as the photographer got ever more excited. "What?!"

"Yeah, man. He's a deviant." Zack rubbed the back of his neck, gazing at his friend with strangely dark eyes.

"This was a terrible idea. I regret agreeing to this." Angeal sighed and shook his head. "There's no hope for any of you is there?"

"Would he agree if I propositioned him?" Sephiroth asked suddenly, obviously not having listened to the conversation at all.

"Oh yeah, he would." Zack nodded fervently. "He's got the biggest crush on you, sir."

Sephiroth smiled in a way that made Angeal want to smack his head into a wall. He was surrounded by a bunch of horny, uncontrollable animals.

JULY:

Tseng slowly unwrapped his towel as he moved so that he was lying in the pool filled with steaming water. The scene was supposed to resemble a hot springs, the water was warm but not hot enough to really make him relax. He sighed and pursed his lips, his eyes moving to the photographer as he adjusted things to his liking. Tseng rarely let his hair down but now it cascaded over his shoulders like a heavy black mantle, he saw Reno eyeing him appreciatively and smiled to himself. He was thin but his muscles were hard, he worked out every day and was in peak condition. Not many people knew he spent a lot of time practising hand to hand martial arts as well as shooting. A black belt in Judo, Karate and a multitude of other combat styles he was incredibly fit and lean. Even his fellow Turks seemed surprised but impressed by what they saw, he had to admit it inflated his ego a little to see the awe on their faces. He looked over to see Zack arching an eyebrow curiously. Tseng had rather enjoyed admiring Zack's firm rear and so smiled in return to the SOLDIER's expression. He had agreed to come along, originally, just to observe but Reno had convinced him to take part and he was now enjoying himself immensely. He leaned back in the shallow tub filled with enough water to cover his cock, he let his hair slide over his shoulders and pool against the fake rocks at his back. Slowly he stretched both arms out to either side of himself and gazed up at the photographer who clicked away rapidly, muttering to himself. 

"Tseng's go' an impressive body, yo." Reno said in surprise.

"Hm." Rufus agreed, eyeing the Turk as he leaned back to expose his chest to full advantage. "I admit I never saw him in that way before but now..." He trailed off and arched an eyebrow at Reno who grinned.

"Ya wan' me an' the boss together? Man, that'd be hot, yo."

"I would like to watch." Rufus mused, imagining how Reno's red hair and Tseng's black would mingle on his white satin sheets. "Yes. It would be beautiful to see."

"A little weird, yo. He's my boss." Reno shrugged. "Bu' I wouldn' say no."

"Good." Rufus' eyes lit up in excitement at all these new and fascinating possibilities.

"I swear I'm the only straight Turk in our department." Veld sighed, shaking his head slowly. "Even the girls fool around with each other."

"Sir." Rude reminded him of his presence.

"You just called that infantry soldier 'adorable'..." Veld reminded him, making Rude blush and smiling in amusement.

"I meant he was cute in a-oh never mind, sir." Rude fell silent and glared at Tseng as he stepped out of the shallow pool and wrapped a towel back around his waist.

August:

"Naked Lazard on my birthday." Cloud muttered to Zack as they stood in the dim shadows and watched Lazard sitting on top of a desk with papers in his lap, covering his groin. "Yay." He said sarcastically.

Zack snorted and Angeal sent him a disproving glare. "He's all right, Cloud. A little mean sometimes but ok in general."

"But I have to look at that," Cloud waved a hand in Lazard's direction. "For a whole month and on my birthday...I can think of far better things to be looking at." His eyes darted to Zack and he smirked playfully before looking away again.

Zack slid an arm around Cloud's waist and pulled him to his side. "You can just use my pic, cut it out and stick it to August." He whispered in his ear. "I know you liked it."

Cloud uttered a low moan as Zack's hand slid down his back to squeeze his ass. He looked up at his friend, scanning him intently before grabbing Zack's wrist and tugging him towards the door. "Let's get some air for a minute...it's getting kinda hot in here." He breathed heavily and Zack's eyes lit up in excitement. 

"Fuck Cloud...yeah...let's go." he twisted his hand until he was holding Cloud's wrist before pulling him towards a small cupboard, large enough only for two of them.

Cloud frowned. "Don't you want to go somewhere a little more...private?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

Zack sniggered, looking up to see several people watching them. "No. We'll do it here. Come on." He opened the door and caused more eyes to land on them as he pushed Cloud inside, squeezing his ass as he did so. He looked over his shoulder at Angeal's horrified look and poked his tongue out at him. 

"Zack an' Cloud are gettin' it on, yo." Reno hissed, grabbing Rude's sleeve and tugging excitedly. 

"I don't care." Rude replied, shrugging his partner off and giving him an irritated frown.

Rufus turned and saw the SOLDIER push the infantryman into the cupboard, looking over at them and grinning as he squeezed Cloud's ass obviously. Reno shifted from one foot to the other before he began inching towards the cupboard as the door closed. "I gotta hear this, man." He muttered. Rufus smirked and watched Reno edge closer to the cupboard until he was stood by the side of the door like a guard, he leaned close and frowned as he listened to what was happening within. 

Lazard saw the movement out of the corner of his eye as he pretended to read the papers in his lap. He pushed his glasses further up onto his nose and heard mutterings through the room. He looked up in irritation to see that even the camera man had left his post and was gathered with some others around a cupboard door. "What the hell is going on?" Lazard frowned as he saw his half-brother there, his chest pressed against his pet Turks back as they leaned against the door and listened. 

"Ah...f-fuck Cloud..." Zack groaned as Cloud sat on his knees before him, his cock shoved deep down his throat. "They're listening..." He muttered, pushing one hand into Cloud's fluffy hair and tugging the unruly spikes as he watched Cloud suck him off. He was perched on one of the tables that had graced the centre of the conference room, his legs apart, his trousers dangling off of one foot. He could hear soft mutters outside the door and grinned down at his friend. Cloud was flushed and seemed to be getting off on the fact that they were being listened to, his moans were slowly growing louder as Zack thrust into his mouth. "Yeah, that's right...suck me harder, bitch!" Zack cried loudly, throwing his head back and forcing Cloud to pull away and laugh loudly.

"Fucking hell Zack, way to kill the mood!" Cloud giggled and wiped his lips on the back of his hand, his eyelids lowered seductively as he got to his feet and leaned in to press a gentle kiss to Zack's lips. His tongue slid out from between his own lips and he teased Zack's mouth with his own. Whenever Zack tried to deepen the kiss Cloud drew away, running his tongue slowly over Zack's mouth and forcing a strange, stuttered sigh from him. Finally Cloud opened his mouth and let Zack's tongue join his. Zack groaned and wrapped his arms around him, he slid off of the table and turned Cloud around, pushing him against the table instead. He shoved a hand down Cloud's trousers and ran his fingers up his straining erection. Cloud shivered in his arms and Zack held him closer, he whispered Cloud's name into his mouth and unzipped his fly, pulling his trousers down to his ankles.

Reno shuddered, eyelids lowering as he heard soft grunts and groans coming from the cupboard. No one was paying attention to Lazard who seemed pretty pissed that everyone's attention was now on Zack and Cloud. 

"F-Fuck Zack...harder...uhn...yeah..."

"Man, Cloud sounds hot." Reno groaned, feeling Rufus pressing against his back.

"He has a lovely voice." Rufus murmured into Reno's ear, sending hot breath over his neck and smirking a little as his Turk shivered.

"Yo, Tseng, are there cameras in there?" Reno asked suddenly, turning his eyes to Tseng who was also listening intently. 

Tseng blinked at him blearily. "Hm? Yes, I believe so..." He trailed off and his eyelids lowered, a devious smirk crossed his face. "We shall have to review the footage for...security reasons." He said slowly, voice a little thick as Cloud made a low sound that sent heat straight into his cock.

"I can' handle this, yo. I'm gunna fuckin' come in my pants." Reno hissed, sliding a hand down to his erection and squeezing it through his trousers. Rufus hummed in agreement as he reached out and gripped Reno's wrist.

"Not yet, Reno." He whispered, nipping at Reno's ear and making him groan. "Have patience."

"Fuck. I aint go' none o' tha'."

Rufus chuckled. "I noticed."

"Shit Cloud...you're so fucking good..."

"Zack sounds amazing." Genesis hummed, leaning over Tseng's back to listen in too. Angeal glared at them from his position near the set. He had no desire to listen to his student shagging. Lazard was stood at his side, now wearing underwear and looking a little peeved.

Cloud gave a loud cry and everyone sucked in a sharp breath as Zack muttered something incomprehensible. Reno licked his lips, eyelids lowering and breathing heavily as Rufus continued to restrain his hand. He had never been so horny in his life and it was driving him nuts. 

"Zack...Zack...More...Zack, gods, please I-I c-can't..."

"Shh...Just come for me, Cloud."

Reno moaned and closed his eyes, his gut twisting violently as he shuddered in Rufus' grip. He felt the Vice President pushing his own erection against his backside and felt the first ripples of an orgasm spreading through his taught body. "Oh...Oh fuck..." His eyes widened as he grit his teeth, desperate to control himself. He had never just come without some sort of physical stimulation before but the combination of the two men in the cupboard moaning and Rufus' small, regular thrusts against his ass was actually pushing him over the edge. Rufus' hand tightened on his wrist and he heard his sharp intake of breath as Reno suddenly tensed, he pushed his hips into his hand which was frozen by Rufus' grip millimetres away from his cock and groaned heavily as he felt it twitch beneath his fingers. Wetness spread through his underwear and into his trousers as he shuddered through his orgasm, Rufus' hands covering his and his heavy breathing loud in his ear.

Cloud had his legs wrapped firmly around Zack's waist, his back against the table as he gripped Zack's hair tightly in both fists. He buried his face in Zack's throat and panted as his cock spurted hot, sticky fluid over their stomachs. He could feel Zack filling him with his come and it sent shock waves through his body so intense he felt he could have blacked out. It had been fast and hard but Cloud didn't care, he was just glad to release some of the tension that had been plaguing him since hearing Sephiroth speak his name. Slowly he untangled his hands from Zack's hair and let out a slow, heavy sigh as Zack straightened and looked down at him with a lazy smile. "Hey, you all right?" He whispered, running a gentle hand through Cloud's hair affectionately.

"Gods yes." Cloud replied, grinning. "That was the best sex I've had in a long time."

"Mm. Tell me about it." Zack replied heavily, leaning down to capture Cloud's lips in a deep, probing kiss. When he drew away he straightened and gently pulled out of Cloud's body, watching in concern as he winced. "Did I hurt you?"

"No...I just ache. But it's a good ache." He assured him.

"Good. I gotta be careful, I'm enhanced and you're not...I could do some damage without realising."

Cloud shook his head, making his sweaty hair fall into his eyes. "I like it." He whispered and licked his lips slowly, making Zack groan again.

"You'll make me hard again if you carry on like that."

"Sorry." Cloud giggled and sat still while Zack dressed himself. "You reckon they got off listening to us?" He asked, smirking deviously.

"Yeah. No doubt. We're pretty fucking hot together, Cloudy." He winked and they laughed before Cloud slid off the table and began getting dressed again.

Sephiroth backed up a step and bumped into Genesis who stumbled and nearly fell as the door of the cupboard opened to reveal Cloud and Zack looking sexily ruffled. The photographer was pink in the face and he cleared his throat, lifting his camera and sneakily snapping a picture of the two of them together. He then slipped away and returned to his tripod. Sephiroth's eyes raked Cloud, noting the sweat drying on his hair, the way his uniform was hung a little loosely on him as it was untucked and unzipped half way down his chest. Zack ran fingers through his hair, trying to tame it as he dragged Cloud to his side and smiled at Genesis. 

"You two need to learn some control." Angeal said as he glared sternly at Zack and Cloud. "This is indecent behaviour and could have you both reprimanded."

"Sorry sir." Cloud muttered, although he didn't look all that sorry as he ran a hand down Zack's back and pinched his ass before walking away looking satisfied.

Zack watched him go, smiling a little stupidly and Angeal shook his head with a deep sigh. "Wipe that idiotic look off your face young man. You do realise he manipulated everyone in this room, don't you?"

Zack blinked at his mentor and grinned. "Yeah, man. 'Course I do. He's a little demon."

"You knew?" Angeal's eyes widened. "And yet you still shagged him?"

"I'm not gunna turn that down." Zack waved a hand at Cloud who was now surrounded by Genesis, Sephiroth, Reno and Rufus. Cloud was looking very pleased with himself as the men flirted shamelessly with him. "He's got some moves, Angeal. His tongue...man..." Zack shook his head with a small smile.

"I don't think I will ever understand you." Angeal sighed.

SEPTEMBER:

Angeal cringed a little as Genesis stripped off his underwear in one fluid movement, he strode naked and confident towards the red leather chaise lounge draped in cloth in rich autumnal shades. He settled himself down on the seat, lounging back and covered his cock with his well worn copy of LOVELESS. He winked at Angeal who shook his head and folded his arms across his chest. He lifted a hand and pushed his fingers into his hair and threw his head back dramatically, one arm dangling elegantly over the side of the seat, fingers brushing the floor. The camera man wolf whistled appreciatively and began snapping away with his camera. 

Sephiroth sighed, pulling out his PHS from his pocket and checking some messages. He had seen enough of Genesis' body to last him a life time, the man rarely wore clothes. He remembered the one time they had had a drunken fling, or attempted to, but it had turned into a vicious fight for dominance that had ended up with both of them in the medical ward surrounded by confused doctors as they had wounds in places that one did not normally display to the public. It had been a disaster and so they had not attempted it again. They clashed far too much to ever have any chance of having sex together and they were happy to leave it that way after that last disastrous experiment. Sephiroth remembered Hojo's anger clearly and smirked to himself, Hojo hated the fact that he had befriended Angeal and Genesis and the fact that he didn't find women attractive. Hojo had spent a good long time muttering about how he had wanted to 'breed' Sephiroth, which was a really weird thing to say but Hojo was weird so Sephiroth had ignored it, only to discover later that he was incapable of producing biological children anyway so it was all moot. Not that he cared, he disliked children on principle. 

"Genesis' fanclub have already begun to place orders for the calender." Sephiroth observed and showed Angeal the 'Red Leather' website on his phone. 

"Well at least some good will come out of this." Angeal muttered, sending another glare over at his student who was groping Cloud in a corner and watching Genesis model at the same time. "When did Zack become such a degenerate?" He sighed sadly.

Sephiroth looked up, seeing Zack's hand cupping Cloud's ass. "He's a big boy, Angeal. He's not a child." He returned his attention to his phone and lifted a hand to sweep hair from his eyes.

"I know but I never taught him to be so...so..." Angeal struggled with the right words for a moment before shrugging and giving up. "So like Genesis." He sighed.

Sephiroth smirked over at Angeal. "Zack Fair has always been a horrible flirt, Angeal. The only difference is is that he's doing it in front of you and you're actually noticing. You are not his father."

"I hope he's being sensible about his sexual escapades." Angeal muttered darkly. "I wouldn't want him to end up in the medical wing because of some disease or infection."

Sephiroth blinked at him slowly, lowering his phone. "Angeal, he's SOLDIER." He said.

"And?" Angeal looked at him in confusion.

"The Mako SOLDIER are showered in destroys disease and infections, it boosts the immune system so the enhanced person doesn't get sick. He can't contract anything."

"How do you know that?" Angeal asked in surprise.

"Hojo." Sephiroth mumbled, returning his attention to Genesis who was now holding a dumbapple out to the camera like he was in some stupid play. "He explained it to me when I became sexually active."

"That's news to me." Angeal blinked over at Zack and sighed again. "Well, I guess this means my protests are pointless."

"Yes." Sephiroth turned his attention to Cloud again, remembering the sounds he had made while locked in the closet. He wondered how he could best approach him. "Cloud is a truly attractive boy." He said quietly. 

"Yeah, apparently so." Angeal frowned.

"You two weren't even paying attention!" Genesis snapped as he strode angrily over to his friends and put his hands on his hips. He was still naked. 

"Damn it, Genesis! Put some clothes on!" Angeal gasped in shock. "I do not want to see your cock."

Genesis looked down at himself and shrugged. "Everyone wants to see my cock." He said but his frown soon returned. "I was putting on a great show and everything but my best friends weren't even watching!" He snapped.

Sephiroth rolled his eyes. "I've seen it all before, Genesis. It's not that exciting."

"What?!"

"Genesis, you walk around naked the second you get back to your apartment, whether we're with you or not." Angeal sighed. "Seriously, go put some clothes on!"

"No." Genesis folded his arms over his chest and glared petulantly at Angeal. "I am proud of my body and will not hide it to appease your ridiculous sense of propriety."

"Here he goes again." Sephiroth sighed, still gazing at Cloud as he was laughing at Zack and Reno who seemed to be competing for his attention. It was like watching two dogs battle over a bitch in heat, Sephiroth smirked at the comparison.

"What does that mean?!" Genesis snapped.

Sephiroth turned his eyes to his friend, his face expressionless. "It means that we've heard this speech a thousand times, almost as often as he we hear that absurd poem of yours."

"Ugh! You two are so infuriating! I deserve better friends!" Genesis turned on his heel and stalked off, grabbing up his uniform as he went. "I hope your cocks fall off!" He shouted back at them and Angeal and Sephiroth laughed.

 

OCTOBER:

"I have a set in mind for my shoot...would you mind allowing me to arrange my own?" Veld asked the props woman who shrugged.

"As long as its not too pornographic then yes, you're welcome to." 

"Thank you." Veld turned to the box of props and began to rummage, he found some things he could use and went to the set to arrange it.

Reno watched his Director curiously. "Wha's 'e doin', yo?" He asked Tseng.

"I'm not sure." Tseng replied. He spotted a swathe of crimson cloth, lots of strange horror-style masks and frowned a little, he vaguely remembered hearing Veld talk of someone he had once known. A man who, from what Veld had said, was really into horror films, the more bloodthirsty the better. "Is he dedicating this in honour of his old partner?" He wondered aloud.

"Who was tha'?" Reno asked, burning with curiosity.

"His name was Vincent Valentine, he worked with Veld for years until one day on a mission in Nibelheim he disappeared. No one really knows what happened to him and I cannot find any records that he even existed except Veld's own accounts of him." He looked to Reno who had his head cocked to one side.

"Weird, yo."

"Hm. He disappeared twenty years ago."

"Wha's with all the horror stuff?"

"According to Veld, Vincent was obsessed with horror and the supernatural." Tseng smiled. "He would sit for hours watching movie after movie or reading books on the subject."

"Do ya know wha' he looked like?" Reno was watching Veld intently, he had little knowledge about him considering he had worked for him for years. The man was a total enigma.

"Wutaiian man, short black hair, red eyes. Tall too." Tseng said. "He was a master marksman, Veld thinks only I have ever come close to matching Vincent's skill. He also said that Vincent was an incredibly cold man, not many people got along with him."

"Wow. This is cool, yo. I never knew any of this." Reno smiled. "Were they close then?"

"So I would assume." Tseng shrugged. "I did some digging of my own and discovered that Vincent was the son of a ShinRa scientist named Grimoire Valentine."

"I know tha' name, yo." Reno frowned, racking his memory. "Didn' he work with some chick called Lucretia Crescent?" Reno dropped his voice and leaned closer to Tseng, he glanced around, ensuring no one was within hearing distance. "They worked on some kinda project together abou' weapons?"

"Yes." Tseng replied, barely moving his lips. "She came up with the theory of Chaos and Omega. I have read some of her work, it was quite fascinating but it was ridiculed by the others and was never officially published."

"Hm. Interestin', yo. Seems like everyone's connected to everyone else in some way."

"Indeed."

NOVEMBER:

Once again the room was silent as Sephiroth took his place. He was in an angled seat made of dark leather, he lifted one leg, hiding his intimate parts and spread his arms out over the sides of the seat. His long silver hair was swept over one shoulder, on his head was an old fashioned military cap and draped around his shoulders was his long, iconic leather coat. His chest was turned towards the camera, the position was uncomfortable but he could hold it. The cameraman swallowed as he looked through the view finder and Sephiroth gazed at him imperiously. 

All eyes were glued to him, it was as if he held everyone in a spell. Cloud watched intently as Sephiroth shifted a little, strands of silver hair catching the light and seeming to sparkle. When Sephiroth had sat down Cloud had seen his huge cock dangling between his thighs. It was impressive and he wondered if he could take it all. A soft groan escaped his lips and he heard Zack chuckle as he slid a hand around his waist and held him close, his back pressed against Zack's broad chest. "He's beautiful." Cloud sighed.

"Hm. Not as pretty as you." Zack replied.

"I said 'beautiful', not 'pretty'. There's a difference." Cloud corrected him as Sephiroth turned green eyes to him. They stared at each other for so long Cloud was worried he was going to make a fool of himself by collapsing or something. He felt Zack's lips on his neck and sighed, his eyelids lowering as he watched Sephiroth be photographed. "Do you think he'd be interested in me?" He asked as Zack held him tightly, a little possessively.

"He's already said so." Zack replied, humming as he ran his tongue slowly up Cloud's jaw.

"Mmm...Would he let you join us?" Cloud whispered, tipping his head to give Zack easier access to his throat. He could feel his cock slowly getting harder as thoughts of having both Zack and Sephiroth filled his mind with filth. 

"I don't know." Zack paused in his ministrations, he was glad that Cloud wanted him still, despite his infatuation with Sephiroth. 

"I should ask him." Cloud turned his head and looked back at Zack. "You wouldn't mind?"

Zack shook his head. "He's pretty damned hot." He replied.

"Good." Cloud returned his eyes back to Sephiroth who was watching them intently, as if he could hear what they were whispering to each other. A small smile curled the general's lips. Cloud shivered in Zack's arms. "Yeah, I'd like to have you both. I don't want to choose one over the other."

"Fuck Cloud, what the hell are you doing to me?" Zack hissed, pressing his rapidly growing erection against Cloud's backside and making him laugh softly. "I'm hard again."

"Good. We're going to be very busy over the weekend."

Zack could only groan in response to that.

Sephiroth watched as Zack's hands slid down Cloud's chest to grip his cock over his trousers, he smirked to himself imagining what it would be like to have them both at his mercy. They looked good together, like they fit perfectly. He spared a brief moment of pity for Angeal when he considered his anger when he found out Sephiroth had fucked his little puppy senseless but then dismissed it. Zack was an adult, he could choose who he shared his bed with. His smile broadened as Cloud tipped his head back against Zack's shoulder, eyes glued to Sephiroth's body as Zack touched him intimately. Sephiroth felt his own body reacting and had to tear his gaze away momentarily while he calmed himself, it wouldn't do for any of the others in the room to see him with a hard on. Although it would amuse him to see Angeal's disgust, especially when he found out it was thoughts of Zack's sweet, tight ass that was causing it. He licked his lips slowly as the cameraman clicked away, causing lights to flash. 

Genesis was still moping in a corner as he observed his friend, he pouted as his eyes followed Sephiroth's gaze. Genesis' lips parted and he glanced back at Sephiroth before he laughed softly to himself, Angeal would hit the roof if he knew Sephiroth was getting hard by watching Cloud and Zack together. He had to agree that they were hot together, he entertained a few fantasies of his own in that department. Zack was so muscular and that smile was simultaneously cute and sexy, he would be an excellent notch in his bedpost. Cloud was cute and looked as if he was an innocent little virgin but Genesis was fully aware that he was not. He smirked to himself as Zack ran his hands over Cloud's body, no one seemed to know the person who had taught Cloud everything he knew. They had kept their little encounter a secret, Genesis' position in the army meant that sexual relations with infantrymen were frowned upon and Cloud had no wish for any of his barracks mates to find out. So they pretended it had never happened, ignoring each other most of the time and convincing everyone that the person Genesis had had in his bedroom that night was merely a random stranger. Not even Zack was aware.


	22. Genesis Pisses Angeal Off And Gets A Taste Of His Own Medicine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just Genesis being a bitch.

By Kimmimaru

"So, what are you going to call it?" Genesis looked at the boy sitting on the couch, gazing around the apartment with burning excitement.

"What are you talking about, Genesis?" Angeal asked as he busied himself clearing away dinner.

"That thing on your sofa. What are you going to call it?"

Angeal looked at the boy and back to Genesis with a frown. "His name is Zack."

"Zack? Hm. I would have called it something cuter like..." He considered a moment before smirking. "Mittens."

"Mittens?" Angeal's frown darkened. "That's a cats name."

"Hm. Yes I suppose. Then how about Rover?"

"Genesis, he's a kid, not an animal." Angeal shook his head and loaded his arms up with plates, he walked to the kitchen. "Do you want a beer or are you just going to stand there and insult my new pupil?"

"A beer would be nice." Genesis replied with a smirk. "Does he do tricks?"

"Genesis!"

"Sorry." Genesis looked at the boy who beamed at him, swinging his legs back and forth on the couch. "Do you come on command?" He asked abruptly, watching the boys face morph into an expression of confusion.

"What?"

"Angeal? Your new dog's a bit stupid, isn't he?" He called and swept hair from his eyes. "He doesn't even come on command!"

"By Shiva, Genesis! He's a human being! Stop being gross!"

"Uh...my name's Zack. Zack Fair." The boy held up a hand and Genesis smiled.

"Oh! He shakes! Who's a good boy? Yes you are! Do you want a tummy rub?" He patted Zack's spiky hair and watched him look at him with wide, confused eyes.

"I don't-"

Angeal reappeared and grabbed Genesis by the scruff of his neck, he hoisted him into the air with one arm and went to the door. "Bad dog! You're sleeping outside! Stop bullying the new puppy or I'll have you put down!" He threw Genesis out of their shared apartment and into the hall, he landed on his ass looking dishevelled and shocked. Angeal grinned broadly, folding his arms over his chest as he looked down at Genesis. "Shall I chain you up or are you going to play nice?" 

"I hate you." Genesis grumbled, standing up and rubbing his backside.

"Go harass Sephiroth." Angeal muttered, shaking his head as he turned away. "I'm sure you can get him to pet you." He turned and closed the door behind him.


	23. A Much, Much Darker Version To What Happened In AC When Kadaj Kidnaps Rufus And Beats Up Reno And Rude. (I'm sorry, I'm sick and twisted, what can I say?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader discretion is advised as this story contains scenes of rape. Please note that neither authors condone such things, this is fiction and not meant to be representative of reality. If anything like this disturbs you you may wish to skip this story.

By Kimmimaru

"Where is mother?!" 

Reno felt his arm yanked roughly up his back as he was turned and shoved front first into a wall. He grunted and heard Rude groaning behind him on the floor. His muscles strained and he winced, baring his teeth as Kadaj pulled on his wrist harder. "F-Fuck off, yo!" He cried out and Kadaj made a violent sound of frustration. Reno felt a hand slide around his stomach, fingers inching down towards the top of his pants. 

"Where is mother?" Kadaj purred into his ear as his fingers crept lower, he smirked into Reno's bright red hair as he struggled.

"Yo, she aint stuffed down my pants!" Reno exclaimed, throwing himself backwards in the hopes of overbalancing the creepy remnant. However, Kadaj was prepared for the move, he stuck his leg between Reno's thighs and shoved him harder against the wall. 

"Well, if you just told me where she is I wouldn't be forced to do a full body search now, would I?" He whispered, running his tongue slowly up the side of Reno's neck.

"Get off o' me ya fuckin' sicko!" Reno growled, struggling as violently as he could but Kadaj was just too strong. He wasn't human. He couldn't be.

"Kadaj, leave him. We can talk-" Rufus began but was cut off by a sharp gasp from Reno as Kadaj grabbed a handful of his hair and slammed his face into the plaster before he turned furious green eyes on him.

"What, you don't want to watch as I ruin this mouthy one?" He smirked and laughed softly. "I've had enough talk, President. Now I want to play."

Rufus tried to struggle to his feet but agony flared through his body and he fell back into his wheel chair, silently cursing his weakness. "Kadaj, let's discuss this like rational people. I'm sure we could come to some kind of conclusion that will suit us both."

"I only want to know what you did with mother." Kadaj replied, returning his attention to Reno and sliding his hand into the Turks pants. 

"No." Reno hissed and jerked his body again, agony flared in his shoulder and he cried out as it was nearly ripped out of its socket. "Fuck!"

"Leave him alone!" Rufus hissed, making another attempt to get out of his chair. "You have done enough."

Kadaj cocked his head to the side as if in thought before chuckling softly, running his fingers slowly over Reno's cock and feeling him shudder. "I don't think I have, Mr. President. You seem oddly protective of this one..." He looked back at Rufus whose face was hidden behind his white cowl but he saw the hard line of his mouth and the pale tinge to his skin. "Hmm...is he yours? Have you fucked this lovely ass yourself?"

Rufus' fingers clenched on the arm rest of his wheel chair. He was stuck, helpless and it infuriated him almost beyond reason. Kadaj had his hands all over his toy, this was not how things should be going. Rufus was losing control and he hated it. "Perhaps, Kadaj, if you release him I may give you some information."

"The only thing I want from you is mother's location." Kadaj hissed in reply, wrapping fingers around Reno's cock and stroking it slowly. Reno bit into his bottom lip and closed his eyes, his arm throbbed as Kadaj yanked it again forcing a grunt from his lips. He felt the hard length of Kadaj's erection pressing against his backside. "If I do not get it I will fuck this pet of yours until he's bloody and screaming, do you get me, Mr. President?" Kadaj gave Rufus a pretty smile over his shoulder.

"Pres..." Reno managed to hiss through his gritted teeth. "Le' 'im have me." He gasped.

"Reno..."

"No, listen...we...ah!" Reno's arm made a horrible popping noise and sent a jolt of pure agony through him as Kadaj giggled into his ear and pushed his legs apart. He had a scary moment where he wondered if he was going to pass out from the pain but slowly his blurred vision returned and he blinked rapidly. "Pres, we...we don'...give in ta...demands. Tseng...an' Elena...they din't give anythin' away, yo...jus'...jus' le' 'im..."

Kadaj hissed and jerked Reno away from the wall, he threw him on the floor and pinned him there. "Shut up, Turk!" 

Reno lashed out with his uninjured arm, catching Kadaj in the jaw with his fist. Kadaj fell back with a growl and Reno scrambled to his feet. He stood there, shaking a little with pain and clutched his EMR in his fist as he crouched. Waiting for Kadaj's next move. Reno spat blood from his mouth to the floor and wiped his lips on his sleeve, he had bitten his tongue when he had had his face crushed into the wall. He took a breath and narrowed his eyes. Kadaj smiled and moved, but not towards Reno. He moved so fast Reno barely had time to register what was happening, one minute Kadaj was in front of him, the next he was standing over Rufus with his sword at his throat. Reno swallowed, eyeing the scene warily.

"Try that again, Turk and I'll fuck your president and then cut his throat out." Kadaj smiled as Reno froze. "Good boy. Now, put down your weapon." Reno glanced at Rufus who appeared perfectly calm, Reno saw his hand move and knew it was the signal to disarm himself. He took a breath and unstrapped his EMR, it fell to the floor with a clatter. Kadaj backed away from Rufus and Reno felt relief wash over him, it was bad enough being groped by the little shit himself, he refused to allow Kadaj to put his filthy hands over Rufus. "On your knees and put your hands behind your back." Kadaj ordered, eyes glowing brightly as he watched Reno obey, the hate in his eyes making them burn. Kadaj giggled and walked smoothly over to Reno, he knelt at his side and yanked his belt through the loops of his trousers. Reno's arm sent agonising jolts of pain through his body, forcing him to bite down on his lip. He used it to bind his hands and then grabbed a handful of his pony tail and shoved his face roughly into the floor. "Now, Mr. President. Perhaps we can come to an arrangement. I'll leave your dog alone if you just tell me where you hid mother."

Reno cursed and struggled but Kadaj's hand tightened on his hair and he got a good taste of the floor. Rufus said nothing so Kadaj sighed and shoved a hand down the back of Reno's trousers, he tensed as a long finger pushed its way inside his body. Reno squeezed his eyes shut tightly, the pain was awful. Rufus roughed him up quite a bit when they fucked but Reno was always willing, now was totally different. The remnant's touch was like poison. Another finger joined the first, pushing right in up to the knuckle, Reno jerked and hissed air through his bared teeth. His face felt hot and his body was ice cold, as if he had a fever. Kadaj's eyes never left Rufus, after a while he frowned. "Don't you care?" He asked, cocking his head to the side as his fingers worked inside Reno's heated body.

Rufus shifted a little, fingers twitching. "His job is to protect me, no matter what that entails." He replied slowly. 

"Strange. You were so possessive over him a moment ago and now you're allowing me to finger him?" Kadaj frowned. "Humans are confusing." Kadaj seemed to grow bored and he yanked his fingers out of Reno's body, making him gasp and shudder. He then grabbed Reno's trousers and yanked them down to expose his ass."Then, seeing as you don't care what I do to him, I'll take what I want." Kadaj grinned and watched Rufus as he unzipped his leather cat-suit. "You can watch. Maybe you'll enjoy it?"

"I doubt it." Rufus replied icily.

Reno closed his eyes, letting the voices wash over him. He felt Kadaj's body heat against his ass, the slide of his cock between his cheeks and then something hot and hard forcing its way into his body. A lance of pain stabbed into his gut and he grunted, keeping his lips firmly closed. He refused to give Kadaj the satisfaction of his screams. He let his body go limp, ignoring the pain and the hot sting of humiliation. 

When it was over Kadaj pulled away from Reno and let him collapse back to the floor with a groan. He stood up and zipped up his leather cat-suit before walking smoothly around Reno's collapsed body and standing before Rufus. "Where is mother?" Kadaj asked yet again as he walked. 

"I have no idea." Rufus replied smoothly, eyes moving to Reno who rolled over onto his side, gasping in pain and groaning. 

"Boy, do I hate liars." Kadaj said.

"I apologise. This time you'll get the truth; the object you seek fell from the helicopter while we were running from you." Rufus lied again, his hidden hand clenching on the box in his lap. "I'm afraid we were careless."

Reno couldn't concentrate on what was being said, he felt sick and his body ached horribly. He knew that it would have been ten times worse had he fought back harder, but still he could barely move. He let his eyes close as someone walked around the room and voices drifted over him, a vague buzzing of sound in his ears. His arms ached dully as they were still tied at his back and he lay still, simply breathing. Some time later he came back around, eyes stinging as light shone through the window. He wasn't sure, at first, what had happened or why his whole body was throbbing until a face appeared in his field of vision. "Rude?" He muttered hoarsely, his throat sore and tongue too thick.

"Reno...are you all right? What happened?" Rude held Reno's belt in his hand as he hovered over him, a look of concern on his normally stoic face.

"D-Dunno man...I..." Reno trailed off, blinking sluggishly as he licked his dry lips. "Where's boss...?"

"Gone." Rude said as he reached out and made to put a hand on Reno's arm to help him to his feet. Reno flinched, wincing as pain shot through his battered body.

"No!" He said sharply. "Don' man...jus' gimme a minute an' I'll get up on my own."

"Reno?"

"Don' worry." Reno closed his eyes again, collecting his strength before slowly forcing himself to sit up. "Ow. Ow. Ow." He moaned and his head swam. "Shit. He did a number on me." He winced as his weight pressed his ass into the floor, bile rose to his throat and he swallowed it back. "Fuck..." He shook himself and frowned as he struggled to his good hand and knees and crawled awkwardly over to the sofa before climbing onto it and lying down again. 

"Reno...your pants..." Rude pointed to where Reno's pants still dangled from his ankles. He was naked still. 

Reno shifted and tried to pull them up, finally he managed it and sighed shakily. "Don' ask, yo." He said to Rude, not wanting to re-live the experience. "Le's jus' ge' ourselves sorted an' find Cloud Strife...we're no' strong enough ta bea' those fuckin' monsters."

Rude stared at him from across the room before nodding slowly, he moved over to a cupboard and withdrew several potions. He handed one to Reno, being careful not to touch him. Reno gave him a soft smile before downing the foul tasting liquid and lying back again with a sigh. "We'll get him back." Rude assured his partner.

"Yeah, man. I know." Reno closed his eyes and waited for the potion to take affect.


	24. Coping Mechanisms (or Reno Is Apparently Very Artistic But Not Everyone Appreciates His Idea Of Creativity)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, this one is a little weird and needs some explaining. Basically it came from a drunken idea my friend and I had about what hobbies each of the Turks were into, I loved the idea of Reno being secretly very artistic (mostly based on the fact that in the novella 'The Kids Are All Right', it states that Reno and Rude worked on the Meteor monument together and that shit's some pretty cool sculpture. He's also the one who re-painted the sign leading to Healen Lodge...I'm as surprised as you are). So yeah, I love this idea of Reno being really talented...but with his sense of humour he doesn't exactly spend his time constructively. How did this idea of a silly bit of sculpture turn into angst? I honestly have no idea. Angst was not my intention when I started writing it...now I'm kind of confused. Enjoy anyway! Also Reno/Rude.

By Kimmimaru

Rude pulled the paper off of the strangely shaped gift and stared at what was inside. It wasn't as if he hadn't expected it but he already had hundreds of the bloody things and the joke was wearing thin. "Another one?" He asked, looking up at his partner.

"Yeah. This time it's an accurate model of some guy I had last weekend, yo. The guy was huge...not as huge as you though." Reno winked as he stood by the book case in Rude's apartment. 

 

Rude looked down at the wooden penis in his lap. "Uh..."

"I know man; I jus' get better an' better." Reno shrugged. "Wha' can I say, I go' serious talent."

"It's...another cock." Rude finally managed, looking back up at Reno. He had to admit it was extremely realistic, it was beautifully polished so that the grain of the wood showed through. Reno was talented but for some unknown reason he never carved anything except cocks. Rude had hundreds of them, tucked away in his closet so he didn't have to look at them. "Why don't you try to carve something else?" Rude asked, picking up the cock and looking at it with a frown. "Who would display this sort of thing in their homes?"

Reno chewed some gum and frowned at his partner. "Don' ya like 'em?" He asked, eyes widening like a kicked puppy. Rude grunted non-committally. "Cissnei loves 'em." He started sulking and Rude sighed, he stood up and walked over to his book shelf, putting the penis on the shelf and watching Reno's eyes light up. Rude was pretty sure Cissnei hated them too but was just too nice to say anything. "Aw, man...ya like it so much ya gunna le' everyone see!" He exclaimed excitedly, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

"..." Rude said, turning away. He would leave it up until Reno left then he would take it down and put it with the others, he hoped Reno would forget about it. "Do you want some tea?" Rude asked, turning to see Reno admiring his masterpiece and shifting it subtly into the centre of the shelf. Rude tried not to wince too obviously as a picture of his dearly deceased mother fell face down as Reno moved the cock in front of it. 

"Huh? Ya go' anythin' harder, yo?" Reno asked, blinking at Rude questioningly.

"Sure." Rude went into his kitchen and heard Reno mutter to himself, he thought he heard him mention something about doing a piece with several cocks. Rude sighed, hoping against hope that it wouldn't be for him. He went to the fridge and withdrew a bottle of beer for Reno and one for himself, he returned to the living room with them and paused when he saw Reno lying on his couch and sketching frantically into an A5 pad. "What're you doing?" He asked, seating himself beside his partner and setting down his beer on the coffee table.

Reno peered at him over his pad and grinned, a light blush staining his cheeks. "Nothin', yo." He muttered and tried to shut the pad, Rude grabbed it off of him and held him back with one arm as Reno tried to launch himself at Rude. "Hey! Tha's private!" He yelled but Rude was far stronger and he remained pinned beneath his arm across his chest.

Rude looked at the unfinished drawing, utterly amazed. "This is..." He trailed off, unable to find any words.

"It's crap, yo." Reno mumbled, turning a shade of red that matched his hair. "Give it back."

"Reno..." Rude turned to look down at his partner, his glasses slid a little down his nose and Reno looked as if he wanted to sink right into the sofa and disappear. "Why don't you give people your drawings? They're amazing." He didn't know much about art but he was pretty sure Reno had serious talent, he had no idea why he carved cocks instead of concentrating on his pencil sketches. The one in Rude's hand showed Rude's face in profile, the shading was exquisite, the lighting perfect. 

Reno's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Ya no' fuckin' with me?" He asked roughly, hands clenching at his sides. 

"Why would I lie?" Rude replied, lifting his arm off of Reno's chest. "May I...?" He arched an eyebrow at Reno who flushed and nodded, averting his eyes as he sat up and snatched up his beer. Rude tore the sketch out of the book and stood up, he moved to his shelf and leaned it against some books. "I'll take it down to Franc's Street to get it framed." He said slowly, turning to look over at Reno who was hunched over in quiet embarrassment. "Reno, it's far better than cocks."

"Yeah bu'..." Reno swallowed and looked up at Rude with a strange look in his eyes that Rude couldn't decipher. "My Ma used ta hate it, yo." He whispered hoarsely and ran his fingers through his hair, obviously agitated. "She used ta throw 'em all out. I...I guess I never though'...I dunno man. I though' they were kinda sucky." He leaned back and sighed heavily.

Rude flicked through the pad in his hand, it seemed Reno spent a lot of free time drawing. He saw a beautiful rendition of Cissnei in biro captured mid-laugh, there was Tseng with a hand up rubbing the top of his nose in exasperation. He saw himself depicted the most however, arranged in various poses; from his fighting stance to simply relaxing with a beer. Reno was bright red now, his shoulders hunched to his ears as he sank as far as he could into the sofa. "You like to draw me." Rude said slowly, frowning a little.

"Yeah...well...ya'know...I-uh-kinda know you best, yo."

Rude reached the very back of the pad and saw a self portrait. It was a simple one of Reno's face, staring out at the viewer but Reno had used coloured pencils to scribble over it, as if he was trying erase it somehow. Rude didn't want to ask why his partner had done such a thing, Reno was right, the sketchbook was private. He flipped it closed and cleared his throat as he handed it back to Reno. Reno looked up at him as he took the book and returned it inside his jacket, he slumped lower so hair obscured his face. "You're talented." Rude said as he moved around the other side of the sofa and picked up his beer from the table, he took a deep swig and watched Reno intently. He had never seen Reno so self-concious before.

"Yeah...I dunno man, I'm no' really inta all tha' art stuff, yo. I don' go ta exhibitions or nothin'...I jus'...I draw 'coz it keeps me calm, ya know? I don' feel like...like I'm gunna explode if I draw somethin'."

Rude nodded thoughtfully as he took a seat by his partners side. They had been friends for years and he had never known about Reno's ability to draw. Every Turk had ways of learning to deal with the stresses of the job, Rude himself liked to gamble, he knew Tseng meditated and Cissnei spent an inordinate amount of time in the gym. He had always wondered how Reno dealt with some of the dirty shit they had to do and now he knew why, some weekends, Reno would shut himself away from the world. "I would like to see more." Rude said abruptly, making Reno jump a little and look up at him.

"Ya would?"

"Yeah." Rude put an arm along the back of the sofa and felt Reno lean towards him automatically, like a cat seeking heat. 

"I go' some paintin's at home." He muttered, picking at the label on his bottle. 

"Of what?"

"People." Reno glanced at Rude and away again. "Targets." he whispered.

Rude grunted.

"They're dead. They get a funny li'l look in their faces when they snuff i' ya know? I had ta record it. They get stuck in my head otherwise an' I jus' can' sleep with 'em there. If I trap 'em in paint it don' hurt so bad, yo." Reno confessed, frowning a little as he finally peeled the label on his beer right off. Rude was the only person in the entire world that Reno would ever dare confess anything like that to, they were partners, brothers. They knew each other and never judged. It was a good thing they had and he didn't want to fuck it all up by explaining why Rude kept turning up in all his damned drawings. 

"You need to stop giving people cocks as gifts and just give them your drawings, they'd like them much better. Trust me."

Reno snorted and sat up straighter, running hands through his short-cropped hair. "Huh. Ya givin' me a lecture? Tseng liked his, yo. He thinks it's a fertility statue for some kinda old pagan religion. It's on his desk."

Rude chuckled at that. "And you didn't tell him?"

"Nah. He'd be pissed if he found out he's go' a statue o' my cock on his desk."

Rude and Reno both laughed loudly at that. Reno leaned closer to Rude and Rude found his fingers in his partners hair, neither of them moved or acknowledged it. Rude turned on the TV and they sat and watched a few films in comfortable silence.

XXX

Rude knocked on the door, frowning as he once again received no answer. It had been a week since anyone had last heard from Reno, Tseng was worried and he had finally sent Rude to his apartment. The night Reno had collapsed the plate on Sector Seven he had been virtually silent, avoiding eye contact and then when Tseng told him to go home and recover from his injuries he had disappeared. Rude knocked again, this time louder. "Reno!" He shouted through the door, hoping his partner was in there, only having a shower or something. The alternative was too terrible to consider. "Reno! Open this damned door!" He slammed his huge fist against it and felt it shudder, finally he heard shuffling within. The door opened and he saw Reno. The sight of him shocked Rude so much his eyes widened behind his glasses. "What the hell...?" He muttered as he took in the state of Reno's uniform, it was covered in paint and blood. Reno lifted an arm and wiped it over his cheek where paint had caked the side of his face, the blood was dried and flaking and Rude had a feeling it was Reno's own. He had dirty bandages covering his chest and hands from the beating he had taken from Strife and his gang, his eyes however were the worst. They were empty. Completely empty and he stared at Rude as if he didn't really recognise him. "Reno...?"

"Whadda ya wan'?" Reno muttered, his voice hoarse as he backed away from the door and limped back into his apartment. The place was filthy and cluttered, plates of old food were going mouldy in the sink in the kitchen, stacks of take away boxes were piled haphazardly in corners. The place smelt musty as if Reno hadn't opened a window since returning home. 

"Tseng was worried and so am I. Reno, what the hell is this?" He indicated the apartment with one sweep of his hand.

"Wan' somethin' ta drink?" Reno asked, ignoring Rude's question.

"No. I'm here to check on you."

"Don' need a babysitter, yo." Reno mumbled, his shoulders slumped, his hair greasy. He lifted those horribly empty eyes to Rude, once again rubbing his sleeve across his paint spattered face. "Ya gunna jus' stand there or wha'?" 

Rude grunted and moved further into the mess, he looked around and saw a massive canvas set up on an easel. He stared at it for a long time. It was beautiful but also horrible, the colours were Mako green and crimson, sickly browns and bright sparks of electric yellow. "The plate..." Rude muttered, moving closer to the painting. It was a perfect birds eye view of the Sector Seven plate collapsing. It was still wet and, judging by Reno's state, he had been working on it for five days without sleep. Reno stared numbly at the image he had created before turning away again, he put an arm around his stomach and frowned at the floor. "Reno..." Rude was at a loss for words as he gazed at his partner.

"They won' go away, man." Reno hissed shakily, lifting a hand to his dirty hair and shaking his head. "I can pain' 'em an' pain' 'em bu'...bu' it don' work. They won' let me sleep. I c-can'..." He trailed off with a shaky sigh.

"You couldn't have done anything. It was orders." Rude saw other canvases, torn to pieces and scattered all over the living room.

"Yeah? Ya think?" Reno gave him an angry glare. "I coulda said no. Ya know I could've!"

"You would have died." Rude replied calmly, folding his hands in his lap and watching Reno falling apart.

"Maybe I shoulda! Maybe I should be dead an' then I wouldn' be feelin' like this! I wouldn' be torturin' myself with their fuckin' screams!" Reno dragged his hands through his hair, pulling it in his agitation and blinking too rapidly. "I never killed so many people before, Rude! I-I..." He shut his mouth tightly and he sank to the sofa, burying his face in his knees as he curled up on himself. "Orders...Jus' fuckin' followin' orders...There were kids there, man. People I knew. People I-I grew up with, yo. I'm a fuckin' murderer!"

Rude moved to Reno's side, pushing piles of screwed up paper out of his way as he sat at his side. He pulled him close and for the first time in their friendship he hugged him. Reno was shuddering violently in his arms and he wasn't responding to the affection at all but Rude held on. They sat in silence, just listening to each other's breathing until Reno's shoulder's relaxed and he let out a slow breath of air. "Tseng said ya gotta have time off." Rude said finally as Reno buried his face in his chest. He lifted his own shaking hand and pushed it into Reno's hair, pulling it lightly so that he was forced to look into Rude's face. "He knows, man." Reno blinked at him, his eyes a little too red and watery. 

"Time off...?" Reno croaked. "Who's gunna go after Strife an' his gang?"

"I will. Me an' Elena." Rude assured him. "I'll kick his ass for you."

Reno managed a tiny, stuttering laugh. "Watch tha' Tifa girl, yo. She's go' a fuckin' powerful kick." He rubbed the back of his head as he remembered feeling her boot connecting with his skull and the sickening crack that echoed through his body. "W-when ya meet 'im...tell Strife tha' I got a present for 'im, yo...I'm gunna ge' myself a new weapon."

"I'll do that." Rude assured him, his fingers absently massaging the back of Reno's neck where he had them tangled in his hair. Reno was very close, Rude could feel his heart beating against the side of his chest where he was pressed against him. He felt heat in his face and frowned, eyes flicking down to Reno's lips before back to his dark, scary eyes. 

"Rude...?" Reno whispered slowly, a small frown creasing his forehead.

Rude forced his hand to release Reno's hair, he drew back and cleared his throat loudly. Adjusting his tie to give himself something to do while Reno backed off as well. Reno glanced at him and away again, a slight blush on his own cheeks. "Go shower." Rude told him as he stood up. "Get dressed into something more comfy. I'm gunna order pizza and get this place cleared up a bit." 

"S-Sure thing..." Reno muttered and got to his feet, wincing as his broken ribs pained him. "Ow...fuck...Strife's gunna pay, yo." He growled, gasping in short, sharp breaths of air as the pain slowly eased again.

"I'll tell him. Now, go shower." Rude repeated and Reno gave him a small, wonky grin. It wasn't much but Rude would take what he could get. Reno went to shower and Rude shed his jacket, throwing it over the back of a chair before rolling up his shirt sleeves. The moment of tenderness that passed between them would go unacknowledged once again. They both ignored it. They didn't want to know what might happen or if it would be good or bad if it did, it wasn't worth the risk. Rude pushed those thoughts from his mind and started to tidy.

XXX

The Lifestream exploded up from the earth at their feet. Reno stared up at it, mouth open and skin tinted sickly green. Rude watched him, his body tingling as the energy ripped at his uniform. It was the end of the world and they were standing out in the midst of the chaos, two still statues gazing into the eye of the storm. Rude lifted his eyes to Meteor and watched in silent awe as the two powers crashed above them. He saw his life flash through his mind, all those little moments he had wasted with Reno. When they had been so close, hands shaking, uncertainty in their eyes...He blinked as the rock above them started to break apart. Reno let out a loud whoop of delight, punching the air in his excitement and Rude felt an insane grin of his own spread across his face. As Meteor was destroyed Rude turned to his partner, he grabbed him with one strong hand and yanked him roughly into his arms. Reno gasped and looked up at him, frowning in confusion but, before he could speak and ruin the moment; Rude captured his lips with his own. 

Reno tensed for a moment before slowly relaxing. He pulled away and looked up into Rude's face. "Don' ya dare be fuckin' with me, man." Reno whispered hoarsely, reaching up to curl fingers around the back of Rude's bald head and yanking him down for another kiss. "Don' be fuckin' with me." He muttered against Rude's mouth. "Waited so long..."

"I'm not. Trust me partner." Rude replied, fisting his hands into Reno's dusty uniform.

Green light whipped around them, fluttering their shirts and making Reno's hair fly up around their faces. Reno groaned into Rude's mouth, blunt nails digging into the back of Rude's skull. He felt Rude's strong hand pressing against the small of his back and let himself believe that it wasn't the end of the world, that everything might, perhaps, be all right now. Rude suddenly cupped Reno's backside and lifted him up onto a collapsed bit of the ShinRa building, their lips still moving hungrily against each other. Reno felt the length of Rude's cock pressing against his own and he pushed against it, making a tiny noise of desperation. "Calm down." Rude muttered, unsure if he was talking to himself or Reno. Not that it mattered. "We got work to do."

"Fuck work." Reno gasped, his body aching pleasantly and his hands shaking a little from the adrenalin rush and Rude's impromptu kiss.

Rude smiled, a small curve of his mouth. "We gotta check on the others." Rude reminded him.

Reno huffed, turning his head so that he was looking up at the sky. "I's really no' the end, yo?" He asked hoarsely.

"No. I don't reckon it is." Rude replied, following Reno's gaze and smiling.

"Shit man. We nearly died. We nearly ended i' all." Reno closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against Rude's broad chest, his hands curling into Rude's shirt.

"We're alive." Rude said, holding Reno's trembling body close. He couldn't blame him, Rude was shaking pretty violently himself, from fear or reaction he didn't know. 

"Y-yeah, man. Alive." Reno looked up again, this time into Rude's eyes. He saw every unspoken thing Rude had ever avoided saying and smiled a little. "We gotta ge' back ta work, yo." He said finally and reluctantly released his partner. Rude stepped back and let him slide down from his perch. Reno rolled up his sleeves and checked his EMR was still on the strap on his wrist before nodding to Rude who nodded back, together they walked down a small slope of rubble and began to hunt down Tseng and Elena.

"Finally." Tseng muttered, scratching beneath his bandage and earning himself a glare from Elena.

"What's 'finally'?" Elena asked, slapping at Tseng's hand as it rose to scratch the healing wound again. Tseng winced a little but managed a small smile as they watched Reno and Rude scramble down the slope together.

"Those two have been dancing around each other for years."

Elena looked back at her colleagues, watching how close they were. "I never noticed..." She muttered.

"No. You haven't been with us for long enough." Tseng tugged at his ragged uniform, frowning at it in irritation. "We have to go. They will be looking for us and if they know we saw them..." He let the sentence go unfinished and Elena grinned.

"Yes sir." She said and followed Tseng back the way they had come, she watched her boss move gingerly, protecting his wounds and sighed. Would Tseng ever make another offer to take her for dinner? Did he even remember the time he had asked her? It had been right before Sephiroth's attack. 

"Elena?"

"Sir?"

Tseng paused as he came across a battered doll, he picked it up and stared at its sad little face and button eyes. Some child had lost their toy. "Would you allow me to take you to dinner?" He asked, turning around to look at Elena who blushed furiously. "I offered before but...we never got to arrange it properly. The offer still stands if you are amenable."

"Yes! Yes I would love to go to dinner with you, sir!" She grinned broadly and Tseng smiled, he nodded his head and let the doll fall from his fingers back into the dust and debris. 

"That's good. There's a lovely place in Kalm, it has a wonderful Tofu dish you must try."

"I look forward to it, sir." Elena bounced on her heels, hands behind her back as she watched Tseng set off again.


	25. No One Forgets That They Have a Love Egg In Their Bodies...But Let's Pretend They Do.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Forget realism. Let's put that aside for now or the next story will be really annoying, lol. Clack abound.

By Kimmimaru

Cloud groaned heavily, eyes closed as Zack kissed his throat. He arched his back, pressing his naked body against Zack's. A hot tongue ran over his throat and he shivered, feeling their erections rubbing against each other. “Ah...Zack...” He muttered, opening his eyes and looking up into Zack's face. “We've got a parade soon...we don't have time to-oh yeah...” He felt Zack's hand wrap around his cock and he pushed his hips into the tight tunnel formed by his fingers.

“We have time, stop worrying.” Zack breathed against Cloud's cheek, he grunted as he moved into a more comfortable position. He revealed his free hand and showed Cloud a tiny remote.

“What's that?” Cloud asked.

“This is something I dug up online...it's called a love egg.”

Cloud sniggered. “That sounds stupid.”

“Yeah but Cissnei says its really good. Give me a minute.” He slid off of the bed and moved to the draw in the bedside table. He rummaged around and took a shining silver egg out of it, he returned to Cloud's side. “I just put this in your ass and use the remote to control its vibrations.”

Cloud bit down on his bottom lip and his eyes met Zack's, Zack saw the gleam in the blue depths and knew Cloud liked the idea. “All right.” He said and opened his legs, spreading them and smirking. Zack grinned and dropped his head, kissing the dip of Cloud's throat, causing him to chuckle. Then he moved to the bedside table once again and dug out the lubrication. Once the toy was well covered he ran his wet fingers down the crack of Cloud's ass and watched him sigh. He pushed two fingers inside him, knowing he was already well prepared but just wanting to watch him squirm. Finally he smirked and transferred the little silver egg to the place his fingers had been. He slid the object inside and Cloud shivered, eyes opening a little so Zack could see the little slit of bright blue beneath the lids. Cloud smirked. “What now?” He asked huskily.  
Zack lifted the remote and pressed one of the buttons, he watched eagerly as Cloud's body arched a little off the bed, his hands curling into the blankets beneath him. His tongue darted out to wet his lips. “Is that good?” Zack asked.

“Oh yeah...do it again.” Cloud replied and Zack pressed the up button, causing the vibrations to increase in intensity. Cloud groaned, his hips lifting off the bed and his cheeks turning a little pink. Zack moved between Cloud's open legs, he ran his tongue over his flat stomach, lapping at the sweat gathered there and listening intently to his tiny little gasps. He moved down, kissing his treasure trail, barely visible against his pale flesh. He nipped at a hip bone and moved to his cock, running his tongue over the tip and glancing up to see Cloud's eyes on him and a small smile playing around his lips. He bent his head, preparing to take Cloud's erection into his mouth when his phone buzzed. He cursed softly and moved to where he had dumped his clothes, he picked them up and rummaged around in his trouser pockets before finally freeing his phone and opening it. “What?!” He snapped.

“That's no way to greet a friend.” Kunsel's voice said from the other end.

Zack sighed heavily and rubbed at his eyes. “Sorry, I'm kinda in the middle of something important.” He said as he absently pressed the button on the remote and smirked as he felt Cloud jerk, making the bed rock against the wall. Cloud muttered a curse.

“What was that noise?” Kunsel asked suspiciously.

“Nothing. What do you want, Kunsel?”

“Z-Zack...” Cloud hissed through clenched teeth, giving Zack a glare as the egg continued to vibrate inside him. Zack grinned and ran a hand slowly up Cloud's thigh, moving to his cock and rubbing the tip with his thumb. Cloud bit down on his bottom lip, not wanting Kunsel to hear him crying out.

“Haven't you heard? Sephiroth wants all SOLDIER operatives at the parade site in ten minutes!” Kunsel paused as Cloud released a gasping moan. “Zack...have you got someone with you?” He asked suspiciously. “You know Heidegger's banned us from bringing people back to our hotels tonight.”

“Yeah, I do.” Zack replied as he stood up, leaving Cloud gasping to catch his breath after the onslaught of pleasure he had received. He began to pick up his clothes, pinning the phone to his shoulder with his head as he struggled into his pants, he put the remote absently in his pocket. “I'll be there in a second, Kunsel.”  
“Good. Sephiroth'll have your head if you're late.”

“I know, man. I'll see ya there.”

“Sure.”

Kunsel hung up and so did Zack, pocketing his phone and turning to a debauched Cloud. “I'm sorry, Cloud...I've gotta go. Turns out Sephiroth wants us to be there ten minutes early.” His face twisted with regret, Cloud looked good enough to eat lying on his bed, sheets twisted beneath him, sweat sticking hair to his forehead and cheeks flushed a pretty pink. His chest rose and fell and he took a moment to gather himself before sitting up.

“It's fine. I'll see you there, right?” Cloud smiled.

“Yeah and then you'll come back here and we can continue where we left off?”

Cloud nodded, causing his hair to bob and his face to heat even more. Zack leaned down and kissed him deeply, he put the hotel room key in Cloud's hand and drew away reluctantly. “I'll see you, Zack.” Cloud promised and watched Zack leave.

Cloud dressed hurriedly, he paused at the full length mirror and tidied his hair as best he could. He had washed himself with a damp cloth as fast as he could before getting dressed and his hair was a little damp but there was no helping that. He was going to be late for the Parade if he wasn't careful. After one last look at his appearance he dashed off, forgetting that he had not removed the little toy inside him.

Cloud made it just in time, he shoved his helmet on his head and stood in line panting. He was beside Johnny, a friend from his unit. Johnny turned to look at him suspiciously. “Where have you been?” He asked.

“Oh...uh...no where.” Cloud replied, glancing up at the large podium that had been erected for the special event. It was a celebration of the President's birthday and crimson banners lined the streets. He saw Zack standing beside Sephiroth, just behind the President himself. Cloud took a breath, calming his racing heart and returned his eyes to the front.

“Welcome!” The president began, talking into a microphone on a stand before him. The large crowd of civilians roared their approval of the celebrations. “Today I have the great pleasure of announcing my birthday...”

Cloud zoned out, he hated speeches. He moved his eyes to the others on the podium and saw Rufus ShinRa sitting behind his father with his arms folded across his chest and a very bored expression on his face. Once again Cloud's eyes were drawn to Zack who was having incredible difficulty in keeping still, he saw Sephiroth send him a sharp look as he fidgeted with something in his pocket. A frown marred Zack's forehead before his expression cleared and he smirked. Cloud was about to look elsewhere but then he felt something twitch inside him, he bit down hard on his bottom lip as the egg vibrated. He let a soft gasp escape and earned himself a look from Johnny. He felt his cock spasm as the vibration increased. Pleasure spread from his groin and pooled in his stomach, he closed his eyes, desperately trying not to move even an inch, if he did his commander would make him run laps in the pissing rain or something equally as awful. Somewhere music was playing, the tune to 'happy birthday' some of the civilians sang along and Rufus rolled his eyes in obvious disgust. He folded his legs and his arms and tapped his foot impatiently. Zack's grin widened as he scanned the crowd of blue clad infantrymen, wondering which one was Cloud and if he had remembered to remove the toy.

Cloud bit down hard on his bottom lip and felt Johnny nudge him. “What's wrong?” Johnny hissed as he adjusted his grip on his rifle.

“N-Nothing...” Cloud managed to gasp. His cock was hard now as Zack upped the vibrations, Cloud's hips twitched and he shifted his stance. Zack's eyes found him in the crowd of helmeted men. It wasn't hard, he was the shortest one there and looked exceedingly uncomfortable.

Junon harbour was packed to bursting, people had come from all over to engage in the celebrations. There were to be fireworks and food and music, it was a fun family event. Cloud moaned softly, hoping it had been drowned out by the loud music still playing over the large speakers that lined the avenue. He could feel tension growing in his groin, it was becoming unbearable. On stage two Turks had brought out a massive birthday cake with numerous candles burning. The President thanked the crowds and turned to blow the candles out, the crowd whooped in delight. “Oh...f-fuck...” Cloud groaned, closing his eyes and knowing that if he didn't get away soon he'd come right there in his pants. His nerves were on fire and he gripped his rifle with hands that sweated inside his gloves. Johnny continued to send him curious glances until finally they were dismissed. Cloud felt the vibrations stop as Zack leapt lightly down from the podium, followed by Sephiroth. They came to stand before the assembled army.

“Ten-hut!” The commander of Cloud's unit called loudly. The soldiers put their arms down by their sides, the street was filled with the sound of boots hitting tarmac as they turned to the right as one. “Attention! Salute!”

Cloud lifted his gun, moving it in rhythm with everyone else. His movements however were stiff and awkward, he still had a huge erection and it made him more uncoordinated than ever. They transferred their guns to their other shoulder and lifted their arms in a salute to the president. “Move out!” The soldiers marched forward, “Left, Right, left...” The commander kept them in time and Cloud desperately tried not to stumble. He passed by Zack who watched him, still grinning.

They returned to Junon's barracks and Cloud stripped off his helmet and threw it onto the bed. Johnny sat down beside it. “What the hell was up with you today?” He asked.

“Nothing. I'm fine. I'm g-going...” Cloud's eyes widened and he flushed brightly. Quickly he turned away and walked out of the room. Johnny watched him go, completely confused. Cloud almost ran to the showers, he knew they wouldn't be occupied yet and he desperately needed a wank. He dived into the large room and slammed the door behind him. He leaned against it and closed his eyes, tipping his head back as the egg began to vibrate again. He groaned loudly, lifting a hand and rubbing his straining cock. “Oh shit...” He gasped, hips jerking helplessly.

“Need some help there, soldier?”

Zack's voice made Cloud's eyes open, his pupils were blown wide with excitement and he launched himself at Zack crushing their lips together as he slammed him against the wall. “F-Fuck me...right here and now...I need your cock inside me Zack.” He hissed, pulling on Zack's trousers with shaking hands. “Oh god...I'm so fucking horny.”

Zack laughed and grabbed him around the waist, he pulled him close and ground their hips together, enjoying Cloud's expression. “I can't say no to that.” He breathed.

“I hate you...such a-a bastard...” Cloud grabbed the remote from Zack's hand and turned the vibrator up to full. “Ah yes!” He closed his eyes, grinding his hips into Zack's and hearing him grunt.

“Fuck, calm down.” Zack muttered, pulling open his trousers and yanking them down to his knees. He grabbed Cloud and turned him around, slamming him front first into the tiled wall. He undid Cloud's trousers, hissing filth into his ear. “Did you like that, huh? I bet you nearly came in your pants...oh fuck...you're so hot...Such a little slut...”

“Z-Zack...h-hurry...” Cloud gasped, hands curling into fists as he scrabbled at the wall in desperation. Zack reached between Cloud's ass cheeks and removed the egg, he let it fall to the floor before replacing it with his cock.

“Got me so hard thinking of you...down there and struggling not to make a sound. Cloud...I fucking love you...” He pushed his cock inside Cloud's over hot body.  
“Yes, yes, yes! That's it! Right fucking there, Zack!” Cloud cried, his voice echoing around the showers. Zack fucked him hard and fast, he grabbed Cloud's wrists in his hands and kissed his throat, his hips slamming back and forth in rapid thrusts. Their pants, groans and soft curses filled the room, neither of them bothering to keep their voices down. After a few moments Zack released Cloud's hands and reached down to his cock, he tugged it roughly, feeling Cloud's hips slam back into his own.

“Cloud...so beautiful...” Zack closed his eyes, burying his face into Cloud's sweaty hair. He felt tension growing in his gut and gasped, a small frown creasing his brow as he felt Cloud tense around him.

“C-Coming...”

“I-I know...” Zack shifted and hit that sweet bundle of nerves inside Cloud's body, he felt his muscles tense, a loud cry escaped his lips as semen splattered the tiles in front of him. Zack groaned as his own orgasm swept through him like a tidal wave. Finally Zack pulled out and Cloud slid down the wall, falling sideways and lying on the cold tiles. He blinked dazedly up at the ceiling and licked his dry lips. Zack lay down at his side, running a hand through Cloud's messy hair. “Good?” He mumbled, barely able to force words from his mouth. He felt Cloud trembling as the after shocks of his orgasm still swept through his nerves. Cloud laughed softly, leaning into Zack's gentle touch.

“Yeah. Worth it.” He gasped.

“We should do that again sometime...You looked so hot, screaming like that for me.”

“Hm. Maybe next time it should be your turn.” Cloud whispered, running a hand up Zack's chest and looking seductively into his eyes, a devilish smirk crossing his face.

They exited the showers hand in hand, Zack dragged Cloud to his lips and they kissed slowly for a long time. When they finally parted someone cleared their throat. Cloud stiffened and peered around Zack to find the General himself standing behind them with his arms folded. Zack turned and grinned guiltily. “Hi, Sephiroth.” He said nervously.

“I do hope you've cleaned up after yourselves in there.” Sephiroth said, a tiny smirk crossing his face as he turned and paused at the exit to the barracks. “Oh yes and Zack?”

“Yeah?”

“Next time try to be more subtle with your little sex games, it would be embarrassing for you if an incident like this ended up on your permanent record.” He left the two of them, red with humiliation and laughed to himself as he went.


	26. It Should Be Impossible To Fly With Enlarged Testicles But Apparently It Can Be Done...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok...more bizarness from my bestie. Honestly, I think they should stop drinking because it makes them weird. :/ (Love you really, Amy!)

By Amy

Zack stumbled through the streets, Cloud attempting to support him as he staggered this way and that, trying to act sober when he certainly was not. Suddenly from nowhere, Angeal appeared and thrust his MASSIVE BALLS at them, before flying away into the night, cackling like Genesis.  
“What.” Cloud and Zack said in unison.


	27. This Is Totally Not Funny Amy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Best friend? >:/ Not for much longer. Lol.

“Sephiroth-saaaan~” Kimmimaru moaned, tugging at the trousers of the General and limpeting onto his leg. “Let me be your waifuuuu~” She snuggled into the fabric, rubbing her face up and down the length of his leg. “I want your peen!”  
Sephiroth groaned, looking at the blonde attached to him. It seemed he would have to undertake this task, for the honour of ShinRa and himself.


	28. A Date. This Does Not Belong Here But Ok.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not our usual weird porn but Amy wrote it, its kind of tame for us actually. Clack. Also, I think this may be unfinished.

By Amy

 

Zack adjusted the collar of his shirt while glancing himself over in the mirror one more time. He pulled the black jacket on, fingers pausing on the top button. He'd leave it open, after all he could do it up on the ride over to the restaurant. He looked at the clock; Cloud should be here shortly. He picked up his wallet and with one last smooth of his hair, he headed to the door. They were finally doing it, finally going out together for the first time as a couple. Zack sat on the foot of the staircase, taking a deep breath. He had butterflies in his stomach, and his heart was beating so fast it hurt. Getting to see Cloud all dressed up, getting to hold his hand and kiss those lips that were just for him. Zack giggled to himself, his blue eyes twinkling with joy.

The sound of the engine grew from faint to loud as Zack watched the headlight of, what he presumed, was Cloud, draw up outside his door. Instinctively he leapt to his feet, but took a deep breath as not to encapsulate Cloud in a long embrace when he knocked on the door.  
Knock knock  
Zack tensed, and took a steady step towards the handle. Deep breaths now, almost there...Zack pulled down the handle and opened the door, broad smile on his lips as his gaze fell to the blond that stood on his doorstep.

Zack's smile widened when he noticed the small bouquet of flowers hidden rather poorly behind the man's back. Cloud's cheeks flushed a little in the light as he brought them out, handing Zack a collection of red roses peppered with the flowers he knew Aerith sold in the slums. Zack took the gift, raising them to his face and closing his eyes.

“Thank you.”  
“It's okay. I-I wasn't sure what to get you and Aerith suggested-” Zack pressed a finger to his lips. “It's okay, but I'm happy. I'm so happy right now.” Zack turned, motioning Cloud to follow him in as he took the bouquet to the kitchen. “Angeal brought me a vase for flowers when I moved in,” Zack explained, opening a cupboard near the window. “But I never thought I'd be the one getting flowers. Giving them, sure, but thank you, Cloud.” He pulled down a glass vase and filled it with water. Cloud watched as he delicately unwrapped the bouquet and eased them in. Angeal had clearly taught him how to look after plants, Cloud thought, as he watched Zack carry the vase carefully to the living room and setting it down upon the coffee table.

“I'm glad you like them.”  
“I love them.”  
“Even better,” Cloud grinned, taking a step forward and wrapping his arms around Zack's waist, nuzzling his back. “You smell wonderful.” Cloud murmured, tightening his grip. Zack chuckled, placing his hands on Cloud's. “You can guess who it was a present from.”  
“Genesis?”  
“Yeah. Said I needed to take pride in myself – not like I don't!” Zack turned, Cloud releasing him and looking his boyfriend up and down. He let out a long whistle, blue eyes gleaming through those blond locks. “I am impressed! I just look...weird.” Cloud motioned at himself. Zack took his time admiring the finely tailored suit. Like his, it was black, however he was wearing a dark blue shirt underneath.


	29. SOLDIER: Lads night out on the lash m8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now, Amy wanted to write an actual story for this but I thought it was funnier as is. I will warn American readers that this is basically very British. Think British blokes on the 'lash' (getting very, very drunk) in somewhere like Magaluf but insert FF7 characters into those roles...its a disastrous combination tbh. All blame lies with Amy. The weird nicknames are supposed to be printed on t-shirts btw.

By Amy  
The Clunginator - Angeal  
Professor Moistener - Sephiroth  
Cumdumpster - Genesis  
Golden TWINK - Cloud  
Midgar's Bicycle - Zack  
totally going out in Costa Del Sol on the lash and looking for "minge" (see: man ass)  
names on back - Zack has shitty pick up lines, Cloud has issues with dudes trying to bum him. Sephiroth is pissed off with everyone and hides a bit??? - genesis is arguing with people who make shitty comments at him being a cumdumpster saying that he is a fucking gr8 fuck and Angeal is having to restrain him - no women approach angeal bc his shirt is crap and people think he's sexist. everyone punches zack at some point that night tbh bc he deserves it for shitty t-shirt names i mean really wtf zack get a grip m8 i mean why the clunginator i mean it makes him sound like a fanny-termintaor and no one wants someone to destroy their minny i mean why that would fucking hurt. genesis is probably though a fan of being jizzed on but he is a secret cumdumpster shhhh. cloud at first is probably a bit like, oh noooo, like a renaisance (??) lady in those paintings who don't want to be raped but the artist is a twit, but otherwise starts like, totally getting in to it and making sephiroth and zack jelly when he grinds his ass up against some buff dudes and is all like 'oh yeah, fuck my ass <3' and then zack is all, whoa slow down m8, and trying to tongue-wrestle cloud but he's having none of it. like it is p much like Beelezboss by tencaious d. i mean sephiroth is obviously the devil in this situation (and would have to take his sorry ass back to the lifestream). But again cloud is the one going back to the lifestream to be sephiroth's little bitch. Though i think that a rock-off would be a fight i guess with swords which would be pretty cool. or a contest to see who can fuck the golden twink the best but then tbh i think cloud would like that maybe. maybe they have to "blow doors down" by blowing dick? that would be an idea maybe.


	30. A Parody Of A Parody...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A paradoy of Team Four Star's DBZ Abridged. I got the idea from Before Crisis because in that President ShinRa does nothing but continuously call for Sephiroth, even though the Turks are more than up to a task he still insists on bringing in Sephiroth...so this weirdness was born.

By Kimmimaru

“Sephiroth! Sephiroth!”

Sephiroth heard the presidents call from outside his office door, he sighed heavily before composing himself and opening the door. “Sir?”

“Sephiroth, I saw a bird.”

“Yes sir.” Sephiroth sighed internally. “That's...nice.”

“Sephiroth...”

“Yes sir?”

“Kill it for me.”

“Uh...sir, it's already gone.”

“Sephiroth.”

“Yes sir?”

“Make me a bagel.”

Sephiroth blinked. He was a general of the entire ShinRa army and the president wanted him to make bagels. “Sir, that is not in my job description.”

“Make me a bagel.”

“I will ask your secretary to make you one sir.” Sephiroth turned and left the room before the President could ask another stupid question. He ordered the woman to get the president a bagel before he heard his name called once again.

“Sephiroth!”

Sephiroth closed his eyes and prayed for patience. “Sir?”

“Sephiroth, bring me some Infantry men.”

“Why, sir?”

“Make them dance like monkeys.”

“I believe that is highly inappropriate, sir.”  
“Sephiroth,”

“Yes sir?” Sephiroth grit his teeth against the urge to curse, he clasped his hands behind his back and dug his finger nails into his skin in an attempt to control his burgeoning anger.

“Bring me a potted plant.”

“Sir, I'm not your servant.”

“Sephiroth.”

“Sir?” Sephiroth sighed.

“Change my son's diaper.”

“Sir, your son is in his twenties, he doesn't need a diaper anymore.”

“He is a cry baby and a wimp.”

“Yes sir.” Sephiroth agreed in an attempt to stop the president from demanding stupid things. It didn't work.

“Sephiroth.”

“Yes...sir...” Sephiroth said around clenched teeth.

“Bring me a manta-ray.”

“A...um...what, sir?”

“A manta-ray.”

“Sir, we're no where near the sea. It's not possible for me to get a manta-ray and I'm not even certain they even exist in this universe.”

“Sephiroth!”

Sephiroth twitched but said nothing, merely glaring daggers at the president.

“Bring me a balloon and party hat.”

“Sir, I must insist that you stop with these requests. My job is to command your army, not run errands.”

“I want a balloon and party hat.”

“Yes sir.” Sephiroth said stiffly and strode from the room, he explained to the secretary what the president wanted and sent her off. When he returned the President was swinging in his chair in a circle and wheeing.

“Sephiroth.”

“Yes sir.”

“I want a trumpet.”

“Sir, this is getting-”

“Now.”

Sephiroth left the office and got the lift down to the foyer. He left the ShinRa building and went to the nearest music shop in sector six. When he returned with the trumpet the president looked at it.

“I do not want it anymore. Take it back.”

Sephiroth's eye twitched.


	31. Zack's Doin' Dirt Because Cloud's A Dick...or is it 'because' of his dick?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so...Public masturbation anyone?

By Kimmimaru

"The fact is simply that Sector Six is overcrowded, we're going to have to build more housing or we will end up with people on the streets. The war with Wutai is driving people from their homes and we're overrun with refugees..."

Zack zoned out Reeve's dull speech, he stared with glazed eyes across the room at Scarlet who was pulling her bra up with a small frown of consternation as it continuously slipped beneath the line of her dress. He watched the breasts jiggle with his mouth slightly open, one hand cupping his chin as he rested on the conference table. Being First was all right until he realised he had to attend boring ass meetings and would be stuck hypnotised by the rhythmic jiggles of Scarlet's boobs. It's not that it was turning him on, it was simply that he couldn't look away even if he tried. Reeve droned on and Zack sighed heavily, earning himself a glare from Sephiroth which he ignored. That was when his phone buzzed in his pocket, he blinked and moved back from the table, reaching into his pocket and withdrawing his PHS. He flipped it open beneath the table and read the message.

From Cloud:

Fuck, Zack. I'm so bored. All I can think about is your cock.

What. The. Hell? Zack blinked down at the message and glanced back up to check if anyone was watching, they weren't. He swallowed and shifted subtly before writing a quick message back.

From Zack:

Shit, Cloud. I'm in a meeting! 

Zack received a message back in seconds.

From Cloud:

I'm so hard, Zack. I need you inside me...

Zack cleared his throat quietly, feeling heat rising in his face. 

From Zack: 

Calm down. Where are you?

From Cloud:

I'm in Junon on a mission. I'm bored and horny. [Attachment]

Warily Zack opened the picture Cloud had sent with his message, he sucked in a sharp breath and looked up to find Sephiroth staring at him and frowning. Cloud had just sent him a dick pic and he was miles away. It was quite obvious just how horny Cloud was, Zack could see his hand wrapped around the base of his cock, the flushed pink head already leaking pre-come. Zack bit back a groan.

From Zack:

Gaia, Cloud. Stop fucking with me, I can't get out of this meeting to get myself off!

From Cloud:

Hmm...I'm imagining you fucking your own fist now, thinking about how tight my ass is. Bet you wanna bend me over the conference table and eat me in front of all those people. Yeah Zack...I want your tongue in my ass.

Zack almost dropped his phone, he caught it with his knees. He swallowed hard again, feeling heat rushing into his groin and wishing Cloud was there with him.

From Zack:

I can almost hear you moaning my name. Your body under my hands...I wanna make you scream my name. Gunna make sure you can't walk in the morning.

From Cloud:

Zack, I need your come inside me. I need to feel you. Fuck...

From Zack:

I'm so hard, Cloud. Want to put my dick between your lips, fuck your mouth and come down your slutty throat.

From Cloud:

Mmm...yeah. I can taste you already. I'm going to run my tongue down your cock, take you deep into my throat.

Zack closed his eyes momentarily, his hand resting on his upper thigh, a little too close to his aching cock. He took a deep breath as he imagined Cloud's lips on his dick, sucking and licking and moaning in that sweet voice. He shivered. 

From Zack:  
When I'm nice and wet I'm gunna throw you onto the bed and open your thighs. I'm going to fuck you with your own spit as lube. I know you like it when it hurts. 

Zack could almost hear Cloud moaning, hand clutching his cock and moving up and down. He saw him, in his minds eye, throwing his head back and fucking his fist as he read the messages. He imagined he could hear him muttering his name. Yes Zack! More! Ohh, fuck me hard! Zack. 

From Cloud:

So close. Gunna come. 

Zack groaned quietly, his hand was now rubbing his cock underneath the table. His cheeks were flushed with colour and he could feel Sephiroth watching him with a frown. He didn't care though as he imagined that Cloud was coming hard, crying out for Zack and spurting all over his own chest. He hissed as he felt his own cock spasm underneath his uniform pants, his eyesight went blurry as he realised with shock that he was coming. Now more people were looking at him in confusion and concern, Zack felt shaky as he blinked around at everyone. Scarlet was giving him a weird look and he suddenly realised he had just jerked himself off in the middle of a meeting. He cleared his throat and frowned, it was suddenly very, very warm in the room.

"Zack, are you well?" Sephiroth asked, a knowing smirk curling his lips.

Zack nodded jerkily. "Uh...I'm actually not feeling too good. Would it be all right if I went home?" He looked at Sephiroth then to Lazard who was looking genuinely worried.

"Perhaps you should go down to the medical wing and get yourself checked out?" Lazard asked quietly.

Zack almost groaned. The last thing he wanted was to have a bunch of scientists rushing around him and doing weird tests because they thought he was ill. SOLDIER didn't get sick, the Mako inside them prevented it. He shook his head. "No, I'm fine. I just think I'm over tired." He tried a smile and Lazard nodded reluctantly.

"Well, if you get any worse I insist you go down to the medical wing, we can't have you getting sick."

Sephiroth cleared his throat and stood up smoothly. "I will escort him, sir." He said and Lazard nodded.

"Good. Make sure he's ok."

"I will. Come, Zack." 

Already did. Zack thought as Sephiroth swept around the table and he slowly got to his feet, trying to hide the wet stain on the front of his pants as he awkwardly followed Sephiroth from the room. When they were a little way down the hall Sephiroth turned to Zack. "I should thank your little blond friend for giving me a way out of that boring meeting." He said and chuckled when Zack gaped at him. "I'm not as stupid as you seem to think, Zack. However, I think you should reassure Lazard because I think he thinks you're going the same way as Genesis did."

"Ah...uh...yeah...I guess." Zack grinned awkwardly and rubbed the back of his head as his cheeks flushed. Sephiroth laughed again and walked away, Zack watched him go feeling like an idiot and decided he would get Cloud back as soon as he could.


	32. Cloudcest because I'm pretty sure this used to be a thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud/Cloud...yup. Unfinished randomness.

By Kimmimaru

The bed hit the back of his knees and he collapsed backwards, glowing mako eyes wide as he reversed. He watched his 'other self' crawl onto the bed after him, one knee planted firmly on the soft mattress as he smirked down at him. "What's...what's going on?" Cloud asked in a hoarse voice as his other self chuckled softly and slid a hand slowly down the front of his worn First Class uniform. Cloud swallowed, eyes scanning the room as panic started to set in. His other self laughed again, pushing hair from his burning eyes and slowly beginning to undo his belt.

Cloud was speechless as he watched his other self strip off his uniform, tossing it casually to the floor and revealing a chest with a familiar scar right down the centre of his sternum. Cloud's lips parted but he had no time to speak again as the clone crawled onto the bed, topless and smiling. He was pinned. Trapped by strong arms as he stared up into his own face. The only difference were the eyes. Cloud's eyes were blue, this other...creatures were acidic green and oddly familiar. The clone leaned down and brushed Cloud's ear with his lips, drawing a shiver from him. "Just hold still, it'll be better for you that way." He drew back, scanning Cloud's face intently and running a bare hand down Cloud's face and neck, pausing at his collar bone to trail the ends of ragged nails over his skin. The clone tugged at Cloud's top, encouraging him to remove it. Cloud felt his hands move without his volition, he frowned as he unstrapped his belt and untucked his shirt from his pants. He arched his back as he slipped it over his head and tossed it to the floor along with the clones. Cloud swallowed nervously as he watched a hand, his own hand, move down his chest, pausing at the scar on his rib cage before moving slowly down his body to the top of his pants. "You look good like this; stretched out on the bed, ready for me." The clone smirked again, leaning down to brush their lips together. "I'm sure He would like to see you this way." 

"Wh-who?" Cloud managed to rasp, hissing a little as the clone slipped fingers into his trousers and took hold of his cock. His fingers were cold but also kind of pleasant. 

"You know who." The clone replied, pressing their lips together and kissing him gently.

"Voldemort?" Cloud frowned, the clone rolled his green eyes irritably.

"No."

"You mean...Sephir-"

"Shh." 

Cloud swallowed again, frowning as he turned his face away. "Get off." He growled, finally reaching up and trying to push his other self away from him. 

The clone laughed again, the sound harsh in the quiet bedroom and a little insane. "It's pointless. You know it is. Don't fight this, Cloud...you want it."

Cloud shuddered but gave up trying to prevent the inevitable, he felt the clone tighten his grip on his cock and groaned. He lifted his hand and pushed it into his hair, eyes narrowing as he arched his back into the pleasurable pressure. The doppelgänger ran a thumb over the wet tip of Cloud's aching cock, he used his other hand to unzip Cloud's fly and gently pulled down his trousers. "W-Wait..." Cloud gasped, holding up a hand and shifting onto his elbows. He brought his face close to the clones, a small frown creasing his brow. "Tell me...what's going on? Who are you?"

The clone threw his head back, laughing loudly as he continued to massage Cloud's cock in the exact same way he did when he masturbated. Cloud moaned, allowing his head to fall back. "You'll see." The clone said, shifting so that he moved down Cloud's body again and brought his lips level with his erection. He smirked up at Cloud before taking the head between his lips and running his tongue over the tip. Cloud huffed out a tiny breath and fell back against the pillows, he gave himself over to the intense pleasure and pushed one hand deep into the clones soft hair. Exactly like his own.


	33. Cloudcest v2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another Cloud/Cloud fic by Amy because we both wanted a go at this. Personally I feel mines better but then I'm just awesome that way (Lol, jking) I also added a bit of my own at the end, because Amy added this same thing to half of my stories...call it revenge.

by Amy =^_^=

Cloud could see nothing. He opened his eyes slowly, but again there was nothing. Where was he? He looked around into the expanse of blackness, trying in vain to find a landmark. He was unsure if his eyes had gone blurry, but objects started to morph from the darkness and form around him.

"Cloud..."  
Cloud turned around, looking for the voice that sounded just like his. There was no one there, nothing but his own reflection staring back at him. He sighed, rubbing his eyes and stared back at himself. Something was off though. The version of himself in the mirror wore the outfit of a First Class. Cloud looked himself up and down, he was in his infantry blues - what he always wore. He approached the mirror cautiously, stretching out a hand to touch the surface. His reflection followed suit, until he felt the leather of their gloves meet.  
"What?" Cloud was about to pull his hand away, but this reflection - if it could be called that - grabbed his wrist and with his strong arms, pulled him towards the mirror.

"You're safe now." The husky voice of this alternative Cloud whispered in his ear. Cloud felt an arm snake around his waist and pull him closer to the more-defined body, the hand releasing his wrist and possessively grabbing his hair. "No one can hurt you. I'll keep you safe." It whispered again, nuzzling its face into Cloud's neck, nipping lightly at the skin.

Cloud let out a soft whimper, wrapping his arms around the neck of himself that continued to nip and lick at his neck. "Why...what is this?" Cloud moved his head to the side, eyes half-closed as he gave the other better access. The other Cloud didn't respond to his question, he just continued his work on Cloud's neck, drawing the hand from Cloud's hair to whip off the scarf and make quick work of the shirt. His hand trailed from Cloud's waist down to his ass, gripping a cheek firmly, then easing his grasp. "I won't let them hurt you. I'll do this myself." It murmured into Cloud's collarbone.

Cloud's eyes glazed over as this other Cloud slowly removed his clothes until his infantry blues lay around his feet. The touches, kisses and places where those hands wandered felt exquisite on his skin - unsurprisingly, of course. This other self had to set massaging his shoulders as Cloud sat in his lap. He made small moans as the tension started to release. He leaned in, brushing his lips against the others just as soft mouth. "I don't know...why you're...do-doing this but," Cloud's breath hitched as the other Cloud lowered a hand down to his semi-hard cock. He hissed out a lengthy breath before continuing, "but please-ahh, just...just do what you need to. I ca-can't take this." Cloud's head rolled forward, resting on the others pauldron, his mouth open and panting heavily as the First Class stroked him harder and faster.

"Thank you." The First Class Cloud muttered as he pushed the naked Cloud down onto what was now velvety soft sheets. His head fell back into plump pillows, his arms resting either side of him as the clothed Cloud straddled his hips. "I'll keep you safe." He unstrapped the pauldron from his shoulder, throwing it to the side. Cloud pulled himself up, helping with the belt around his waist. It was a strange notion, knowing that he was going to see his own body reflected at him but not in a mirror. They both worked at the clothes until the First Class looked down at him. His body was more defined and evenly muscled. A scar sat in the middle of his chest - one that Cloud had never had. He ran his fingers lightly over the mark, the other wincing and grabbing his wrist. "I won't let it happen to you." He slowly lowered Cloud's hand and leaned in, running his tongue over the blossom-coloured lips before easing them open. 

The two lay entwined within the sheets, their naked bodies rubbing against each other as they rolled all over this seemingly never-ending mattress. Cloud groaned as he felt the heat in his groin prickle. His stomach felt damp and the scent of sweat, something that could only be described as earthy, and his own musk caught in his nose. The concoction was strange, but soothing. Cloud groaned into the others mouth, bucking and grinding his hips. "I need you."  
"Will you?" The reflection pulled away, and held his erection in his hand. Just like Cloud, his face was flushed; beads of sweat on his brow and lips swollen from the kissing. Cloud nodded, pushing the other back into the soft sheets and took the tip straight into his mouth.

The First Class made an unholy groan as he ran his hand through the feather-soft hair. He balled up his fist as he hissed and panted out Cloud's name as the infantryman licked, nipped and massaged his erection.

AND THEN GENESIS CAME IN ON A WRECKING BALL NAKED


	34. Because It's Canon That Cloud's A Numpty And Has Never Seen Raw Vegetables (Trust me, check out the 'On The Way To A Smile' stories on Lifestream.net)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is silly but I'm not sorry. Cloud is an idiot.

By Kimmimaru

Cloud stared at the weird purple thing for a long time. It was strangely shaped and had a little green stalk sticking from one end. He reached out and picked it up, looking down at the list Tifa had given him. He was supposed to be buying some food for the bar but he had been too embarrassed to admit that he actually had no idea what half the vegetables she had listed looked like. He had only ever seen them cooked and this market had only fresh veg on sale. He shifted, feeling horribly awkward as he stared at the purple thing. It was very pretty and had nice smooth skin, he stroked it before realising how weird he must look and quickly put it back. He felt heat in his cheeks as he saw the stall holder staring at him curiously, he turned away. He checked the list again;

Fifteen cloves of garlic

Twenty Aubergines

Fifty carrots

Two bags of white onions, one bag of red

Six broccoli

Same amount of Cauliflower

Butter beans

String beans...

It went on for nearly three pages and at the end was a little smiley face. Cloud sighed, rubbing the back of his neck as he moved down the stall, looking at everything and finally spotting something he actually recognised. They were orange and he knew carrots were orange. Excitedly he turned to the stall holder. "Can I get fifty carrots?" He asked and pointed to the orange vegetables.

"Sir, they're...er...not carrots." The man said slowly, acting as if Cloud was obviously mentally challenged. He smiled patronisingly. "They're oranges."

Cloud blinked and looked at them, they were round and he remembered seeing round carrots in his mom's stews. "But..."

"Here, let me take a look at that list, son." The man said kindly and held out his hand, Cloud made a face and reluctantly handed it over. "I see. Yup. Hmm. I can only give you one bag of white onions, we're running pretty low..." He looked up at Cloud who shrugged. "Ok, then please wait here while I get the things for you."

Cloud returned to the bar carrying heavy bags full of vegetables. He went into the kitchen and dumped them on the table, presenting them to Tifa. "The guy at the market said he only had one bag of the round brown things..." He trailed off as Tifa raised her eyebrows.

"Onions?"

"Yeah. Those." He nodded and handed her a bag, she looked into it and sighed.

"Cloud, these are squashes."

"What?!" Cloud looked into the bag and found several round things, they looked different from what he knew cooked onions looked like. "I...I just..."

"Cloud, do you even know what vegetables look like?" She asked, looking at him with laughter in her eyes.

"Fuck off, Tifa." Cloud grumbled, throwing a purple thing at her. She caught it and smiled deviously.

"You really have no idea, do you?" She laughed, holding out the purple vegetable for him to see. "This is an Aubergine. It's purple and shiny-"

"And soft." Cloud nodded, looking at her with wide blue eyes. He looked so much like a kid Tifa doubled over in stitches.

"You...you stroked an aubergine? Oh Cloud..." She wiped at her eyes, still chuckling as she moved to the bags and began getting out each vegetable and telling him what they were. She had known that Cloud's upbringing had been pretty old fashioned, his mother had likely done all his cooking, cleaning and everything else but she had never expected him not to have known what vegetables looked like. It was strange and highly amusing as she watched him squirm in embarrassment every time she mentioned it. She had a sudden sinking feeling in her gut as she realised that Cloud likely expected her to be 'house wife', even though she had a job in the bar. She groaned to herself and put a hand to her head. If he'd never seen a vegetable, he had never cooked before. She decided she was going to teach him, even if it took the rest of their damned lives. She was not going to be stuck in a gods damned kitchen.


	35. Genesis Finally Gets One Up On Sephiroth When He Discovers His Only Weakness (Set when they're teenagers...So essentially they're still kids)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Non-graphic Genesis/Sephiroth!

By Kimmimaru

Genesis flew at Sephiroth, sword raised high above his head. Sephiroth's damned smirk was on his face as he sidestepped, whipping around and blocking the blow in one smooth move. He chuckled and Genesis growled furiously, grinding his teeth and he leapt straight back into action. Angeal watched and sighed as his friends fought, he leaned against a holographic tree and yawned. He saw Sephiroth's feet moving, almost like a dance as he turned and circled behind Genesis, giving him a sharp slap on the backside with the flat of his blade. Genesis swore violently and Sephiroth answered him with another laugh. Angeal rolled his eyes, pushing himself away from the tree. He caught up his practice sword and aimed it carefully. He watched Sephiroth's boots, skipping backwards as he dodged Genesis' rapid blows and grinned to himself before throwing his sword at Sephiroth's feet.

Sephiroth gasped, eyes widening as he tripped backwards. Angeal's sword tangled in his feet and he fell with a grunt, wincing as the shock sent pain up through his back.

"One for Banora!" Genesis cried in jubilation, turning to Angeal who smiled at him. "Team work, Angeal." He gave his friend a sharp clap on the back before turning his eyes to his downed opponent.

Sephiroth was just catching his breath, he opened his eyes to look up into his friends faces. He frowned irritably at them. "That was cheating and you know it."

Angeal shrugged. "It was a perfectly valid move. If we are in a battle and I'm too far away to help Genesis, or even you, I would do the same. Here, let me help you up." He held out his hand and Sephiroth grasped it but before Angeal could pull him up, Sephiroth yanked him so that he fell forwards. Angeal swore and struggled back to his knees, glaring down into Sephiroth's face. Sephiroth smirked, grabbed Angeal's uniform in both fists and used his weight to roll them both over so that he was on top. He grabbed a knife he kept inside his boot and brought it to Angeal's throat, grabbing a handful of his hair to expose his neck. They grinned at each other. He didn't notice Genesis slide up behind him, or his hands as he slipped them underneath his arms.

"Tickle, tickle." Genesis whispered into Sephiroth's ear as he wiggled his fingers against Sephiroth's sides. 

The reaction was so sudden and so extreme Angeal almost got his throat slit by accident. Sephiroth jerked, head falling backwards and a stupid, unmanly giggle escaping him. The knife dropped from his hands and he rolled away from them, curling into a ball and stifling the humiliating sound with his hand. The other two gaped at him in shock. Genesis' eyes lit up, a grin spreading across his face as he dived for Sephiroth once more. Sephiroth tried to defend himself but he was so ticklish he was rendered helpless with laughter. Tears sprung to his eyes as he tried and failed to buck Genesis off of him, he tried to grab his friends hands but they wouldn't stop. He giggled, sputtered, made weird noises and tried to get the torture to stop but failed each and every time. "Finally!" Genesis hissed in glee. "I know your weakness, Sephiroth!"

"N-No..." Sephiroth sputtered, tears sliding down his face as Genesis attacked his ribs without mercy. Somehow the bastard had got his coat open and was now sliding his hands over his bare sides. "G-Gods...G-Gen-Genesis...S-Stop!" He choked on another weak giggle. 

Angeal laughed at the sight of Sephiroth rolling on the fake grass, laughing hysterically. It actually made him look human. He brought out his PHS and took a quick picture, a reminder that inside that cold outer shell was a man. "If the enemy were to discover this we'd all be doomed." He said and Sephiroth cursed loudly, finally lifting a fist and punching Genesis in the face.

Genesis fell back, covering his nose as blood poured between his gloved fingers. "You shit!" He gasped, getting a mouthful of blood and spitting it to the floor.

Sephiroth sat up, his hair a beautifully tangled mess around his head. He frowned, panting heavily as he started to run his fingers through it to untangle the silver strands. "You deserve that." He replied coolly.

"I had no idea the great Silver General was ticklish." Angeal commented, grinning as Sephiroth turned furious eyes on him. His cheeks were flushed, his eyes sparkling with unshed tears of mirth.

"Neither did he." Sephiroth replied, rising to his feet smoothly. "It seems that I am at a disadvantage now."

Genesis cursed and grumbled to himself, a soft green glow surrounding him as he used cure to heal his nose. When he was done he stood up and used a tissue Angeal gave him to clean the blood off of his face. "You could have broken my nose!" He snapped at Sephiroth angrily.

"It would be an improvement." Sephiroth replied, buttoning up his coat and standing straight. 

Genesis flushed. "You think you're so great, don't you? Well, when your fanclub find out that their precious General acts like a fool whenever someone tickles him-"

Sephiroth moved with such speed Angeal almost missed it. One moment he was a foot away, the next he had slammed Genesis into the wall so hard his head hit the control panel. Sparks hissed around them, the hologram flickered and died. "If you dare tell anyone about this I will not hesitate to gut you like the arrogant pig you are." He growled, one arm over Genesis' throat. Genesis managed to grin, despite the fact he was having difficulty breathing. 

The tension mounted until Angeal felt the need to break it up but, before he could do so much as speak, Genesis had grabbed a handful of Sephiroth's hair and dragged him to his lips. Angeal's mouth opened in shock. He blinked a few times, in the hopes he was dreaming. Maybe it was a nightmare and he would wake up but no. Sephiroth kissed him back hard, teeth biting into Genesis' lip as he pulled away with a low, threatening growl. "You're such a pathetic coward." Genesis hissed, eyes narrowed into two dangerous slits as Sephiroth released his throat and wrapped an arm around his waist. "You act all high and mighty, but the second someone dares to rip away those stupid masks you wear you act as if you've been fatally wounded."

"Shut up. You prissy little ass." Sephiroth growled, kissing Genesis again. Angeal saw their tongues between their open mouths and decided to make a tactical retreat. He knew when he wasn't needed and if he stayed things would likely get dangerous.

"Me? Prissy?!" Genesis snorted derisively, pushing himself forward and making Sephiroth back up a few paces. "Your ego is so huge it eclipses the fucking moon!" He grabbed Sephiroth's hair and pulled it harshly, making him wince.

"Don't touch my hair, you prick!" Sephiroth grabbed him and slammed him back against the wall. "You have an ego equal to mine, so don't talk shit." He muttered into Genesis' mouth as they kissed again, breathing heavily as they pressed their hips against each other.

XXX

"Oh dear Gaia." Hojo sighed as he saw the state Sephiroth was in. He shook his head. "Have you been with that Genesis creature again?" 

"That, is none of your business, Hojo. Just give me the damned medication so I can leave." Sephiroth said and shifted a little, he hid the wince as his back twinged. He was covered in scratches, bite marks and dark bruises but he smiled when he thought about the man who had made them. He loved to hate Genesis.

Hollander observed Genesis with a frown. He was standing rather stiffly, chest exposed and revealing some rather impressive wounds. Not one of them was made by a blade.

"Did you get into a fight with a cat?" He asked as he walked over to a cabinet and withdrew a bottle of disinfectant and a swab. 

Genesis smirked, sitting gingerly on the examination table and crossing one leg over the other. "You could say that." He purred and his smile grew. 

Hollander sighed and set to cleaning Genesis' scratches. He thought the deep bite mark on his shoulder looked suspiciously like human teeth but didn't say anything. What his experiment did in its free time was none of his business.


	36. What If Cid And Shera Noticed That Their Swear Words Were Being Censored?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cid and Shera are a wonderful couple...I will have no badmouthing them. They're made in heaven...although Shera obviously can't make tea to save her life, poor thing.

By Kimmimaru

"God damn %&*^$£' piece o' !^"%!" Cid swore loudly, kicking at the engine that rested on the floor of his workshop angrily.

"What did you just say?" Shera looked at him, she stood in the door holding two cups of tea in her hands. She frowned.

"I said; God damn %&*^$£' piece o' !^"%!" He said again and blinked. He looked up and saw his speech square and the strange symbols that scrambled his swearing into nonsense. "What the hell? Where did this *&%$ come from? Wha's it doin'?" he reached up and tried to grab the blue square hanging by his head but couldn't reach it. He scratched his head and put a hand on his hip. "Shera? Get me that god damned ladder!" 

Shera nodded and left the room, frowning a little in concern. She wasn't sure if she was dreaming or what but those blue boxes of speech concerned her. She returned holding a step ladder and handed it to Cid who set it up and climbed it. He poked the box curiously, wincing a little as if he expected it to explode. Carefully he slipped a wrench out from his tool belt and tapped it, it wobbled but didn't do much else. "What is it, Cid?" Shera asked nervously, putting a hand to her mouth.

"Dunno." Cid replied, biting down on the cigarette between his teeth. "It looks kinda like a cartoon speech box...We in a cartoon, Shera?" He asked.

"No. Not that I'm aware of."

"Huh. Well, it ain't lettin' me swear so it gotta go." He smacked the thing with his wrench again and watched it wobble. "&^*$ing stupid blue-ass..." He froze, eyes narrowing suspiciously. "Shera?!"

"Y-Yes?"

"It just let me say 'ass'..."

"Did it?"

"Yeah." Cid scratched at his chin and looked around the back of the blue square. It was flat like paper. "Weird."

"Cid?" Shera looked at him with wide eyes.

"What is it, woman?!" Cid snapped angrily.

"Um...have you ever noticed that you kind of look like you're made of lego?"

"What?!" Cid let go of the ladder and inspected himself, he cried out loudly and fell backwards. "^&%*")(£^$("("*!!!!" He said as he hit the floor. "Ow!"

"Cid!" Shera ran to his side and fell to her knees as the old pilot sat up groggily.

"I do look like a ^&*£in' lego man!"

"I wonder what's going on? Why didn't we notice this? You don't even have a mouth!" Shera put her hands over the place her mouth should have been and cried out silently. "Cid, I think we're stuck in some alternate universe where-Cid?" She watched as Cid stood up and walked slowly towards the ladder, his eyes on the ceiling. Except...there was no ceiling. Just a great clear screen that looked out on a strange world beyond. A world where people weren't lego people.

"Maybe space ain't the last place man has left to explore..." Cid considered thoughtfully. "If I can get up there, I could go-"

"No! Cid, please! It's too dangerous, we don't know what's out there! Look, everything's...everything's all three dimensional!"

"Pah, don't get your knickers in a twist." Cid grumbled, planting both hands on his hips and looking up through the clear glass. "Sometimes a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do! Women ain't gunna understand, your minds are all...all full up o' cookin' an' &*^%."

Shera frowned and folded her arms across her chest. "Fine. Go."

"What?" Cid looked at her and blinked.

Shera shrugged. "Go. Go and get eaten by giant three dimensional monsters. I don't care you sexist &^*%."


	37. Cait Sith Is A Dick And I Want To Kill Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so this story begins when I receive my first PS1...FF7 has been out a little while now and I'm old enough to play it (Well...not really but I do anyway). I begin the best adventure of my young life only to reach the Gold Saucer and find myself confronted by this...thing. Is it a bear? Is it a Cat? Is it Barrett in a sailor outfit? I don't know but when It joins my team (giving me no choice) it begins a life-long grudge against this fucking cat and its useless fucking megaphone!

By Kimmimaru

"Och, what're ya doin' Cloudo?!"

Cloud flinched as the robotic cat leapt onto his desk and promptly started to knock things off of it. He watched as pencils were sent flying across the floor, papers scattered and the damned cat started to lie down right on top of his laptop. "Get off you stupid pest!" Cloud grabbed the cat by the scruff of its neck and lobbed it towards the door.

"Noooo! I doon' wanna die!" It yowled as it hit the wall and fell down it.

"I don't care! Go bug someone else, I'm working!"

Cait Sith hung its head and shuffled out the door. "All right, I know when I'm not wanted." He sighed and Cloud started to pick up the stuff the stupid cat had tossed everywhere.

XXX

Vincent rarely spent much time in Edge but he had wanted to see Cloud and Tifa so he had dropped by. He sat at the bar while Tifa was out back getting new stock to fill the barrels. He took a sip of his drink and heard a soft meow. He looked down to see Cait Sith sitting by his foot. "Go away." He said sharply, not wanting the cat around. 

"Och, I only wan'ed ta..."

"No."

"But-"

"No."

"I-"

"No!" Vincent pulled his gun and without looking at Cait, he shot it in the head. Stuffing exploded everywhere and Vincent smirked as he twirled his gun around a finger and returned it to its holster on his leg. He sighed and took another sip of his drink.

"What was that noise?" Tifa asked as she emerged carrying a huge barrel.

"Nothing." Vincent muttered, kicking the corpse of the animal underneath the seat beside him.

"It sounded like gun fire."

"I was merely venting some frustration." Vincent smiled and Tifa shrugged.

"Ok."

"Good afternoooon!" Cait leapt from the ceiling fan, landing directly in Vincent's lap. Vincent cursed and stood up, drawing his gun and putting another bullet in the stupid things head. 

Tifa blinked at the body of Cait. "How many is that now?"

"I lost count at a hundred and six." Vincent admitted. "They're like rats, they keep coming back."

Tifa sighed. "Unfortunately there isn't an exterminator that exists that gets rid of Cait Sith's." 

There was the sound of metal claws on wood but this time the damned cat didn't even have time to yowl. Vincent's gun was in his hand and it was dead before it had got a foot closer to the bar. It lay there, smoking a little and twitching by the door.

"What's all the racket?" Cloud asked, entering the bar and gazing around curiously. He spotted the cats and nodded to himself. "Ah. Yeah, I thought I'd got rid of them all but they're as bad as roaches."

"Hm." Vincent agreed.

"Aw, no one loves Cait." The cat said from where it sat on top of the bar. Cloud moved, he grabbed the thing by its head and crushed it before flinging the body away.

"No. No one loves Cait." Cloud agreed, striding around the bar and grabbing himself a beer, he popped the top and sipped.

Cait continued to appear in random places throughout the day until there was quite a sizeable pile of furry corpses in the bar. Finally just as Vincent shot his fiftieth Cait the door slammed open and revealed Reeve looking very pissed off. "Will you stop killing me!" He shouted, his hair was a mess and he had burn marks on his face, his beard was missing in some areas as if he had been electrocuted. He reeked of ozone and his hair was standing on end. "Every time one dies I get shocked!"

"Stop sending the damned cats then." Vincent grumbled.

"I don't control them! They have lives of their own-Oh gods! Look at them!" He shrieked, putting his hands in his hair in despair as he saw the pile of cats. "How many?!" He asked, voice almost bordering on a screech. "How many?!!"

"I lost count." Cloud replied.

"Ahhh! My poor babies!" He fell to his knees beside the dead Cait's and hugged one to his chest. "Daddy will fix you. He promises. Poor little things, you've all got boo boo's."

The three others in the bar exchanged looks. "He's the guy running the WRO? We're in trouble." Cloud muttered in a low voice and smirked.

"They're just robot's Reeve, no one cares."

Reeve looked up at Vincent, tears in his eyes. "They're not just robots! They're my children! My ickle baby-pussy-wussies!" He broke into hysterical sobs.

"I think he's taken on too much. Lost his mind. I thought I was insane." Cloud shook his head, sipping his beer, he looked over into the empty corner of the room. "Sephiroth tells me I'm not but we can't believe him, he's not all there himself."

Vincent and Tifa exchanged looks. "Reeve isn't the only one who has lost his mind."

"Hm. I'm surrounded by the insane." Tifa sighed and shook her head.


	38. FF7 and Fanfiction: What if they read it?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Literally just Cloud and Vincent reading Fanfiction and Aerith is blatantly the BIGGEST Clack shipper and no one is going to tell me otherwise. (Do I ship Zerith? Yes. Do I ship Cloti? Yes. I ship all the characters in one giant orgy. Because I can.)

By Kimmimaru

"What're you doing?" Cloud asked as he leaned over the back of the office chair and peered at the screen of Vincent's laptop.

"I have discovered an interesting site." He said slowly, frowning a little as he tapped at the keys. "There are people who have written stories about us."

"Us? You and me?"

"Sometimes...but there's stories about all of us here." He pointed at the screen with his gauntleted hand. "It is called 'Fanfiction dot net'."

"Huh? Really?" Cloud leaned in and frowned. "There's stuff about me and Sephiroth?" He arched an eyebrow.

"Yes. And many others. They're called 'pairings'."

"What does that mean?"

"It appears that some people have...fantasies...about some of us in rather inappropriate situations."

"Riiight..." Cloud reached over Vincent and clicked on one of the stories, he read a little of it and cringed. "What the hell is Sephiroth doing to me?!" He exclaimed in horror. 

"It appears he is having anal sex with you." Vincent smirked.

"But why?! I always kinda thought Sephiroth was asexual..."

Vincent shrugged. "They are sexual fantasies, Cloud."

"Yeah. Right." Cloud sighed as Vincent opened another story. "Who's that?"

"Me and..." He read the pairing and his eyes widened in horror. "Cid! What is he doing to me?! No! Get off! Stop that!" He clicked the back button and shuddered violently, hands gripping the desk tightly. "That is disgusting!"

Cloud laughed. "I wanna read that!"

"No." Vincent growled, giving Cloud a glare. 

"Oh come on, you've read that one about me and Sephiroth!"

"I don't care." Vincent sniffed and found another story. "They even pair me with Yuffie?! She's a child! That is sick!"

Cloud snorted. "Well, they're only sexual fantasies, Vince."

"Shut up or I'll shoot you." Vincent grumbled. "Ah-hah! You and Zack are a popular pairing. It appears that the tragedy of your story appeals to many."

"What? But Zack was my friend...ew." Cloud made a face of disgust. 

"It even has its own name; Clack."

"Clack? Like...the noise?" Cloud frowned.

"It is an amalgamation of your names."

"So what's yours and Cid's?" Cloud smirked. "Cidcent?"

"Go away."

"Nope." Cloud sniggered and leaned over the desk again. "Tifa and Aerith? Ok, now I'm interested." He clicked on the story and started reading, a soft flush staining his cheeks. "Hmm...I might remember this for later." He muttered to himself.

"Enough." Vincent clicked on another story and Cloud whined. "Shut up, you had your turn." He muttered. "What is...ASGCZ?" He wondered curiously and clicked on the link. "Oh, I see. It appears people also pair you with Angeal, Genesis, Sephiroth and Zack as well. By the looks of things you're quite the little slut."

"Hey! Don't be a dick, Vince." Cloud grumbled sulkily. "Hey, who's that author?"

"Hm? Clack-lover-2000?" Vincent clicked on the link and they read the profile of the person. 

Female, age twenty two, extra awesome Cetra! I can talk to the planet and shit. Anyway, I'm a massive Clack shipper...they're my OTP. It's pretty much all I write...except maybe a bit of Clerith and sometimes Zerith because...you know, I have to mix it up a bit. Tee hee.

"AERITH!" Cloud exclaimed loudly, making Vincent wince at the volume of his voice. "That dirty little...Oh my gods! She's written hundreds!"

"She seems to be quite into the pairing." Vincent commented in amusement at Cloud's reaction. "She dated you both so it's perfectly understandable."

"No! No! Zack was my friend! We didn't...we never..." Cloud flushed and cleared his throat, frowning a little as he avoided Vincent's eyes. 

"You did...didn't you?" Vincent smirked deviously. 

"No."

"I can see it in your face. You had sexual experiences with Zack Fair."

"No I did not."

Vincent started to chuckle. "This is gold. Aerith would die if she knew."

"Don't you dare tell her!" Cloud's eyes widened.

"Oh? I thought you didn't do anything with him?"

"Fuck off! You tricked me!"


	39. A war between SOLDIER and the Turks? Bad news for ShinRa.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PRANK WARRRRRR! Who doesn't love a prank war? There's no smut, just humour. :)

By Kimmimaru

It was war. Lazard and Veld had no idea how it had started or how they could end it. ShinRa was overtaken by chaos and they were helpless to stop it. Tseng had, at first, been unaware of the impending storm that would take over the building until Reno stormed into the Turks offices with badly dyed green hair. Cissnei had laughed so hard she almost spat her coffee over her keyboard, Rude turned away, rubbing at his eyes as he bent double in silent giggles. Reno was furious. "You look like a holiday decoration." Tseng observed, lips twitching in a smirk as Reno slammed his half-empty mug onto his desk and glared at him.

"Fuck you." He growled.

"How on earth did it happen and is it permanent? You cannot do any missions that involve stealth until that outrageous colour is gone." Tseng replied, choosing to ignore Reno's choice of words and offensive address.

"Yeah, yeah. I got ya, yo." Reno sighed, running fingers through his weird red and green patched hair and glaring over at Cissnei who was now crying openly with hysterical laughter. "Laugh it up, yo. I'll show 'im not to fuck with me." He added in a grumble.

"Who was it?" Rude managed to ask through a bout of hiccoughs.

"That stupid little shit, Zack Fair." Reno snapped. "All I did was trip him up in the hall in front o' some girls he was chattin' up, yo an' now I look like a radioactive elf."

Tseng smirked again, covering his mouth with one hand as he tried to prevent the giggles from escaping. "...I would avoid bumping into V-Veld for a while..." His voice broke and he turned away, laughing as he returned to his office. Little did he know that Reno intended to begin a war.

XXX

Zack grinned happily as he strode confidently down the halls of the SOLDIER floor, no one had seen Reno for weeks so obviously his revenge had worked. Getting into the Turks' high security apartment had been incredibly difficult but with his friend Kunsel's help he had done it and swapped his red hair dye for the most offensive shade he could find. It would teach him to humiliate him. As he found the locker rooms he heard a terrible scream and kicked the door in as he leapt through, drawing his sword as he did so. His eyes widened as he found himself staring down at Genesis who was covering his face with both hands and rolling around on the floor naked. "Huh? Wha-?" Zack didn't have time to respond though as a strange, wet dragging noise alerted him to the fact that they were not alone. He watched in mute horror as one of the ugliest creatures Zack had ever seen slid around the corner. "Ew!" He exclaimed, holding his sword in a ready stance. 

"Fucking Hojo and his fucking experiments!" Genesis growled, climbing unsteadily to his feet. His face was red and his eyes seemed to be watering.

"Genesis? What happened?" Zack asked urgently.

"I was showering and when I came to the locker rooms I realised I'd run out of shower gel so I was going to borrow some of yours but...but this thing...was hiding in your locker! It spat at me!"

"Why the hell was one of Hojo's gross experiments hiding in my locker?" Zack asked but after a moment answered himself. "Fucking Reno." He sighed heavily as the monster took its time investigating a disgusting pair of gym socks that looked like they had been there for a while. 

"Oh gods...is it eating those socks?" Genesis hissed as he backed away, weaponless and horribly exposed to the ugly creatures acidic saliva. "Did you say Reno?" He paused and narrowed his eyes at Zack. 

"Uh...yeah...I kinda pranked him and I think this is his revenge. The Turks are the only people, apart from Hojo who have access to these weird experiments, right?"

"That's true." Genesis considered the monster before him. "I will gut that red headed prick like a rotted fish." He muttered darkly and snatched Zack's sword from his hands. "After I kill this thing. It's already ruined my favourite jacket."

Zack stepped back and let Genesis deal with the creature, the man was terrifying at the best of times so he decided it would be diplomatic to allow him to vent his anger on a monster rather than himself.

XXX

Rude lowered himself into his seat with a heavy sigh, glad to be sat down after a long, long day on his feet guarding the President. He leaned back and took a deep sip of his coffee, it was perfect; black with no sugar. The bitter liquid soothed his throat and made him relax before he cleared his throat and turned on his computer. He had to get the daily report done and e-mailed to Tseng before he clocked out for the evening. As he was waiting for his computer to boot up he reached to one of his draws where he kept a pen, he was going to leave Reno a note reminding him that it was Cissnei's birthday next week and they had to go shopping to find her a present. He could text or e-mail him but Reno rarely paid much attention to his phone unless it was a phone call and Rude didn't want to take the risk of Cissnei discovering their surprise party. As the draw opened there was a strange clicking noise, at the same time the door to the offices opened and a sulky looking Reno entered. There was a split second where Reno was about to greet Rude before the draw exploded. Feathers, glitter and confetti shot into the air along with copious amounts of glue like thin white streamers. Reno's eyes widened as he gaped at his partner. "Yo...you look like you had an orgy with Clowns..." He muttered, blinking in shock before a grin cracked his face and he began to laugh.

Rude grunted and frowned at Reno's reaction, he stood up and grabbed a mirror from Reno's desk and gazed at his reflection. He did look as if he'd just fucked a bunch of Clowns who came glitter, feathers and confetti. He growled and turned back to his draw, he yanked it open to reveal a large picture of Genesis Rhapsodos grinning smugly along with a small note in very neat writing;

I do hope you enjoy the present. Be thankful the Puppy told me not to rig your draw with acid. Thanks for the near-facial disfigurement, Red. All my love, G.R.

Rude turned on his partner who saw him crumple the signed picture of Genesis in one huge fist. "He will pay." He grumbled and Reno's grin turned sadistic.

XXX

Genesis heard the three sharp knocks on his apartment door and sighed heavily, he set aside his book and got up as he sauntered to the door and opened it. "Angeal, what a pleasant surprise. I thought you were out on a-oh." Genesis looked his friend up and down slowly. "Mission go bad?" He asked, opening the door and allowing Angeal to step into the room.

"You could say that. The monsters seemed to decide that I would make a lovely target for their innards." He muttered morosely as he plucked at his soaked uniform. Genesis wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Can I borrow one of your tops? Its only until I can get my uniforms cleaned."

"They got all three?!" Genesis exclaimed.

"Yeah, well...they invaded our camp and trampled the tents." Angeal sighed and shook his head. "I have to report to Lazard for a briefing in fifteen minutes and I don't have time to wash my clothes."

"Sure, you can borrow one of my tops. Wait here and please don't touch anything."

Later Lazard sat at his desk, watching Angeal talk about the mission but there was something off about him. He seemed highly uncomfortable, his voice was harsh and he was beginning to get a slightly reddish tint to his neck and cheeks. "Angeal, are you all right?" Lazard asked finally as the man began shifting regularly, Angeal was never one to fidget. 

"No...not really...I'm coming over a bit strange..." Angeal muttered and winced, he reached into his top and began scratching his chest. "Really itchy." He grumbled, shifting again and wincing. "Really, really itchy."

"Perhaps you should go to the Medical Ward? Maybe you're suffering from an allergic reaction to something in the monsters blood?" 

"Hm." Angeal grunted and suddenly ripped off the top, sliding it over his head with a sigh of relief. Lazard hissed air through his teeth and his eyes widened behind his glasses. Angeal's broad chest was covered in vicious red wheels, his skin looked as if it had blistered and he was sweating profusely. 

"That looks like no reaction I've ever seen. Get down to the Medical Ward immediately, this is an order. Get yourself seen to."

"Think I'll go...." Angeal grunted and began walking awkwardly towards the door, his fingers scratching bloody lines into his skin.

Genesis found Angeal in the hospital, he was being examined by a doctor who was frowning at some horrible looking marks covering Angeal's back. "This is highly unusual. I don't see how this was caused by any sort of monster venom...it doesn't resemble any reaction I've ever seen." The doctor said as he turned around and Genesis recognised Hollander.

"What's wrong with him?" Genesis asked, causing Hollander to look at him.

"It looks like itching powder." The man said and shook his head in confusion. "A childish prank."

"Prank..." Genesis looked at Angeal's back and saw that the blisters formed words; Red Leather Slut. "Turks!" He hissed and saw Angeal look at him with a dark glower over his shoulder.

"Turks?"

Slowly Genesis began to explain what was occurring and Angeal smirked in a way that reminded Genesis eerily of Sephiroth. He had never seen Angeal look like that before but he sort of enjoyed the expression. "Payback?" Angeal said with an arched eyebrow and Genesis grinned in response.

XXX  
The loud warking should have alerted him that something was wrong but he was too busy trying to send an important e-mail from his phone as he pushed open the office door. He had enough time to look up before something loud and green collided with his legs and sent him flying. Tseng hit the floor and rolled smoothly, rising into a crouch and drawing his gun. He looked around with narrowed eyes and took in the devastation. His office was a total wreck. He had half chewed papers scattered over the floor, his curtains had been ruined by a sharp beak and his desk was covered in green feathers and bird shit. "RENO!" Tseng shouted, assuming he had something to do with this.

"Wha' boss? Oh." Reno appeared at the door and gaped at the devastation. "What the hell happened, yo?" He saw Tseng with his gun in hand and drew his own with a serious frown. "Intruder?" He asked sharply, becoming instantly professional.

"In a way." Tseng replied, deciding that Reno couldn't have anything to do with this invasion, he looked too surprised at the mess. "But not a human intruder." He indicated the mess of droppings on his desk and Reno wrinkled his nose.

"Chocobo?" Reno reached down, returning his gun to its holster as he picked up a green feather from the floor.

"It would appear so. Only a young one, however. No one could have got a full sized adult up here without being noticed." Tseng glared at his ruined paper work. "Do you have any idea who could have done this?"

Reno sighed heavily and nodded. "SOLDIER, yo."

Tseng looked at him sharply, eyes narrowed. "Bring me that infernal bird and have it killed. I will be having Chocobo curry tonight." He growled and stormed out of the door. "And have someone clear this mess up before I get back!"

"Woah...hey, boss...!" Reno turned around and watched Tseng stalking away. "SOLDIER's fucked, yo." He sighed and looked back at the mess with another heavy sigh, he pouted miserably. "I better be gettin' overtime, yo." He muttered and rolled up his sleeves, when Tseng said 'someone' he usually meant 'Reno'.

XXX

Lazard couldn't believe it. He stared at the over crowded hospital beds with wide, disbelieving eyes. Every bed was taken. Every single SOLDIER, from Third Class up was lying down, either on the floor or in a bed, groaning and glowing a faint greenish colour. He saw Zack Fair sweating in a bed of his own, curled into a tight ball as a nurse hovered around him nervously. Angeal was slumped against a wall, an arm wrapped around his stomach while Genesis lay at his side, swearing repeatedly under his breath. However, the sight that made him most nervous was of Sephiroth himself lying in a bed slightly apart from the others, his face drawn and haggard looking and his eyes closed as if he was unconscious. "What in the Goddesses name happened here?!" Lazard finally exclaimed. 

"It looks like someone poisoned the store of food reserved for SOLDIER." A doctor said nearby as he frowned distractedly at his clipboard. 

"Even Sephiroth?!" Lazard asked sharply.

"Even Sephiroth." The doctor agreed.

"I am never eating anything Genesis feeds me again." The man groaned from his bed, wincing as he cracked open an eye.

"Shut up, boy or I will have you moved down to the labs." Hojo muttered from where he was half hidden in the shadows. Lazard started a little, he hadn't noticed the crazy scientist until now.

Lazard watched in horror as Zack threw up into a kidney shaped bowl held by a tired looking nurse. Genesis groaned and whinged and Angeal nudged him weakly in the side. "Shut up." He groaned and leaned his head back against the wall.

"This is ridiculous!" Lazard snapped, talking mostly to himself. "We cannot afford to have our men so incapacitated, what if something big happens? I'm going to talk to the president about protecting the food stores more vigilantly." He turned on his heel but before he could move he spotted a group of dark suited men hovering around the door way. 

Reno grinned as he watched the chaos with bright, eager eyes. "Nice one, boss."

Tseng made a soft noise of satisfaction as he saw Lazard storming over to them. Tseng was far from intimidated. "May I help you Director?" He asked smoothly, meeting Lazard's stare without flinching.

"What is the meaning of this?" Lazard demanded. He had heard rumours of the escalating pranks between the Turks and the SOLDIERs but he had never expected them to affect every member like this. 

"Meaning to what, sir?" Tseng replied, smiling blandly at the building rage in Lazard's face.

"This!" Lazard waved a hand towards the packed medical ward. "Why are my men all sick?"

"I have no idea, sir. Perhaps they all ate something bad, sir?" Tseng lied easily, enjoying the mounting frustration on Lazard's normally calm face.

"If I hear one rumour that you were somehow involved, Tseng, I will ensure that this goes to your boss."

"Of course sir. I would never dream to impose upon your department. That would be discourteous."

Lazard managed a growl and stalked off, Tseng's eyes glued to him until he turned a corner.


	40. Baby Firsts! A Look Into The Childhood's Of Genesis, Angeal and Sephiroth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to write a bit about some headcanon's I have about Sephiroth's, Genesis' and Angeal's upbringing...I hope you enjoy. It's rather angsty but I go through phases with angst and rarely write fluff unless there's porn in it. Sorry folks. Most of it is based on canonical information, especially their ages.

By Kimmimaru

Under The Apple Tree:

 

"He's too smart."

"What on earth do you mean, honey?"

"I..." Genesis paused as he heard his parents voices, he frowned and edged closer to the door. "I don't know." His mother sighed. "But do you remember when we first met that...doctor? He said he might grow up strange but I didn't think it would be like this. He's written that essay on that play LOVELESS and it's as if it's written by an adult. He's eight, Reg! Eight! He shouldn't be so intelligent."

Genesis heard his father shifting uncomfortably. "I know." He said quietly. "The other day he climbed out of his window and I saw him balancing on the top of the roof...you know, where it reaches a point? I don't know many human adults who have that kind of balance, let alone children."

"Perhaps we should speak to Hollander again? Maybe he could give us answers."

"Hm. His tutors all say he's got the mind of a scholar."

"He needs to make more friends." His mother said abruptly. "Normal friends. Not that Angeal, he's always been a bit strange too."

"Ah yes. The boy who's strong enough to lift apple carts right off of injured men." Genesis could almost see his father shaking his head. "A thirteen year old should not have that much strength."

Genesis turned away, unwilling to hear anymore. He walked to the front door but froze when he sensed eyes on him.

"Genesis, where are you going?"

Genesis paused at the door of the mansion, looking back to see his father's head peering out of the drawing room. "Out." He said warily, shifting his feet and smiling innocently.

"Well, please be home by dinner time. The cook is making your favourite."

Genesis smiled sweetly, hands behind his back. "Yes father."

"Good, good." Genesis' father retreated and missed his son's derisive sneer and roll of his eyes. He turned and left, closing the door behind him before breaking into a fast jog. He sped up as he reached the low slope that led down into the main village, he felt a grin on his face as he ran, dodging people who were milling around and earning himself curses and glares. He finally made it to a large apple tree, beneath which sat the boy he'd been desperate to see. "ANGEAL!" He cried gleefully as he launched himself at his friend, causing him to fall backwards with a cry.

"Genesis! Get off!" Angeal struggled against Genesis' impressively strong hug, finally extracting himself from the younger boy. He looked up into the boys flushed and eager face, smiling brightly in the late evening sun. "Hello to you to." He grumbled. "I landed on a root you idiot."

"Sorry." Genesis replied, obviously not sorry at all as he allowed Angeal to sit up. "What are we going to do today?"

Angeal sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "Well, I dunno." He said slowly, looking up into the sky. "Looks like rain is on the way."

"We can play tag?" Genesis asked hopefully, eyes large in his small face. He lifted his hands in a pleading gesture.

Angeal sighed. "You're such a baby." He grumbled, flicking Genesis in the forehead and standing.

"Am not!" Genesis whined, rubbing his forehead as he followed suit.

"Are too! Now shut up. I got a game we can play." Angeal looked up at the branches of the tree, he smiled and crouched before leaping into the air and grabbing hold of the branch. He grunted as he hoisted himself into the tree. "Come on, then." He called down to Genesis who looked a little wary.

"My clothes'll get dirty. Mother hates it when I come home dirty."

"Baby!" Angeal grinned as he climbed higher, leaning over a branch and jeering at his younger friend.

"Am not!" Genesis cried, stamping his foot and causing a little cloud of dust to rise into the air. 

"Are too! Big scardy-cat baby!" Angeal's foot slipped a little but he quickly regained his footing. His heavily mended t-shirt tore on a twig but he paid it no mind as he continued upwards as high as he could go. 

Genesis grumbled as he reached for the lowest branch, leaping and grabbing hold of it. Angeal was impressed as he watched the younger boy climb, he was quite agile and didn't slip at all. He even ran along a branch only to leap off of it and catch himself on a higher one. "See? Not a baby." He smirked smugly as he finally reached Angeal's branch, he sat down at his side and swung his legs back and forth as he looked over the village. The sun was just disappearing below the horizon, staining the sky blood red. Angeal reached out and put a hand on Genesis' head, he pulled him to his side and they watched the sunset together. Finally Angeal spoke, his voice slow and thoughtful. "I've decided, Gen."

"Decided what?" Genesis asked.

"I'm gunna join SOLDIER." He looked down at Genesis who looked up at him, eyes moving over his face as if searching for some sign he was joking.

"SOLDIER?"

"Yeah. I'm going to become a hero." His smile widened proudly. "Just like my dad!"

"When are you leaving?" Genesis asked, his voice betraying his sadness.

"Dunno yet. I have to speak to my mom."

"Can...can you wait?" Genesis turned to look Angeal in the eyes. "Can you wait for me to get older like you? Then we can join up together."

"Why? You've got everything you ever needed here!"

Genesis looked down at the ground. "No. I don't." He said quietly, sighing and closing his eyes. "You know my mother and father, you know what they're like."

"I'm sure-"

"They don't care about me, Angeal!" Genesis snapped angrily. "I'm just an inconvenience to them and you know it! Stop defending them! They're not even my real parents."

"I thought they were?"

Genesis shook his head slowly. "No. I found the adoption papers." He whispered. "They never even told me." His bottom lip began to shake and he took a deep breath to calm himself, it had been huge shock to discover he was adopted. "My life's been a lie and mother and father think I'm weird."

"No it hasn't." Angeal sighed, putting his arm around Genesis again. "I'm real, right? We're friends. That's not a lie. And you are weird, Genesis...Weirdest baby in town."

"Yeah. We're the best of friends!" Genesis laughed, grinning into Angeal's face. "And I'm not a baby!"

XXX

"Angeal! Think fast!"

Angeal had enough time to lift his head before an apple hit him in the face, he swore angrily and covered his top lip where the fruit had hit him. "You idiot!" He shouted as he leapt to his feet and hefted the apple, throwing it back at Genesis who caught it smoothly with a smug grin.

"I thought you'd catch it." The fifteen year old said with a shrug. 

"You didn't even give me a chance." Angeal sighed, testing his lip with the tip of tongue. He couldn't taste blood so that was good. 

"So, what did your mom say?" Genesis asked, eyes alight with eagerness.

Angeal smiled. "She says I should go. I got my acceptance letter this morning." He grinned proudly.

Genesis returned the smile and edged closer, he leaned forward and thrust a letter underneath Angeal's nose. "Guess who got accepted too?" He gloated.

"That's awesome, Genesis! Now we can go together."

"Just like we promised. Do you think I'll get to meet Sephiroth?" Genesis asked idly, brushing hair from his eyes as the two boys started walking through the town.

"I think so. Have you still got that poster of him in your room?" Angeal smirked as Genesis elbowed him. They stopped outside a house and Angeal pushed open the door. "Mom? I'm home. I brought Genesis for dinner, is that ok?"

A woman appeared from the living room, she gave the boys a bright smile. "Of course. Genesis, you're always welcome. Would you like some tea?"

"That would be wonderful, Gillian." Genesis said smoothly as he walked around the kitchen table and took a seat. Angeal sat beside him.

Gillian Hewley put the kettle on the stove and hummed while she prepared some home made apple tea. Genesis sighed as the scent filled the room, he always preferred coming here than spending time at his cold mansion. His parents hated him and showed it in small ways, like his mother glaring at him, his father ignoring him. It was a horrible house and he spent as little time there as possible. Angeal's mother served the tea and Genesis took his cup with a small mutter of thanks.

"Angeal, I have a gift for you before you go off to Midgar." Gillian said softly, smiling at her son.

"A gift? Mom, we can't afford anything! You didn't have to-"

"It wasn't me. It was your father." Gillian sighed and turned to look at the photograph sitting on a corner unit beside a medal. She rose and moved to the door to the living room. "I'll be right back."

Angeal frowned a little in confusion before his mother returned with a long, heavy looking package. He was amazed she could lift it. It was wrapped in brown paper. She lay the package on the table and Genesis leaned forward curiously. Angeal reached out and picked up a note stuck to the paper, he read it aloud, his voice breaking as he did so.

"My son, I have so much I want to say to you but unfortunately my time is limited. I spent the last of my energy making this sword for you, I remember your desire to become a hero. It's a little big but I know you're strong enough to wield it. Take it and remember; if you want to be a hero you have to have dreams and honour. You are my pride and joy, Angeal, and I love you. Remember that. No matter what happens, remember I loved you. You are and always will be my son." Angeal's voice broke and he looked away, down at the cracked tile floor while he took a moment to compose himself. Finally he took a breath and looked down at the package, he reached out and ripped open the paper to reveal a wide blade at least the width of Angeal's hands if he put them together and spread out his fingers. The hilt was long enough to hold with one or both hands and wrapped in red leather. He saw two materia slots in the sword and reached out to run a reverent finger down the incredibly sharp blade. "It's..."

"It's a weapon." Gillian said firmly. "It's not a toy, remember that. That," She nodded at the sword and frowned sternly. "Is a tool for killing."

Angeal looked at her and nodded solemnly. "I understand."

Gillian smiled sweetly again, relaxing. "Then use it well, my son."

"I promise." He assured her and lifted the blade by the hilt, he rose to his feet and rested it against his forehead as if praying. "On my honour, I promise to use it well." He said quietly. "Thank you, dad."

Genesis looked away, he felt a little awkward being present at such a private moment. It was a hard reminder that he was an outsider. The son of a very rich family who adopted a boy they didn't give two shits about. He finished his tea and stood up. "Thank you for the tea, Gillian." He said and smiled. "It was pleasant."

"That's quite all right, dear. Are you leaving?"

"I'm afraid so. I have...things I've got to do." He said and walked to the door.

"Genesis!" Angeal followed him, grabbing him by the shoulder and turning him to face him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Don't give me that shit. I've known you forever, I can tell when something's up. Just tell me."

Genesis sighed. "Infinite in mystery is the gift of the Goddess. We seek it thus, and take to the sky. Ripples form on the water's surface, the wandering soul knows no rest." He turned away and heard Angeal sigh heavily. 

"Stop with the stupid poem and give me a straight answer."

Genesis finally looked at him. "You want the truth? Fine." He swept hair from his face and frowned, kicking at a stone embedded in the ground. "Despite the fact that you've got less money than a Midgar beggar you're rich in other things. I have more money than I know what to do with but I feel far poorer than you...I...I'm jealous. There, I said it. I'm petty." He folded his arms over his chest waiting for Angeal to berate him but all he got was an arm flung around his shoulders, he was guided back into the house.

"You do have a family, Genesis." Angeal said as he pushed open the door. "My family is yours. We're brothers, remember?" He smiled and Genesis returned it.

One Winged Angel:

"Professor?"

"Yes Sephiroth?" Gast looked up from his paper work and saw the eight year old boy peering at him, obviously uncertain about whether or not he should enter the office. He sighed inwardly, Hojo was too hard on the kid. 

"Uh...Can...can I speak with you, sir?" He blinked those eerie eyes at him and Gast smiled, patting a seat next to his. Sephiroth returned the smile with a small one of his own as he glided into the room with all the poise of a small king. He sat down carefully, perching on the seat and swinging his legs a little as he planted both hands either side of his legs and leaned forward. 

"What is it you wished to discuss?" Gast asked.

"I have spent most of the day looking in the mirror." Sephiroth said, glancing down and hiding behind his hair, it was already reaching his shoulders and he threw an absolute fit whenever someone even mentioned cutting it. Gast understood why, although Hojo did not. Sephiroth's hair was the only thing in his life that he had any real control over, he had become very precious about it and determined to wear it however he wished. "I...I noticed that I look...different from other people."

Gast felt an uncomfortable sensation in the pit of his stomach, he shifted uneasily and picked up his pen, clicking it in agitation. Sephiroth was far too perceptive for his own good sometimes. "You are different, son." He said slowly, being careful of his words in case he hurt the boy or revealed the truth of his existence. "You're very special."

Sephiroth cocked his head to one side, blinking slowly. "Special?"

"Yes. You are unique, you're stronger, faster and more intelligent than anyone your age."

"Yes, sir....but why?" Sephiroth looked intently at him.

Gast rubbed at his eyes behind his glasses, feeling the great weight of a terrible guilt sitting in his gut. Sephiroth was an abomination, an abomination he had approved. A creature created through a series of nasty, evil experiments that he no longer wanted anything to do with. He took a shaky breath and took Sephiroth's small hands in his own, feeling the callouses of his extensive training beneath his fingers. His hands looked so old against Sephiroth's pale skin and he felt tears burn his eyes, quickly he blinked them away and smiled. "You're special because you will be the first child to make it into the SOLDIER programme. You're going to become a hero, my boy."

Sephiroth blinked at him again. "What if I don't want to be a hero?" He asked, face impassive. "What if all I want is to be like you? I don't want to fight. I want to be a doctor. I want to be normal."

The weight in Gast's chest tightened and he reached out, pulling the boy into a tight embrace. He closed his eyes tightly, unable to stop a tear from leaking beneath his eyelid. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. He thought but he said; "You can be whatever you want to be." 

"Really?" Sephiroth pulled away, looking up into Gast's eyes for confirmation. 

"Really. If you choose to you can be a doctor...perhaps if you asked Rena, she may help you." Rena was the resident doctor, she tended Sephiroth personally. 

Sephiroth looked away, a small and horribly bitter smile twisting his young face. "You're lying." He said quietly as he slid away from Gast's grip. "But...thank you...for trying." He turned and walked away.

"What have I done?" Gast whispered, putting his head in his hands and trying to hold back the pain. "I'm a monster." He hadn't had a huge amount to do with the experiment but he had given it his approval. He remembered watching as the pretty Lucretia sickened rapidly with her pregnancy, he remembered them removing her body not long after the birth. Because of him she had died, a bright, intelligent young woman had been destroyed because he was interested to find out just what would happen if they mixed Cetra DNA with human. And now he had discovered that his original assumption had been wrong...so horribly, horribly wrong. Because of him a child who should be out playing with friends, scraping his knees, getting hugs from his mother, was learning to kill. They were training an eight year old to murder. Gast rubbed at his eyes beneath his glasses and took a deep, shaking breath. He thought of his own daughter, a tiny baby now, hidden away with her mother in the snowy north. Aerith would not share Sephiroth's fate, he would die before Hojo got his filthy hands on her. Slowly he stood up, gazing down at his desk and the photograph on it. In it was a woman with long dark hair, a small, knowing smile on her lips and beautiful green eyes. "Iflana...I'm coming home. For good this time." He said softly and plucked the picture from his desk before starting to clear it out.

Sephiroth returned to the lab, he walked past scientists and assistants who were too absorbed in their various tasks to pay him much heed. He turned down a hallway and stopped before his tiny bedroom door, with a sigh he pushed the button and the door opened. He entered his room and looked around through his large, childish eyes. There were toys scattered on the rug; tin soldiers, building blocks and a few tatty stuffed animals. He moved to his small desk where a scale model of the planet rested. He reached out and spun it with a finger, watching the green and blue blur into one. He stopped it and held it in both hands as he lifted it off the desk and inspected it. It was the size of a football. On impulse he smashed it onto the floor and watched shards of plastic scatter across the room. He smiled to himself and looked up and over to the large two-way mirror on his wall. He knew they were watching, they were always watching. He walked towards the mirror, shards of plastic cutting deeply into his bare feet as he came to a halt before the mirror. He put a hand on it and stared at his own reflection. The glass shuddered beneath his palm and tiny cracks began to appear.

The door slid open suddenly, making Sephiroth turn around. "Stop that." Hojo snapped as he strode into the room and inspected the damage. He could see bloody footprints crossing the white linoleum and sighed irritably. "Look at what you've done, child!"

Sephiroth lifted a foot and looked, even as he watched the wounds healed leaving no trace that they had existed except for the red stains. He put his foot back to the floor and looked up at Hojo, blinking slowly as the scientist adjusted his glasses and called for an assistant to clear up the mess. "Professor, I want to know who my mother was." Sephiroth demanded as Hojo muttered to himself, looking down at the remains of the plastic planet.

"What?"

"My mother. Who was she?"

"Why would you want to know that?" Hojo frowned at the boy, he looked a lot like Lucretia. There was no resemblance to him what so ever, which suited him just fine. 

"Because I must know where I came from." Sephiroth demanded petulantly, he never asked he only commanded.

"Stupid boy. You don't need to know any information at all."

"Why? How am I supposed to learn who I am if I do not know where I came from?"

Hojo sighed. Sephiroth's intelligence far exceeded any other eight year old's and he used it to manipulate the adults around him like a pro. "Her name was..." He trailed off thoughtfully. If he told Sephiroth the name of his biological mother it would lead to all kinds of problems, especially if he started asking questions or digging too deeply into the old records. "Jenova."

Sephiroth's strange green eyes lit up. "Jenova?" He repeated softly, looking down at his hands. "Was she...a good person?" He looked back up at Hojo.

"That doesn't matter, boy." Hojo said as the cleaning crew arrived and started to tidy the mess Sephiroth had made. He always broke things when he wanted to ask questions, it was usually the only way to get Hojo's attention. "You should know by now that 'good' and 'evil' are human created concepts that have no real value in science."

"Good and evil...no value..." He muttered, frowning as he stored this information away for future analysis. 

"There is only nature. The strong overpower and devour the weak, remember that boy."

"Yes, but how does one know when one is strong or weak?" Sephiroth asked, moving to his bed and sitting on it. 

"If you die you are weak." Hojo replied instantly, pushing up his glasses and putting his hands behind his back as he began to pace. 

"Then mother was weak?"

"Yes." Hojo nodded absently, thinking of Lucretia. "She could not handle your birth and so died."

"I see." Sephiroth shifted, frowning at a wall that had a large poster of a happy looking moogle on it. "Then...I am strong? I did not die when I was born."

"You are indeed very strong." Hojo smiled, eyes glinting darkly under the bright florescent lights. 

"I am strong because I killed mother?" Sephiroth asked, frowning a little as he processed the information. "I survived by 'devouring' mother and killing her?"

"Ah, an excellent conclusion my boy." Hojo nodded, he was enjoying how quickly Sephiroth caught onto the complicated concepts. "Everything weak must perish to feed the strong, your mother died when you slid from her womb in order to ensure your survival. You, my boy, are the strongest thing on the planet...or at least you will be, one day. When your time comes you will use your strength to devour everything." He picked up a shard of the planet and held it up. Sephiroth's eyes glowed softly, his hair fell into his face and seemed to sparkle like silver wire. "You will follow in your mother's footsteps, boy. I promise you that." Hojo handed over the shard of the planet and Sephiroth clutched it in one hand as he turned and left him.

He looked down at the piece of plastic. "I don't want to do any of that." He whispered to himself and threw the thing across the room, it embedded itself in the wall and he fell back onto his bed. "I want to be a doctor when I grow up." He told the ceiling.

XXX

"Sephiroth come back here!"

"Leave me alone, old man." Sephiroth muttered darkly as he strode to the door of the laboratory and yanked it open, he was topless, wearing only a pair of leather pants. 

"Sephiroth do as I say or I will make sure you never leave this lab again, do you hear me, boy?"

Sephiroth scoffed softly, he turned and looked back over his shoulder at Hojo. "I highly doubt the president would like that, sir. After all, I am under his command now, not yours." He smiled as Hojo went red in the face with anger. He hoped he had a heart attack, he would enjoy watching that immensely. However, he ended up walking away disappointed in that regard. It was always fun to taunt Hojo, the man was an idiot and so easy to wind up it was almost laughable. After grabbing his coat from a hook by the door, he strode down the hall towards the elevators. Ignoring the people who walked past him and muttered behind their hands. 

He reached the president's office and greeted his secretary, the woman pressed a button and told the president Sephiroth was waiting. As he waited he glanced around the room to see a boy with strawberry blond hair lounging on a couch, he wore a white suit and was inspecting his nails intently. They looked about the same age, perhaps a few years apart at most, and when the boy felt Sephiroth's stare he lifted his head and met his gaze with a hard one of his own. Grey eyes met green and the boy swept hair from his eyes and smirked smugly. 

When he was given permission he entered the office and strode to the fat man's desk. The president was stood at his massive picture window, arms behind his back as he stared out over his domain like a bloated, crimson-clad dragon gloating over its rich hoard. Sephiroth stood and waited patiently. Finally the man turned around and looked the strange boy up and down coldly. "Sephiroth. I do hope you're well, my boy?"

"I am, sir." Sephiroth replied.

"Good, good. I have just returned from a rather intense meeting, it seems that the war has reached a peak. We have a need to end it as quickly as possible." He eyed the young boy, standing before him with his impassive face. "I want you to ship out tomorrow." He had seen Sephiroth's strength first hand when Hojo had put on a display fight between him and a fully grown Behemoth. It had been spectacular and incredibly bloody but Sephiroth had emerged triumphant after leaping onto the things back and driving his blade through the creatures neck, severing its spine. Still, it amazed him how such a frail looking thing could do pull off such impressive stunts, his skin was so fragile looking and yet he had suffered no more than a light scratch over one cheek during that encounter. What the president wanted now was to test his leadership abilities. A part of him wished his own son was that good but Rufus was little more than a spoiled brat, he had his mother to blame for coddling him until her untimely death.

"Yes sir." Sephiroth replied.

"You will be in command over a unit of your own, I expect you to comport yourself well."

"Yes sir."

"Very good, you are dismissed."

Sephiroth nodded, turned and walked away. His silver hair swaying behind him like a war banner. The president shook his head, he stroked his moustache and pressed the intercom button. "Doreen?"

"Sir?"

"Send in my son." He sighed.

"Yes sir."

Sephiroth returned from his seven month long stint in Wutai a hero. There was a huge celebration when he returned, uninjured and in perfect condition. He stood before a huge crowd as they cheered his name, his eyes scanned them all, wondering what lies ShinRa had told them. People took photograph's of him, they plastered him all over the city. He became an advert. A weapon. A piece of propaganda. Stories of his exploits spread through the population like wild fire, they were blown way out of proportion and it irritated him beyond reason.

He returned to his apartment in the labs, he had yet to get his own place. When he got there Hojo was waiting for him and it did nothing to improve his temper.

"Well, well, looks like you did some rather amazing things." Hojo said as he watched Sephiroth stalk to the sofa and throw his coat onto it.

"Go away." Sephiroth said.

"What a way to greet your guardian. Tsk tsk."

"I said; go away." 

"No. I need you in the lab to conduct some tests. We need a blood sample, we need to test your adrenal levels-"

"I said no, old man. Didn't you hear me?"

"I can hear you perfectly fine, boy. Perhaps it is you who needs the hearing test?" Hojo raised an eyebrow as Sephiroth fumed. "Get down to the labs now." Hojo ordered sharply, his tone allowing no room for argument.

"I'm tired." Sephiroth insisted belligerently. "I've just got back and I need to wash. My hair's a mess, I-"

"Sephiroth!" Hojo snapped, making the boys back straighten and his eyes widen. "Come." He turned and walked out the door, he heard Sephiroth turn on his heel and follow.

XXX

Rena's hands shook a little as the boys screams reached a crescendo, she swallowed bile that rose to her throat and tried to focus on the dose of mako she was giving him. She knew he would be sick for days with this amount pumping through his system and she would be the one mopping up the mess. She sighed and withdrew the needle from his pale flesh, she watched the pin prick she left behind ooze blood. It healed up almost instantly and she looked back into Sephiroth's sweaty, pale face. He was panting, his eyes heavily lidded as his body trembled. He didn't seem aware she was there. She put a hand on his forehead and leaned down to his ear. "Shh, it's all right. You'll be better soon."

Sephiroth gasped, mouth open as he stared up at the ceiling with unseeing eyes. "M-Mother...?" He mumbled thickly, voice slurring and tongue too heavy. "Mmoother..."

"Shh, it's ok." Rena stroked his damp hair and shivered. She despised it. She hated what Hojo was making her do to this boy...he was a child. Fifteen years old and already he had killed more people than men twice his age. Hojo was creating a monster, twisting a child into a perverse parody of a human being. She didn't think that this was what Lucretia would have wanted for him. A life of agony and loneliness. She sighed again, rubbing soothing circles over Sephiroth's forehead. She had already handed in her resignation, she had only a month left before her contract ended. She was the last of those who had helped raise the boy and she was getting too old. She could no longer just sit by and watch them torture him. She bent down and kissed his forehead gently, closing her eyes. "I'm so sorry. I've failed you." Before she turned and walked away, biting back her sorrow as Sephiroth made a low sound, almost like a sob.

Sephiroth sank down the wall, one arm closed over his ribs and his breathing ragged. His legs couldn't hold him up anymore so he gave up trying. He fell in a heap and closed his eyes, swallowing back vomit as it rose into his throat. He lay there, gasping, sweating and trying to cling to conciousness as whatever the hell Hojo had pumped into his veins spread and burned and itched like a million insects crawling under his flesh. He heard boots on the carpet and soft, worried sounding voices.

Genesis looked down at the crumpled heap, his eyes were wide and he glanced up at Angeal. "Isn't that...?"

"Sephiroth." Angeal agreed, his mouth tightening as he bent and inspected the boy closely. "Hey, are you all right?" He asked, reaching out and brushing hair from his forehead. He yanked his hand back. "He's burning up." He muttered.

"Should I get Hollander?" Genesis asked uncertainly, naming the doctor who had been both his and Angeal's since they were babies. 

"No. I think we should just get him back to his apartment." 

"But...where does he live?"

Angeal frowned and reached into his Third Class uniform, he withdrew a map of HQ that they had been given and looked at it. "It doesn't say."

Genesis sighed and shook his head. "Of course not, you idiot. Why would they give away the living quarters of someone as famous as him?"

"Guess you're right. Help me lift him, we'll take him back to ours."

Genesis' lips tightened but he said nothing as he bent and helped Angeal lift the unconscious boy. "He's lighter than I expected." He commented quietly as they dragged him to the elevator. "Hair's soft too. Wonder what shampoo he uses?" It brushed his skin as he shifted Sephiroth's arm further up onto his shoulder.

"Genesis." Angeal sighed, shifting Sephiroth's weight and hitting the elevator button.

XXX

Sephiroth woke to soft music. He didn't open his eyes right away, merely listened to the sound of someone humming lightly along to some classical song. He heard boots on carpet and someone whisper something. The place smelt of flowers, an odd smell in the middle of Midgar...nothing grew in the massive metal city. He didn't hear anything recognisable and so decided to risk opening his eyes, he blinked as light attacked his retinas, a soft gasp of pain escaped his lips and he heard quiet muttering. When he next opened his eyes he found himself staring up into two unfamiliar faces. "Wh-who...Wh-where...?" he muttered vaguely, looking into the two pairs of intense blue eyes that gazed down at him in concern.

"You're safe." One said, smiling a large, friendly smile that Sephiroth didn't trust. He sat up slowly, testing his limbs and ensuring they were working properly. 

"We had to take you back our place." The other one said, brushing hair from his eyes as he looked Sephiroth up and down curiously. "You were collapsed in the hall way."

"We didn't know where you lived. Sorry." 

Sephiroth blinked several times rapidly, turning to finally get a good look at the place. He was sat on the sofa of a double bedroomed apartment, there was an odd mixture of things in the room he was in. An old fashioned gramophone sat in one corner, the source of the music he had heard. There was a huge bookshelf and on the window sill a random assortment of plants. "Who are you?" He asked, his voice sticking a little and forcing him to clear his throat.

"Genesis Rhapsodos." The brunet said, smiling.

"Angeal Hewley." The other added, holding out a large hand.

Sephiroth looked at it and turned away, dismissing them. He looked at the plants and moved over to them, glad that his legs didn't throw him right back to the floor. "Who grew these?"

"I did." Angeal said eagerly. "It's really hard to get a plant to grow in this place, I think it's the mako in the air. But I manage to keep a few studier plants going." He shrugged, obviously pleased with his ability.

"Strange." Sephiroth muttered, reaching out and touching a soft petal. "To what purpose would you keep them alive?" He asked.

Angeal frowned. "Because they're pretty? Because they're alive, just like you and me. There's many reasons."

Sephiroth shook his head a little. "You're very strange." He said.

"I tell him that all the time." Genesis agreed eagerly. "He never listens. The bugs those bloody things bring into the apartment are horrible!"

"Bugs..." Sephiroth repeated slowly. 

"Hey, go read a book or something." Angeal snapped irritably and Genesis poked his tongue out at him before flouncing off to sit himself in a seat by his gramophone. Sephiroth put a hand to his head as a headache started to pulse behind his eyes. Angeal was at his side immediately and helped lower him into the sofa again. "Are you all right?"

"Mm. A headache...caused by an overdose of mako. I will be fine." He muttered softly, rubbing at his temples as his head throbbed.

"Overdose?" Angeal frowned in deeper concern. "I should call a doctor. That could be serious."

"No. I'm fine." Sephiroth stood again and swayed. "I have to go home and recover." He glanced at their uniforms briefly, he must be on the Third Class SOLDIER floor. "Thank you, for helping me." He said stiffly and turned to the door, it opened and he stepped out into the corridor.

"Hey! Wait up!" Angeal caught up to him and put a hand on his shoulder, the touch burnt like fire and Sephiroth yanked himself free.

"I'm fine." He repeated, brushing the place Angeal had touched him with a hand. "I can walk on my own now." He turned and strode away, he felt Angeal watching him intently and tried to fight off the urge to shudder.


	41. Fanfiction And Fuck The Fourth Wall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor Vincent gets terrible nightmares...

By Kimmimaru

The bar was full of people, Tifa and her friends all sat at a table talking and laughing happily. Cid and Barret were engaged in a serious arm wrestling match while Cloud and Aerith were talking together. It was a little while before Cloud looked up with a small frown. “Where's Vincent?” He asked.

“I don't know...he went to the bar but he hasn't come back yet.” Tifa replied with some concern.

“I saw Yuffie follow him.” Aerith added as she took a sip of her drink.

“God damn it!” Cid's loud cry was cut off as Barret yelled triumphantly, obviously just having won the match. “You're a cheatin' bastard, Barret!” Cid accused.

“Don' be such a sore loser, Flyin' Man.”

“Fuck you!” Cid stood up, his chair falling behind him as he glowered at Barret.

“Are they at it again?” Cloud sighed.

“Unfortunately.” Tifa shrugged.

There was a brief moment of silence until they heard another shout, this one in a voice that rarely shouted. “Get off of me! I've said no!”

Everyone turned to watch as Vincent walked with an odd dragging limp towards them, the crowd parted, muttering in amusement. Tifa covered her mouth as she spotted Yuffie hanging on to Vincent's leg and whining loudly as he dragged her through the bar looking furious. “She is humping my leg! Get her off!” He growled as he approached his friends.

“Noooo! Vincent, take me! I'm all yours!”

“Get off!” Vincent insisted, shaking his leg but to no avail. Yuffie clung on like an annoying limpet.

“I loooove yooooooou...”

“Help me. Please.” Vincent turned desperate eyes to his friends who all turned away, ignoring his situation with tiny smirks. “You're sixteen for gods sake! I'm old enough to be your father!”

“No!” Yuffie tightened her grip, closing her eyes.

Vincent hissed air through his teeth and pulled out Cerberus, he pointed it at her and pulled the trigger. Blood spattered the floor and Yuffie's brains sprayed Tifa's bare legs. No one looked, they all ignored the corpse as it continued to cling to Vincent's leg, despite the fact that it now only had half a head. Vincent tried in vain to peel the dead fingers from him, he cursed and struggled until he fell over. It was impossible to remove her hands, her grip was as tight as a vice and Vincent began to scream.

He awoke with a cry, eyes wide in his pale, sweating face. His heart hammered in his chest so violently he thought he was having a heart attack, that was until he remembered he was immortal. He took several deep, shaking breaths and calmed himself.

“Vincent? Are you alright?” Said a husky voice from his side, he turned to see Cid lying beside him, completely naked with the sheet pulled low beneath his hairy ass. It took him a moment to realise that he too was naked. “Did ya have a nightmare? Come 'ere, I'll make ya feel better, honey bunch.” Cid pulled Vincent into an embrace, he struggled but couldn't get free. Chapped lips pressed against his own, stubble scraping his face as Cid pushed his tongue into his resisting mouth...

Vincent's eyes flew open and he bolted upright. A scream was wrenched from his lips as yet again he awoke. He was lying by the fire he had fallen asleep beside, he looked around at his friends as they stirred and looked over at him. He swallowed as his eyes met Cid's and he stood up abruptly.

“Hey, man, what's wrong?” Cid asked sleepily.

“Do not talk to me.” Vincent growled, hands clenched into fists at his sides as he turned on his heel.

“Wow, what's got him in a mood?” Yuffie asked in surprise.

“And you! Don't even look at me!” Vincent strode away from his confused friends as he tried to escape his terrifying dreams.

“What was that about?” Yuffie huffed.

Cloud yawned and settled back down into his bedroll. “He's been reading too much fanfiction.” He mumbled and curled up in a ball.

“Ahhh.” Everyone chorused in understanding as they too lay back down beside the fire.


	42. Chocobo's Aren't As Cute As They Seem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor Cloud.

By Kimmimaru

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! NOOOOOOO!!!”

Zack looked up as Cloud's scream echoed through the small valley. His eyes narrowed and he shielded his eyes from the glare of the sun to see the small blond infantry soldier running desperately over the hill. His face was stricken with panic and he was covered in yellow feathers. “ZAAAAAACKKKK! HELLLLP!” He screamed as he drew closer and that was when Zack spotted the flock of Chocobo racing after him. He watched as Cloud stumbled, his uniform was torn and he had marks from beaks covering his arms. Zack ran forward and helped him up.

“What the hell happened? Why are they chasing you?” He asked quickly, helping Cloud to move away from the charging flock.

“I-I...I went to s-speak to the Chocobo b-breeder...a-and they smashed down the fence...They're all male...I don't understand why b-but they...they want to mate with me.” He gasped and swallowed, putting both hands on his knees as he caught his breath.

“You mean...you were raped by a flock of chocobo?”

Cloud lifted his head and glared furiously at him, Zack tried to keep a straight face and failed. He burst into hysterics, clutching at his stomach. “Fuck off Zack!” He shouted, kicking out at him. “It's not funny! They're fucking heavy birds, it hurts to have one try and fuck your head!”

This only made it worse. Zack collapsed to his knees, unable to help himself as tears streamed from his eyes. Cloud swore again and looked back at the hill, the chocobo's spotted him.

“WAAAARK!” They cried as they charged down the hill, a mass of bright yellow feathers and sharp beaks.

“Oh for fucks sake!” Cloud hissed as he turned on his heel and legged it.


	43. Hyper's Were Not Meant For Zack And Angeal's Done...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...so, so done...

By Kimmimaru

“No! Get down from there! What are you doing? I said stop! Oh god noooo!”

Angeal halted as he heard the distressed cries coming from Genesis' apartment, he sighed heavily and opened the door. Genesis was stood on a chair, a broom in one hand and he was poking at Zack who was inexplicably on the ceiling. The scene was so strange Angeal took a moment to collect himself. “What is going on?” He asked in complete bewilderment.

“Your puppy got into my apartment somehow and now...now he's stuck to the ceiling!”

“Ahahahaha!” Zack laughed, crawling over the ceiling tiles like some sort demented spider. “Angeal, look at meeee! I'm spiderman!”

“Uh-huh...” Angeal frowned up at Zack as Genesis whacked him with the broom handle. “Zack, how did you get up there?”

“I found some hypers in your cupboard!” He cried in delight, scampering away from Genesis who cursed loudly. “Wheeeeeeee!” He jumped down from the ceiling and began to run around in circles around Genesis' sofa, then he spotted the door. He ran for it, Angeal having no time to grab him. He lifted his arms into the air and laughed again as he sped away down the hall. His elongated 'wheee' could be heard for several minutes after his disappearance.

“Go after him, if he reaches the presidents office...” Genesis left the rest of sentence unfinished and Angeal cringed at the thought.

“I really should keep locks on my cupboards.” He muttered and followed Zack out the door.

After an extensive search of the entire building an exhausted Angeal found Zack crouched on the presidents desk, he had both the man's cheeks in his hands and was squashing them with great delight. “Smoosh. Smoosh. Smoosh. You're sooooo smooshy.” He giggled.

“Get this thing out of my office!” The President snapped as he spotted Angeal at the door, Zack wodged his face, squishing his lips into a pucker.

“Smooshhhhh...squishy man!” Zack did an incredible back-flip off of the desk and ran for the open door again. This time Angeal grabbed him around the waist, hefting him into the air and flinging him over his shoulder.

“I apologise sir, he's...a little strange when he takes hypers.”

“I'm superman!” Zack cried, stretching out so that he looked as if he was flying. “Angeal? Hey? Hey, Hey, Angeal? Guess what?”

“What?” Angeal muttered, taking Zack out of the room and sending the presidents secretary an apologetic look.

“I need a wee.” Zack slumped and hung over Angeal's shoulder like a rag doll.

“Wait until we get you to the toilet.”

Zack giggled drunkenly. “Too late.” He whispered and Angeal felt dampness seep into his uniform.

“I'm done. I'm so done, Zack.” He dropped him to the floor and left him there, rolling around on the red carpet and laughing.


	44. In Which Cloud Dies But Not Really And The Elite First Class Are All Nuts

By Kimmimaru

Zack flew into Angeal's office, eyes wide with terror. Angeal leapt to his feet. “What's wrong?” He asked.  
“I-It's Sephiroth...he's gone insane!” He gasped.

“Where is he?” Angeal moved around his desk and followed Zack into the hall.

“In his apartment.”

“What happened?”

“Well...er...ya'see...I'm not quite sure.” Zack said softly as they got into the elevator and Angeal slammed the button.

“Explain.”

“Well, Cloud and I were messing around. I got him this adorable chocobo onesie for his birthday and he was trying it on when Sephiroth came in. He was normal before he spotted Cloud and then he...he stole him.”

“Stole him?” Angeal glanced at Zack who shrugged.

“Yeah. He picked him up and stole him.”

“Right. Did Cloud happen to look particularly cute?”

Zack grinned stupidly. “Adorable.”

“Then I know what happened.” Angeal sighed and led Zack to Sephiroth's apartment. They opened the door onto a living room that was eerily neat, Angeal entered cautiously and they could hear muttering from further in. It was dim in the room as they edged towards the door to the bedroom. Angeal pressed a finger to his lips and pushed the door open enough for them both to peer inside.

“S-Sir...please...let me go.” Cloud muttered, eyes wide with fear as Sephiroth paced before him, muttering to himself.

“Shh. Plushes don't talk.” He said as he turned on Cloud and waggled a finger at him. “Look at Mr Giraffe, do you see him talking?” He moved to a large stuffed giraffe and patted its head. Cloud shook his and swallowed. “He is a good boy, aren't you Mr Giraffe?” Sephiroth switched to a higher pitched voice. “Oh yes I am, sir. I'm a very good boy.” He patted the giraffe on the head and turned to Cloud who was tied up and lying on the bed, surrounded by other stuffed animals. They were everywhere, an array of all sorts of animals from stuffed bears to Moogles to tiny little fluffy fish. “Are you a good boy, Mr. Chocobo?” He asked, raising an eyebrow imperiously. Cloud nodded quickly as he struggled a little with the ropes. He was dressed in a bright yellow all in one, the hood had an orange beak and two little black eyes, he even had a feathery tail. Sephiroth smiled and moved to the bed, he crawled onto it and pulled Cloud to him and began petting his head. “So soft.” He sighed and closed his eyes, rubbing his cheek against Cloud's hair and smiling to himself. “You will stay here with me now. You will make lots of new friends Mr. Chocobo.” He cuddled Cloud close, continuing his gentle petting as he sighed.

Zack's eyes widened and he pulled his head back. “We have to rescue him!” He whispered.

“There's no hope now. Sephiroth's got him for his collection. He's lost.” Angeal shook his head and moved away.

“But...but we can't just give up on him! Angeal, please.”

“I'm sorry Zack.” He put a hand on Zack's shoulder, looking at him with grief in his eyes. “Cloud was good kid, he had a good life but we have no choice, we have to move on.”

“W-wait...you're talking like he's de-” Angeal put a finger on Zack's lips and sighed sadly.

“You'll get over it. Soon the grief will pass. All you need to do is wait and time will heal all wounds.” Angeal smiled and ruffled Zack's hair. “You're a good boy Zack.” He walked out of the apartment leaving Zack alone with the soft cooing of Sephiroth from the other room.

“I...I'm not sure what just happened...” Zack muttered to himself, frowning in confusion.

“Soft. Soft. Soft. I love you Mr. Chocobo, you're a very good chocobo, aren't you? Yes you are. Such a good ickle chocobo.”

Zack walked away, feeling slightly guilty for ditching Cloud and leaving him to the dubious mercy of Sephiroth. He decided that the rest of the First Class SOLDIER's were insane. Completely, incurably nuts.


	45. Serenading Chocobo's Is a Really Bad Idea But Not As Bad As Leaving Genesis To Get Killed By One.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yup still more stupid crap to upload.

By Kimmimaru

“She walks in beauty, like the night, Of cloudless climes and starry skies; And all that's best of dark and bright, Meet in her aspect and her eyes: Thus mellowed to that tender light, Which heaven to gaudy day denies.”*

“Ugh, he's at it again.” Angeal sighed, watching Genesis fall to one knee, arm outstretched and a hand upon his heart.

“Who's the victim now?” Sephiroth asked.

“Wark.”

“Huh, a Chocobo. We really shouldn't let Genesis drink so much.”

“Do you think it likes the poem?”

“No one likes the poem. The poem is terrible. Genesis is terrible.”

“Kweh.”

“One shade the more, one ray the less, Had half impaired the nameless grace, Which waves in every raven tress, Or softly lightens o'er her face; Where thoughts serenely sweet express, How pure, how dear their dwelling place.”*

Sephiroth sighed. “He has a disturbing obsession with birds. First it was a duck and now a Chocobo...”

“Yeah, I think we'd better stop him before...ah, too late.”

Genesis screamed as the bird began pecking him viciously, its sharp beak snapping and wings flapping, feathers scattering everywhere.

“Oh well. A part of me will miss him.” Sephiroth said.

“He was well loved.” Angeal turned away and shook his head sadly.

“Oi! I'm still alive-aahhhhh! Get off of me you stupid bird! Angeal...save me!”

“Sometimes I can still hear his voice.” Sephiroth said quietly as he walked away with Angeal.

“I suppose I'd better write to his parents, they'll want to know about his tragic demise.”

“STILL ALIVE!” Genesis screamed.

“I wonder, what flowers should we have at his funeral?” Sephiroth asked, Genesis' shouts getting fainter as they left him behind.

“He liked roses, he was always such a romantic soul.”

They heard pounding footsteps and both turned to see Genesis standing behind them panting heavily. His hair was tangled mess, his skin covered in vicious little wounds and his coat torn. In one hand he held his sword, in the other flames burned. He looked utterly deranged as he threw his head back and laughed. Sephiroth saw the blood coating his uniform. “I killed the fucker.” He growled, lifting the flames in his hand and grinning. “And cooked him. Stupid fucking giant chicken messed with the wrong SOLDIER. Now, I think I owe you two something, huh?”

Sephiroth and Angeal looked at each other before turning on their heels and running. Genesis' screams of rage followed them.

“I'LL KILL YOU! COME BACK HERE AND LET ME GUT YOU LIKE A FUCKING FISH! SEPHIROTH! ANGEAL!”

*She Walks In Beauty Like The Night by Lord Byron.


	46. Angeal Doesn't Get The Gay

By Kimmimaru

Zack sat on the sofa eating popcorn, the TV was on and sending splashes of colour across the dimly lit room. The door opened and Angeal stepped inside, spotting Zack and moving forward.

“Oooh yeah, do me harder!”

“What the hell are you watching?” Angeal enquired.

“Porn.” Zack answered through a mouthful of popcorn.

“Uh...What the-that doesn't go in there!” Angeal gasped in shock as the men on the screen played with a huge dildo.

“It can, look.” Zack nodded to the screen as one man pushed the dildo into the other man's bum.

“That's...that's impossible.” Angeal clenched his own butt cheeks and winced. “It has to hurt.”

“Sometimes.” Zack ate some more popcorn, eyes glued to the screen.

“What are they doing now?” Angeal sat at Zack's side, frowning at the screen. “Ew! Gross!” He cringed violently as the men on the screen started to lick each others ass holes. “That's disgusting!”

“Feels pretty good actually.” Zack replied, giving Angeal a side long glance. “You should try it sometimes, even some girls like it.”

Angeal shuddered in revulsion. “I'll pass, thanks.”

The men on the screen were now sucking each other off, moaning dramatically. The bedroom door opened to reveal Cloud wearing a t-shirt and pyjama bottoms, his hair was damp and stuck to his face. “Zack? You've run out of shower gel-oh.” He paused as he spotted Angeal watching the porno with a disgusted face.

“Yeah, I'll grab some next time I'm in sector six. Hey, Cloud, come and sit down.” Zack grinned over at his lover who moved warily to sit at his other side. “Angeal's grossed out by the gay.”

“I just don't-noooo! Don't put that there! That's just unhygienic.” He put his hands to his face as Zack laughed in evil delight.

“This is funny.” He sighed and offered some popcorn to Cloud who took some and leaned against his side, legs curled up beneath him.

“His cocks huge, how is he deep throating it?” Angeal muttered, stealing some of Zack's popcorn absently. “Eugh...Salty.” Angeal looked down at the popcorn with a frown and Zack and Cloud burst into hysterics.


End file.
